At this point there is little she can do besides endure. Writhing only makes the sun daggers worse. Moaning only reminds her how pathetic and miserable she is here. Lying still, accepting what limited help the Uncrowned King can offer her own imperfect form, at least this isn't wasting energy on top of everything. She can make it until the water comes. She is strong enough for this. She only hopes it's clean enough to drink.

It does not occur to her to be repulsed by the swarm standing above her in the shape of a humanoid. It does not occur to her to be jealous. These... she refuses to call them the 'Portuguese', even in her head. That's an Azura word, and they had clearly advanced beyond the point where another civilizations idea of them held any weight at all. It's too much to think about. They simply are. She simply is. They thrive. She lies on the dirt in pain. This is the way things were meant to be.

But please. The water. She's going to...

"I'm not trying to hurt you either. I'm just... the whipping girl. Gods can't do shit to Her Imperial Majesty. That's their rule for each other. Can't undo what the rest of them have done. You've heard the line, right? I saw it once. Sort of. This stupid eye. Hermes' eye. Redana called it the 'Auspex' but I don't know what the fuck its name is actually. I just. See with Her vision. Before my useless genetics get in the way and dumb it all down. Perfect senses. That's what I'm supposed to have. Anything less and I die. But it's not enough for her. Not enough to do more than hold her sight for a little while."

Bella's tongue is splitting. She's certain she can feel it. She tries to swallow, and she can't. Every word is labored and much too airy, she can't find her voice. It hurts her lungs to use them this much. There's not even enough moisture in her body for tears. But she presses on. She can't stop herself anymore.

"I've seen her Heart, too. My mother held it in her hand. Hermes... wasn't fast enough. Or wise enough or, or whatever. She could only save half the galaxy. Sure you've heard this too. She loved the half that burned. She scooped it all up. Held it close. Sealed herself away. There's a whole fucking cult, an organization with nothing on their minds but doing what she would want. And they just spin in circles. They don't know. She won't tell them. All she says is that Humanity must remain on Tellus. She's a master of politics and manipulation. She's just building 'heroes' and baiting them out into the middle of nowhere so they can do what she refuses to and... I don't really know. I'm too stupid to understand it. Does it redeem Humanity if they reach Gaia? Doesn't make sense; they're already fucking dead. 

"That's my job. Though. To get there. To give a message. Because everyone who left like good little children trying to do it on purpose all fucking died or melted away. I'm the only one who remembers. If I just... nnnnf! You don't. You don't understand. You can't go to Tellus. You can't! If you go, weird crystals or not, it's the last promise I've got left broken. I'll have failed. Everything. I! You think you know what barbarism is? The kennels I grew up in, before Nero plucked me out. I won't. I won't let you see. The torture. The training. The... treatments. Smoothing my skin, plucking my whiskers, tearing my claws out! And she! She just! Let it happen! I! I!"

She finds the strength to writhe after all. Apollo's curse be damned, it hurts too much not to thrash and squirm and scream with her weak voice. The thoughts inside her skull burn worse than any illness the sun god can cook up for her. It's too much it's too much it's too much.

"She saved me. She ruined me. She let me become a bomb. She lifted me to Praetor! First of any Servitor! But she kicked me out! Took the only home I ever wanted, and for what? She! [i]Wanted![/i] Redana to go! She did, I know she did! And even still she carved the fucking rose into my back and put a pretty crown on my head and threw me into nothing on a dagger made of death! I want to claw her face off! I want to wrap my arms around her and smell her again! I want... her to tell me I was good! I want to be enough! I never want to see her again, I hope the whole fucking Empire collapses into the Underworld and even Hades never sees it again! I want to save them. I just... want my sisters to not be sick anymore.

"I... you don't get it. If you go. If you make me. Fail. You won't learn the will of Hermes. You'll only find... her sword. She hasn't given up. She doesn't want to be known. Until she succeeds. Stupid... stupid bitch. Why? Why do I love her? I don't want it anymore. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't know more. Water. No. I..."