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[indent][indent]Sitting outside on the balcony of their [url=https://dynamic-media-cdn.tripadvisor.com/media/photo-o/1d/93/a1/61/deluxe-king-room.jpg?w=700&h=-1&s=1]hotel room[/url] of the Boston Yacht Haven Inn & Marina, watching the boats bob in the harbor as the sun welcomed a new day, Niles Sinclair relaxed his shoulders and quietly took a sip of his iced coffee from the local Starbucks. While it wasn’t Beau’s apple crisp macchiato, it at least still reminded him of the place he called home. In one of his hands he had his drink, having put his wife’s beverage and a vase filled with flowers in the kitchenette until she woke, and in his other hand was a book that wasn’t medical related. 

Thank God. 

He made the firm decision to not think about school or his residency while he was on vacation. If there was anyone that taught him to relax it would be the woman soundlessly asleep in their shared hotel bed. Or was she in the shower? Niles glanced back to confirm the whereabouts of his wife, his gaze immediately going to the light in the bathroom. Sitting in his thoughts, turning his attention back to the view and reading the book made by a former classmate of theirs, Charlie Decker, Niles smiled as his eyes scanned the line: 

[color=D3D3D3][i]Whatever the pain I feel, no matter the hurt, I look through my window into hers and I see her. I see her and I know my life has meaning. She is the air I breathe. William Henley once said I am the Captain of my soul. She is the Captain of mine.[/i][/color]

A story that compelled him like the great classics did. Hemingway, Dickens, Steinbeck, Wilde and so much more. A story that made him realize there was someone out there that saw the world for what it was and had anger bottling up inside him, just like him. The biggest difference was, and always will be, Niles knew he was born in privilege and it was in his privilege, he would have the better hand to succeed at life. Whatever success may be. Whether it was in love or within his career, or something else, Niles had more tools and resources to pursue it, with a good head on his shoulders. Something the narrator struggled with all his life, as well as the constant struggle of not communicating or even processing his emotions well. Niles could understand that and no money could get him to talk the chaos in his mind out, or express the raging storm in his heart. A woman though? A woman could and did everyday. 

Through a series of letters that is cleverly threaded together, gradually allowing the audience to grow with the narrator, who discovers himself through numerous revelations, giving the reader a sense of revivification, Niles found himself contemplative and filled with nostalgia. The narrator found his golden compass, a woman as bright as the moon in the dark, night sky, just as Niles had with Natalia. His forever girl with galaxies in her gorgeous, green eyes. In a sense, when he read this cautionary tale, which warned readers of the dangers of not finding their code, he felt that, in another world, parallel to this one, if Niles had less than, maybe he would have struggled just as much as the narrator has. Or perhaps, even if he still had this privilege that he used to take for granted, maybe he would stop listening to that voice that told him to channel his anger into his potential. maybe he would’ve let the darkness creep up and consume him, choosing the path that no saints walk but doing it well, giving his darkness a name.  

Damn, he was starting to think like Beau. 

Sighing to himself, he closed the book, placing it and his drink down on the balcony table. Standing up, he stretched his body and made his way to the railing, leaning against it to stare at the warm colors of the coming day. He and Natalia had arrived two days ago but decided to take some time to themselves in Boston before driving home to do the ‘we’re back’ routine. Saying hi to their fathers and siblings, getting texts of people they hadn’t seen in months or years of them wanting to hang, and just finding time to reconnect with their roots. That was all fine and dandy but Niles wanted to prioritize one thing over everything else and that was visiting their moms’ graves. Everytime they came back, they always made time to see their mothers. It was the one thing that centered him and reminded him that everything he was working toward had purpose and meaning. Everything he did would be a life his mother would be proud about and something that made Natalia the happiest woman alive. 

Niles didn’t crack the code of what absolute happiness was but as long as he had Natalia at his side, that’s all that really mattered. She was his reason to keep pushing forward and he would make sure she never regrets the decision of committing herself to him, even if he knew there will be days he won’t be the easiest man to love. He would rather fight with his wife over something stupid than live a life without her. The idea of losing Natalia was devastating so he’d work his ass off to make her feel loved and that he and her? They were forever. That she knew time and time again that he wanted her. There was no other person he would rather be with than her and like yesterday and tomorrow, today he wanted her. He wouldn’t stop wanting her. And if she could accept that he wasn’t bulletproof, he would love her so fiercely that when she woke up and when she went to bed there was no doubt in her mind that she was loved. 

He loved her. 

She loved him.

That was the singular, repetitive thought at the forefront of Natalia Sinclair’s mind as she let the warm water of the hotel shower run through her body. Much like their families, Natalia and Niles had been a united front against the triumphs and challenges of life since they were children meeting at daycare for the first time and becoming best friends. Additions to their respective family units, conflicts with their parents or siblings, puberty, academic and sporting achievements, expansions or reductions in their friendship circles, the devastating losses of their mothers… These and many more events had served to define their relationship throughout the years. 

