[hider humpty dumpty]
[center][h3][color=cyan]『𝕊𝕒𝕟𝕕𝕖𝕣』[/color] [color=8493ca]『ℂ𝕙𝕣𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕞𝕒𝕤』[/color][/h3][/center]
[center][img]http://i65.tinypic.com/28hztyw.png[/img][img]http://i63.tinypic.com/2h84geb.jpg[/img][/center]
[center][img]http://i.imgur.com/3R5vYYi.png?2[/img][/center]
[hr][center][color=silver]ℂ𝕠𝕝𝕝𝕒𝕓𝕠𝕣𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟 ℙ𝕠𝕤𝕥   / /   [@RedDusk] [@January][/color][/center][hr][hr][center][color=silver]𝕊𝕖𝕡𝕥. 𝟙𝟚, 𝟚𝟘𝟚𝟘   / /   𝕌𝕊𝔸ℝ𝕀𝕃ℕ 𝔼𝕒𝕤𝕥   / /   𝔻𝕠𝕣𝕞 𝔹𝕦𝕚𝕝𝕕𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝔸: 𝕊𝕦𝕚𝕥𝕖 𝟚𝟘𝟚   / /  ~𝟘𝟠𝟘𝟘[/color][/center][hr]

Breakfast went by quickly enough, mostly uneventful as far as Sander was concern. Yet, there was still no sight of the blond boy. This, however, concerned him, since his roommate had looked quite...nervous earlier. So he thought he would ask. 
 
[quote][color cyan]You are alright?[/color][/quote]

For almost a minute, there was no reply. Finally, a small bubble popped up in the corner of the screen to indicate a response in progress.

[quote][color 8493ca]yeah sorry are you done eating?[/color][/quote]

Sander responded quickly, persistent with his question.

[quote][color=cyan]Not very hungry. You are alright?[/color][/quote]

The message came back faster now that the other end seemed more prepared.

[quote][color 8493ca]yeah sorry im fine[/color][/quote]

[quote][color=cyan]I will wait outside.[/color][/quote]

A nearly instant response. 

[quote][color 8493ca]you dont have to[/color][/quote]

[quote][color=cyan]Are you sure you are alright? Need anything?[/color][/quote]

[quote][color 8493ca]im okay you dont have to wait[/color][/quote]

[quote][color=cyan]I will wait.[/color][/quote]    

After several minutes, the faint sound of a faucet running petered from the bathroom. Soft shuffling noises and the intermittent rustling of paper towels filled the next two or three minutes and finally the bathroom door opened, as hesitantly as the hand behind it.

Christmas's face was damp from the water and red from where he had rubbed it with the paper towels, the colors mixing with the fading bruises and painting across his pale skin. The clownish complexion didn't hide the red nose and eyes swollen from crying, however, and he kept his gaze to the ground as he exited the restroom.

[color 8493ca]"...I'm sorry,"[/color] he whispered after another few seconds.

Sander had noticed the scent before the bathroom door even opened, so he turned toward it, waiting. Once his roommate emerged, he offered a soft smile, moving closer to meet the blond boy halfway. 
 
“[color=cyan]Hey…I told you. Don’t have to be.[/color]” -He leaned down, trying to get a better look at his roommate. And it didn’t take much to tell that Christmas was definitely not okay –“[color=cyan]Uh, something’s wrong? Are you hurting again?[/color]”

[color 8493ca]"N-no, um..."[/color] "Sorry" was on the tip of his tongue again, so Christmas waited until the word had faded before continuing. [color 8493ca]"I'm--I'm okay."[/color] He watched Sander's shoes instead of looking up. [color 8493ca]"Thank you for--for waiting."[/color]

"[color=cyan]Are you scared?[/color]" -Sander ventured, thoughts returning to the team allocation and breakfast with Ernie -"[color=cyan]Scared of...Ernie?[/color]"

No response for several seconds, then a whispered [color 8493ca]"Everything."[/color]

Two thoughts surfaced from the depths of fear--one where Sander didn't return and one where a weak-willed boy with an ocean of muted words on his shoulders had to continue living with that consequence.

He had been afraid of dying, and the panic had boiled and settled with that initial fear, but this new thought that came with the sight of digitized words on a screen and the memory of a ribbon was a deeper terror. Even panic couldn't save him from this.

But the gentle voice was there like a bulwark against the abyss and Christmas reached for the wrist ringed in blue with shaking hands. [color 8493ca]"I'm--I'm scared of n-not coming back. And--and then not...not coming back with...with you."[/color]

Sander felt fingers wrapped around his left wrist, and he let them. He warned Ernie, despite the presence of everyone else, and he thought that was enough. But there was more fear, still. Fear that was further away than an Aberration with cocoa liqueur scent. Fear that he, for all his borrowed strength, couldn’t chase away. He wanted to make the blond boy feel better, and he thought he knew how. But he couldn’t do it. Couldn’t offer what he didn’t have. And Christmas had already given him so much by just staying. 
 
