A place to leave my thoughts.
In this day of social media domination it seems there are so many places to write what you are thinking (or show that you are not) and with a head racing with somewhat tangible thoughts I have often wanted to find a place to keep and share them.
However I am a coward, my own will constrained by fears so instead I hide my thoughts far from judgement, my character from prosecution and let them dwindle in my head until lost to time.
Why I worry of the opinion of people merely labeled as friends but not actually, I don't know. Truth be told if I don't count them as friends then I have none... When did that even happen???
Somewhere it all went wrong..
Can it be undone?
What do I do next?
But alas I get sidetracked because here are my thoughts, written under this pseudonym, anonymity worn like a mask as I masquerade as someone more confident then I.
So if all above is an introduction, that which is below is my first story / thought.
Late night drive.
I was on my way home just this night, after finishing work and a short failed gym session. I had been somewhat crying as I have often found myself doing over this past year when left alone with my own thoughts for too long.
Having since regained some composure, I sat at some lights when a car pulled up beside me. Tears no longer ran from my eyes but I could feel where they streaked my face and for some strange reason, despite my curiosity, I had this gut fear feeling that wouldn't allow me to look at this car sitting beside me, I just couldn't. Just incase some how, in the dark of midnight and through my tinted windows this stranger that I don't even know would somehow notice I had been crying or was upset...
I think we have somewhere along the lines of history developed this notion, this fear, this hard wired gut feeling, that we cannot be seen to be sad, or show it.
Happy, yes. angry, that's fine too. But sad and upset...