Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by Hostile
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Hostile Endorses Galactic Genocide

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It was a perfect day in the land of Mlgolia. The airhorns in the sky were tooting, the giant Dorito in the sky was shining its little rays of cancer, and the massive building of Valve Headquarters was shining like a beacon even during the day down below in Bellevue, its namesake valve symbol shining white, powered by the hopes and dreams of gamers wishing for Half-Life 3. Fluffy white clouds of vape mixed with dank 420 smoke were slowly drifting by in the pure blue well-textured skybox. It was a perfect day indeed down below in Steam's capital city of Montage, where people went about their daily lives, professional gamers going to and fro the giant MLG Stadium, trickshotters practicing in Quickscoping Park, stoners lounging around the Hundred Weedcre Woods, and just Steam users working in their officers purchasing and playing games for 99% off. Some young quickscopers made their way to the Steam School of Minecraft and Badassery, a prodigious MLG academy that had been rebuilt after it was destroyed during the Third Steam-Origin War fought between Valve and Electronic Arts.

Up above, the Gordon Freeman-class Valve Corporation Ship of Steam Lord Newell hovered in the air, its massive rotors powered by compressed dank memes spinning. Several aircraft sat on runway, F-22s taking off every now and then to go on routine patrols, and several AH-64 Apache attack helicopters doing much of the same, except heading off to soar over oilfields and dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. The entire ship was painted the colours of Valve: black, white, and grey. Both logos of the corporation were placed in select locations such as its runway and underside. Its main engines used for forward propulsion situated at the back glowed orange from spewing out fission-fragments of Doritos dust during Doritos-Mountain Dew nuclear fission. Its power core was located deep beneath many layers of solid Nokium armour, Nokias that had been taken apart outside the constraints of time and space using Chuck Norris' famous roundhouse kick to break reality itself, and reformed into a nigh-impenetrable material. The core ran on compressed composite Mountain Dew, every single flavour of Mountain Dew mixed into one super-reactive compound power source that is so volatile that it does not have a half-life, but a quarter-life.

As for its weapons, dozens of batteries of oversized AWP sniper rifles were fixed all around its body, quickscoping any hostile foolish enough to fly into its instant kill radius. Several other missile launchers were also built into its structure, homing onto targets. The ship itself was more than five-hundred metres in length, which meant its hangar had room for dozens of aircraft. It was designed by Lord Gaben himself after watching too much Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., which was why it resembled a much more badass version of the Helicarrier. It was also run using the Holy SteamOS.

Some distance away, a UH-60 Blackhawk was making its way to the flying base of Valve. Its passenger compartment was empty save for one person: a young and eager-looking teen with matching brown eyes and hair. A Ballista with CE Digital Camo was slung behind his back and over his zipped-open black hoodie with the MLG logo on it, his grey Aperture Science t-shirt visible. His KAP-40 rested in its holster around his dark blue jeans. He was practically skipping in his black and blue Nike sports shoes.

"Holy crap on a cupcake I can't believe I'm actually going on that thing!" He exclaimed with glee, staring at the pride of Valve. He was Kaliber Kushing, an average kid with decent skillz in qwickscoping and the most mediocre K/D ratio ever. He had decided to join the elite Meme Team after successfully performing a 1080 noscope across-the-map kill. Of course, he wasn't sure it was enough to become a member or Prestige, but a worth a shot.

You only YOLO once, after all.

As the Blackhawk gracefully flew over to the landing platform of the Lord Newell, Kaliber caught sight of a few other Blackhawks, each one carrying one new recruit. There weren't that many, maybe just five or six.

@DepressedSoviet @Cynder @AdobeFlash @Banana @cunfuzzler @Lady Selune @Vashonn @Gutshot
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Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by Gutshot
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Gutshot Abdomen-Bursting

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@Hostile
Lenny descended upon an African-american Hawk like many of the other chosen characters approaching the Steam heli-carrier, his form contained within a volatile, blue alien-ware computer. Coming to the surface of the giant aircraft, the AI's body morphed into full existence to greet the other "K*NTS" that formed this cancerous group. The PC hardware fluctuated multiple times before deciding on the form of a CSGO terrorist (Dust two design, of course). Looking upon the other recruits with his floating, seizure-inducing head, Lenny's virtual eye was eventually caught by one simple human. "'Kaliber Kushing'?, 'KushL0rd'? WHaT THe HEll Is ARt THoSe NAmEs FAGGoT? R U AnoTHeR ONe OF ThOSe SHoTGuN USiNG SCrUbs ThAT USes LUck SHOts 2 BE MLg?! K Y S", the AI said before starting a live stream to taunt the unqualified kid. Equipping his decorated Karambit and beginning to goad the noob with his own amazing gear, Lenny typed into his densely populated Twitch chat. "YO GuiS, TYpE 'KALIbEr Is A STuPId NiGEriAN CITiZen' In THe CHaT. REk HIm GOOd, ANd HiS MuM TOO ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)."
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Gardevoiran
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Gardevoiran The Forbidden One

