Joos:
Nit 1: Rain and her reaction to it. The Gors live in a land where water is the most precious item. They cannot stand to see water wasted. They will fight over a tiny stream. Can you imagine what it would be like for her to stand in the rain? She would at least think about all that free water. It is not a grave error, but I feel you need to know the Gor's reaction to water. To them, one who offers water is a friend for life.

That is a great point, and one I missed completely. I'll try to work something like that into my post. 

Nit 2: Her name. I am assuming it is Caz dan Ro. I have posted a set of naming conventions for the different cultures and I would prefer it if you followed that. If you absolutely insist, I will let it stay. 

I could've been more clear on this. I just made up a part of the Gor language on the spot. Her name is actually Caz. "Dan" would be their equivalent of our "von" (meaning of/from) and "Ro" is the name of her tribe. Caz dan Ro would be her "full" name, but she'll mostly be known as just Caz because she is an outcast. 

Nit 3: The "woe is me" bit. Sounds more like a Balenian noble talking. The Gors are a simple people. That's not to say they are not capable of deep thoughts. What I mean is, their language is like their attire - purely functional.

I see what you mean. My intention was that "woe is me" would be a sort of joke on her part, going into drama queen-mode after being almost assaulted by a fox. But I see that it wouldn't suit her very well. I'll fix a few things in my post and repost it for your (hopefully) enjoyment.