They had their ups and downs like everyone else, and time periods in which they set each other free out of love and the genuine intention of allowing one another the space to spread their wings and experience life beyond the confines of their relationship. Rather than separate them, their times apart only helped solidify what they had known all along: that they were meant to travel this road together. Sure: the college flings had been fun and all, and she'd met wonderful people along the way. But if she was truly honest with herself, Natalia always knew that none of them were ever going to work. She unconsciously searched for Niles in every partner she had while they were separated, and every one of them always seemed to come up short. They couldn't make her laugh like he did. They couldn't cheer her up like he did. They couldn't please her in the way that he could. They couldn't understand her at the level that he did. At the end of the day, whenever she found herself celebrating the highest of highs or battling the lowest of lows, it was Niles who Natalia went back to-- who she [i]always[/i] wanted to go to. The day they got engaged and the day they united their lives in marriage were two of the happiest days of her life (as evidenced by the amount of hours she spent inconsolably crying with joy after each event).

Sometimes, whenever she would wake up from slumber to what felt like an empty space next to her in the bed, a deep-seated fear settled on the pit of Natalia's stomach. [i]‘Everything has been a dream,’[/i] a voice in her head would say. [i]‘Everything has been a figment of your very vivid imagination. None of it was ever real. Your life as you know it has been a lie.’[/i] Her chest would begin to tighten as the panic would start to set in, and she began to desperately search for proof that the voice in her head was wrong. Then her eyes would fall on the silhouette of the love of her life, her Niles Conall Sinclair, and the storm raging inside her would settle. Nothing was a lie. Everything was real. She wasn't alone in the world. She had her Niles.

Everything was good.

With her shower now over with, the green-eyed woman toweled off the water droplets off her hair and skin, slipped into the matching fluffy white slipper and robe set provided to them by the hotel, and exited the bathroom, leaving a citrus-scented trail behind her.  6 noticed the coffee and the flowers waiting for her on the kitchenette, Tal's Face broke into a beaming smile. That was her Niles: always making sure she knew just how much she was loved with little details like this. She took a sip of her drink as she scanned the room, enjoying the way the sweet liquid warmed her insides while her eyes searched for her elusive husband. She spotted him outside the room and on the balcony, leaning against the railing and looking absolutely absorbed in his own head. 

[i]Perfect[/i]

With a mischievous smile spread across her face, Natalia walked across the room. She slid the glass door that led to the balcony as quietly as she could in hopes that Niles was too wrapped up in his thoughts to pay any attention to his surroundings. Her slipper-clad feet barely made a sound as she tiptoed closer and closer to the man’s oblivious figure, until…

[color=7B68EE]"Boo!"[/color] Tal shrieked loudly at the same time she grabbed her husband’s waist with both hands. Snickering at his startled reaction, the young woman wrapped her arms around Niles and peppered his cheek with kisses-- an important part of her normal routine. [color=7B68EE]“Good morning, sunshine!”[/color] she greeted the man, nuzzling her face into his neck. [color=7B68EE]“Thank you for the coffee and the flowers. That was a nice way to start off my day.”[/color]

[color=19C8AC]“You’re energetic,”[/color] Niles chuckled, coming back from a high of her scaring the shit out of him. He had hyper focused on the view to the point that he had forgotten where he was for a second. Something his mind tended to do when he drifted into a headspace of melancholy. Years, it’s been years of him struggling with his mental health. Therapy session after therapy session, the pressure of school and the expectations of his father, especially when his old man does decide to retire. In addition to all that, Niles was still trying to maneuver through the world of wellness and self care just to feel and be happy. While the infinite sadness still lingered inside him — grief wasn’t something that just went away, it would live with him forever — Niles knew where he was and how far he'd come. This was the best place for him to be in. And he wasn’t alone. He had Natalia at his side and when he couldn’t be strong, she was there to help him walk, as he was there for her when the world became too much for her to carry.  

They both suffered great losses and their hearts, their minds and their souls would never be the same. They were reprogrammed and forever changed. And yet, throughout it all, they were still standing and if he had things his way, they would never fall. But if they did, he’d make sure that they were together, throughout it all. Neither alone. 

Contemplative of his reading, he turned his head to look at his wife. Leaning in, he pressed his lips against hers and breathed her citrus scent in. These lips, always on his mind. [color=19C8AC]“This is the best way to start things off.”[/color] [i]Kissing the love of his life.[/i] His one and only. His Natalia.

The first time Natalia’s lips had met with Niles’ had been well over a decade ago. She remembered the anticipation reflected as butterflies in her stomach like it was yesterday, along with the fireworks behind her eyelids when they kissed, the weakness in her knees when their kisses grew deeper a few years later, the way her head always felt like it was spinning and how the air seemed to be sucked out of her lungs… It was the same way she was feeling right now, as they kissed on the balcony of their shared hotel room-- the same way she had felt since they were young. [color=7B68EE]“You’re absolutely right,”[/color] she agreed with a smile, momentarily resting her forehead against his before allowing their lips to come together once more.