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The most musical of this bunch of rookies was already there recruiting any passing n00bs for the Skeleton Army. To all, he was not known as someone who cared for conversation. He was not known for the insane 720 noscope headshots he did on a daily basis. He was known for providing trumpet solos that supplied the listeners with the holiest supply of calcium known to man. Mr Skeltal was in the top 10 CoD:BO3 Zombies leaderboard from his mlg skills with his knife strats and his most mlg of sniper rifles. He downgraded to a Barrett .50 cal for this team though, as he didn't want to blind them with his ultimate power just yet. As the skeleton approached the Steam Heli-carrier, he pulled out his trumpet and played a holy rhythm for everyone around.

*Never Gonna Give You Up, but it's dooted*
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by AdobeFlash
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AdobeFlash Thrumunculus

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HAROLD looked out upon the cancerous land. He hadn't bothered to learn it's name. HAROLD hadn't bothered to do a lot of things. There WAS one thing he bothered to do: complain. He launched into a tirade about the stale memes this world was made out of, and how back in his day on the shores of New Jersey he had met a meme vendor with an inventory so fresh it once killed a man. But those days are long gone. HAROLD focused, optimizing his meme-seeking sunglasses to scout out his coworkers. Just as he guessed: a bunch of stale memes. At least the Harambe-lovin' one was a """""trap""""". Those're ever fresh as memes. As the Blackhawk landed, HAROLD let loose a cascade of ancient dollar bills, just so everyone knew HAROLD had made his entrance. Maybe it'd distract everyone from the 2009 music that was playing out of one of the other helicopters. Pffft. Such nubiles.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Vashonn
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Vashonn 🇦🇧🇾🇸🇲🇦🇱 🇦🇧🇾🇸🇸 🇸🇴🇺🇱

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One of the Blackhawks had been taken through a great deal of detailing, the exterior of the transport chopper painted in a vast array of hot pinks and teals and maroons, all emphasizing a feeling of independence and uniquity that tears at the very heart of an uncultured soul. A great championing of memes had been called forth to the great Lord Newell, for only those who had been born unto the memes could survive the times ahead of them. He hadn't asked for this life, but it had chosen him. ダンククッシュ stood from his pompous leather seat (made from the skins of the fabled Doreetah, the rarest of Dorito-animal hybrids) and breathed deeply. The scent of nacho cheese crumbs filled his stone nostrils, pleasing every fiber of his being. No, he hadn't asked for this life, but the sweet distant calls of his future waifu had graced ダンククッシュ's ears, caressing his fragile, chiseled body from the confines of his mother's basement and into the beams of solar radiation that his body hadn't felt in over a decade.

ダンククッシュ put a new cassette into his Sony Walkman TPS-L2 (he wouldn't settle for anything but the finest) and shouldered his weapon, Blank Telepath プラス. He tested the air - yes, it was time to make his presence known. He had told his pilot earlier to fly high above Lord Newell, and from over a kilometer above the Steam ship, he leapt. Terminal velocity was quickly reached, and a smile spread across ダンククッシュ's smooth lips as he approached the ship. In superhero-esque fashion, he brought his fist down and landed, creating a small crater around his landing zone. The sheer force of the impact shook the massive Valve vessel, rocking it downward, the turbines churning with maximum force to keep the ship from losing too great of an altitude. After a brief pause, ダンククッシュ stood upright and adjusted his bucket hat.

"Now this... This is how it feels to be alive!"
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Gutshot
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Gutshot Abdomen-Bursting

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@Vashonn@AdobeFlash@Banana@Hostile

Turning around at the audience, Lenny cussed, "KYS. This thread is dead, I'm dead, and soon all my cousin's brain cells will be dead. I hope cancer infects your genitale. Good day, because you probably already forgot about this RP."

The meme soon proceeded to kill this roleplay, the endeavor to produce eloquently written memes having failed.

Fin, Faggots.
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