This wasn’t fair. All because he couldn't do enough. 
 
With a quiet sigh, Sander tugged his roommate closer to him –“[color=cyan]Let’s go back to the suite?[/color]” -He suggested, voice low and dejected.  

Sander led the way when Christmas nodded, the smaller boy still carefully counting his steps across the ground as they walked, mind looking for something harmless to focus on that wasn't the upcoming battle and wasn't the fear of never seeing Sander again, one way or another.

By the time they reached the suite, Christmas had managed a decent enough job of simply not thinking, and he would have shuffled into the door if Sander hadn't opened it in the nick of time. A quick blink reoriented him to everything that weighed on the moment and his legs moved towards the folded knife on the desk before his nerves could give way, his hand still refusing to let go of Sander's wrist. 

There was a steady, unfeeling heft to the knife when he picked it up, and Christmas let that sit in his left hand, waiting for resolve to catch up to his actions.

Sander obliged the movement, and when he saw the folded knife in his roommate’s hand, he said nothing. With a gentle hand on Christmas’ shoulder, he ushered the blond boy toward the nearby bed, and once he had sat down and pocketed the knife, Sander lowered himself in front of the boy until their eyes met. 
 
“[color=cyan]Hey, Christmas.[/color]” -With a sad smile on his lips, he reached up from his crouching position, fingers skirting the curve of Christmas’ lower jaw –“[color=cyan]Look at me.[/color]”  

Sander's hand on his shoulder and then tracing his jaw were beginning to separate themselves from the memories he used as comparison. It was becoming counterpoint, even as the instinctive discomfort from the motion reared up for the briefest of moments. Christmas's right hand clung to Sander's wrist in response, the trembling hold calming enough to clutch a bit more firmly.

At the request, he looked, blue eyes catching blue and they held their gazes.

“[color=cyan]I’m sorry. I can’t help you when you are scared.[/color]” -Sander admitted the obvious truth, letting his free hand drop to the mattress, right next to Christmas’ thigh –“[color=cyan]Can’t protect you either. Power doesn’t let me protect.[/color]”
 
A short pause, and Sander’s jaws clenched a few times as he pondered his words –“[color=cyan]…but I will find other ways. I will…kill the things…fast. I will come back to you. Promise. Won’t let them hurt you.[/color]”

[color 8493ca]"You do help--r-really. Just--come back here--[i]here[/i] a-after. ...Please? Whatever--whatever happens, please come back?"[/color] The words were quiet and plaintive.

“[color=cyan]Not about here.[/color]” -Sander reached a hand over to the ribbon around his wrist, tugging on the knot there after Christmas let go. Once it came free, he wrapped the strand of fabric around Christmas’ left wrist. Three loops, held together by the knot he had memorized. It looked better this time, when practice had staved off the initial clumsiness –“[color=cyan]You. I will come back to you.[/color]” 

Christmas didn't know what to say when the assertion was so clear and honest. When it matched the words he was too afraid to say himself. He followed the lines of blue and wondered if Sander would ever understand the feelings that darted beneath.

And it felt fine now, without the veil of being [i]okay[/i], even if his roommate never would. Sander would come back. Not to a place, and not to a vague pretense of friendship and something more that neither of them knew how to properly define. To Christmas. Sander would come back to him.

Words came and went with every small movement of his eyes and Christmas couldn't find any to supersede the things he wanted to say but didn't dare. And Sander didn't mind that he never seemed to have the right words. Always told him it was okay, and meant it.

So he didn't apologize this time. He thought he might be getting better at it, too.

Instead, he caught Sander's hand with both of his, holding the slender fingers and pulling the back of the hand closer where he watched the grooves and ridges of knuckles and followed them with the pads of his thumbs. Sander's hand collected heat between his palms and Christmas gripped the warmth a bit tighter. Just the barest hint of a wish that he wouldn't voice because he couldn't offer anything worthwhile.

He pressed the knuckles against his lips instead and pulled that hand down, the moment so brief he might have claimed it never happened.

[color 8493ca]"I believe you,"[/color] he finally said.

There was a strange fluttering in his chest, and Sander didn’t know what to make of that. So he just ignored the sensation and scooted closer to Christmas, leaning his forehead into the blond boy’s lap –“[color=cyan]Thank you.[/color]” -His voice came out muffled, and he closed his eyes –“[color=cyan]For staying.[/color]”
 
“[color=cyan]Please stay.[/color]” 

[color 8493ca]"...As long as you want."[/color] Christmas tracked the discolored shade of hair spreading from the roots, realizing now that he was looking so close the blond tinge in Sander's hair. He almost moved a hand to sift through the sleek, carefully maintained strands, but stopped himself just in time, returning the aberrant hand to clasp around Sander's fingers once more.