[color=19C8AC]“Hey, look,”[/color] he whispered, unlatching her hold around him. Gently, he directed her in front of him, pointing to the sunrise. Wrapping one arm around her waist, and the other around her chest, holding her close, possessively, Niles kissed her neck, brushing his nose against her skin. He leaned his cheek against hers as they stared at the beautiful view. [color=19C8AC]“What do you see?”[/color] 

[color=7B68EE]“Water,”[/color] Natalia answered matter-of-factly, unable to stop herself. Leave it to her to make a joke during what was supposed to be a serious, romantic moment. Attempts at humor were her way of lightening the mood before easing into any potentially more serious subjects. Chuckling from Niles’ reaction, she added, [color=7B68EE]“The sunrise. In the distance. Reflected over the ocean.”[/color] There, that was a better answer.

Niles chuckled, rolling his eyes in response. He was trying to be romantic but there she was, cracking jokes. He didn’t mind. It was one of the many things he loved about her. [color=19C8AC]“I see a new beginning, and a new ending. We can breathe in this fresh air and take the morning as a new start. Leave the bad behind and move forward into the future. Today, we welcome a new day to grow together. A new day to be grateful. And then tomorrow we can start all over again.”[/color] He rested his chin on her shoulder and closed his eyes, not wanting to let her go. [color=19C8AC]“I’m grateful you dealt with the worst of me. I don’t think anyone else would’ve had the patience for it.”[/color] 

An outsider listening in to their conversation would've brushed off Niles’ last bit as him referencing the normal ups and downs of any relationship, like petty arguments and squabbles that were solved in a span of a few minutes, hours or days. Unless you were someone the young couple grew up with, you would never know that, at the age of twelve, the devoted, loving man with Natalia in his arms had lost his mother-- and with her, his sense of purpose and direction in life. The goofy, cheerful boy the Italian girl had spent her formative years getting into mischief with had turned into a moody, rebellious shadow of himself, who spent his adolescence pushing everyone who loved him away while consumed by his grief and heartbreak.

The sudden shift in Niles’ personality was certainly tough for Natalia at first. She couldn't relate to his immense suffering, and struggled to understand why he seemed to reject and rebuff every single attempt she made at easing his pain and improving his state of mind-- a heavy burden on her own twelve year-old shoulders. Nevertheless, she persisted. She was a Belmonte, after all: stubbornness and determination was in their blood. The harder Niles pushed her away, the more Tal dug her heels on the ground. She stayed with him through highs and lows, proving her unwavering commitment to him time and time again. With time and therapy, the Sinclair son was able to face his demons, find ways to cope with the inner battles he faced, and build a life he was content with… A life alongside Natalia: something she was immensely grateful for. Things hadn't been easy, but nothing truly worth it ever was.

The brunette turned her face away from the stunning view in front of them to plant a kiss on her husband's cheek, placing her arms on top of his. [color=7B68EE]“The world was dealing you with a shitty card, love. I wasn't going to leave you to deal with that by yourself. When I said I would always be there for you, I meant it,”[/color] she reassured him, resting the side of her head next to his. [color=7B68EE]“And it's not like I've been perfect either. You've had your hands full with me too.”[/color]

[color=19C8AC]“Oh you’re a fucking brat,”[/color] Niles airily growled, his smug smile, sly and mischievous, growing wider as he eased his large hands down to her ass, earning himself a curious glance from his wife. Gripping firmly, he lifted her up, allowing her to wrap her arms and legs around him. [color=19C8AC]“I certainly do have my hands full…”[/color] he teased, squeezing her cheeks.

Although Natalia rolled her eyes, the laugh that followed her action made it clear that she was anything but annoyed. [color=7B68EE]“Only because you spoil me and let me get away with as much as you do,”[/color] she told her husband, letting her lips melt into his with a passionate kiss. While humor was her way of coping with potentially deep conversations, the flame of desire inside Niles seemed to spark up into a wildfire whenever the couple shared emotionally-charged discussions. Sometimes the transition was more subtle, other times it was more abrupt. But there was almost always a guarantee that a chat about feelings would end up with Niles and Natalia wrapped around each other as one.

Carrying her in tandem with him, he leisurely stepped toward the glass door that she left open. His destination was clear and his motive could be felt down below. [color=19C8AC]“Mrs. Sinclair,”[/color] he cooed, brushing his lips on her neck as he did so. He continued, [color=19C8AC]“As your gynecologist I believe you’re long overdue for an appointment. With such a busy day ahead of us, it’s my duty to provide you with the best service. As you already know, I give… detailed examinations… so I can’t promise you this will be quick.”[/color]
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