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    1. ham 10 yrs ago

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2 yrs ago
Current Hello
3 yrs ago
Be weird to cross Matrix & Harry Potter, like instead of of pills...it'd be potions. "Wake up Harry, you are in the Matrix."
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3 yrs ago
My first updates pretty hilarious
4 yrs ago
Been awhile, what's up?
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7 yrs ago
I'm running into some problems with archetypes using a D20 system. :(

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In the RP, have we all met each other before? Or do some of us have history and others don't?

Hey @ZayZe,

There are a couple of things I want to point out as a reader, let's start with grammar.

I think the dialogue runs as so:

"I guess it's about time to get on with today," he groans. Picking up his...

versus

“I guess its about time to get on with today.” He groans, picking up his


The punctuation flows easier because it connects what he said to the action. I'm sure there's more to it than just that.

---

I think your detail is great but it might be too passive in immersing the reader into your world. Are you familiar with active and passive voices? The tone I get from reading is like reading a text book that's describing factual information. I think I'd get more of a kick to understand your character's preference as in the how he perceives the world around him.

Does that make sense? I can explain more if needed.

There's also a passivity to your writing that needs to be balanced out by an active voice. This is more apparent during the setting explanation, the character's actions, and the encounters with other characters.

Here's a pretty good guide on this: Passive Voice versus Active Voice.

There are also some run-on sentences in your role play. Consider adding periods to end a phrase before starting a new one. Comma usage is tricky and it befuddles me sometimes as well.

A lot of rules I think I know intuitively but I break some of them too. I think it's okay to break some rules as long as the decision is made by choice. I hope this helps.



Okay, great!

[@King-Tai]

I left that part at the end where Abebowale mentions she knows a person. I didn't want to include him automatically without your consent but I wanted that person to be Blaque. Sammy would go to Blaque looking for work and if its the start of Vendetta Inc. then he would "try out" so to speak but if they've been doing it for years together then he would most likely be working alongside Blaque.

He would be part of the UN as a retired veteran. Being a veteran, he has worked with the UN Government for quite some time, but holds no allegiance to them. Through Adebowale's mentorship, he understands his place as a pawn, and what the job entails. His joining Vendetta Inc. would mark the day he decided to fight for what he believes in.

Being a high profile agent for the UN Government, he's enabled a Deadman's Switch should any of the UN Government officials deem him dangerous. Sammy never tells them what entails if he were to die but assures them that it would cripple them in the public's eye and give reason for other entities to attack them causing them to be put in an unfavorable position. Unless he does something directed towards the UN Government, he is of no consequence to them. They felt it would be better to leave him alive, and monitor his actions closely until the day he decides to strike against them.

I'll let you decide whether or not the UN Government goes after Sammy depending on how you want to direct the campaign. They'd have a list of contingencies to counter Sammy.
I'd be interested in doing "The Last of Us" or "The Order 1887".

What do you consider a long wait time? Usually for me its between 24-48 hours.
Thank you for sharing this.
Welcome!

I hope you enjoy your stay at the Guild.
In Ahoy. 7 yrs ago Forum: Introduce Yourself
Welcome!

Any particular setting you like in D&D? I'm in a local game and I'm building an Sword Art Online RP from a D20 system for fun. I also lurk the Tabletop RP section quite a bit as well.

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