“[color=cyan]Thank you.[/color]” -Sander said it again, because he could never say it enough. He was contented to stay close instead, since Christmas had told him that he liked Sander near –“[color=cyan]I…want you near too. Not…the power. Not for…coffee. Me. I want you.[/color]” -He confessed into the fabric of the blond boy’s shorts, the words a touch more hasty than he liked. This wouldn’t be their last time together; he would try his best, but he had to say it, just in case.  

The words were impossible to misunderstand--at least to Christmas, but his beating heart did its best to hammer a different interpretation there, because for all that was wrong with the week, the morning, and all that would be wrong with the coming battle, he was--

--scared.

--uncertain.

--selfish.

--stupid.

--[i]happy.[/i]

It all filtered down into a pleading grimace and then into tears that he covered with the forearm of his jacket sleeve, rubbing them away so he could see Sander.

Christmas nodded, the movement small, but steady.

[color 8493ca]"...Y-you, too,"[/color] came the teetering words wrapped in a quiet sniffle. 

Sander heard the sniffle, and he heard the unusual thickness in Christmas’ voice as well, so he lifted his head and looked up –“[color=cyan]W-why are you crying?[/color]” -He straightened himself, reaching up with his free hand and wiping at the tears with his thumb –“[color=cyan]Don’t cry. Please.[/color]” 

More nodding, and it seemed to help lessen the tears. Without realizing, Christmas leaned his cheek into Sander's hand, then withdrew the pressure once the spreading heat across that side of his face reminded him he was asking for too much.

He wiped at the tears again, adding more spots to his sleeve, but finding a bundle of nerves in the midst of it. There was enough there to think he could at least reassure Sander.

So he offered the worried eyes a tiny smile.

[color 8493ca]"I'm okay."[/color] He meant it.

Sander reciprocated with a smile of his own, but he had heard the ‘I’m okay’ so many time, he just had to make sure. So he searched his memories and he thought of what made him feel better back then. Back when he was younger and happier. Back when he was afraid of heights and his favorite color was blue. 
 
Feeling slightly bolder, he rose to his feet, still crouching slightly to hold the gaze of blue before him –“[color=cyan]May I?[/color]” 

Wide eyes and a single nod answered him.

Once he got the confirmation from Christmas, Sander wrapped an arm around the blond boy’s shoulder and pulled him into his chest. The hug wasn’t too tight, but Sander’s arm was firm, and he just held his roommate against him, while his other hand still wrapped within Christmas’ fingers. He breathed in coffee for a few moments, before tuning it out, focusing on the scent of his own shampoo that Christmas had been using and resting his chin against the boy’s hair. 

Christmas froze in the hug, eyes open and unseeing for seconds he didn't count, until the shock dissipated and left him warm against Sander's body. There was a gentle pressure on his head where Sander settled, and he closed his eyes, breathing deep of the faint scent of laundry detergent and that crisp, woody cologne he remembered as a clear, blue-tinted vial nestled with Sander's array of bathroom supplies.

He still didn't think Sander really understood anything, but he no longer thought Sander was entirely unaware, either. And that precipice was, perhaps, more frightening than their prior status quo. But those were later thoughts for later moments. Something to look forward to--or maybe dread, but it promised a future where they both survived.

Christmas let himself relax there, burying his face against the fabric of Sander's shirt and letting the moment last as long as--who?--wanted.

Sander held the blond boy close for as long as he could. After a while though, he thought he smelled coffee again and his heartbeats were starting to get weird, so he let go. He kept a hand on Christmas’ shoulder though, reluctant to be apart from this source of warmth he had just found. 
 
“[color=cyan]Are you alright now?[/color]”

A nod that came after a quiet second, and Christmas offered that weak smile again. It faded quickly, but he thought he might get better at that, too.

“[color=cyan]Tired?[/color]”

[color 8493ca]"A--a little..."[/color] he admitted, the lack of sleep from earlier just barely catching up.
 
“[color=cyan]You should go back to sleep.[/color]” -Sander nudged at his roommate’s shoulder to a slow nod and a slower glance at the nearby bed. Christmas tugged at the sheets and slipped under them, checking quickly with his phone the time. They still had several hours left. Reassured, he laid down, thoughts still swarming with worries, but tempered by the steady presence nearby and the enveloping warmth of that embrace. Once the blond boy had settled down, Sander stood at his bedside for a few more moments, looking like he wasn't sure what to do next. Eventually though, he decided, and crawled into the bed with Christmas, leaning against the headboard as the smaller boy shifted away to make room, surprise on the bruised face now smudged with red where Christmas had been rubbing at his eyes. The healer stared at Sander, frozen again like he was afraid something would break if he breathed wrong.
 
“[color=cyan]I’ll be right here.[/color]”

Moments of silence settled on them after the words, and Christmas nodded again, reaching for Sander's hand with a light touch. [color 8493ca]"Th-thank you."[/color]

He didn't fall asleep for a while afterwards, despite the lingering drowsiness, but eventually warmth and the comforting silence of Sander simply being [i]there[/i] lulled him into a light sleep.

[/hider]