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    1. Hostile 9 yrs ago
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6 yrs ago
Current It's called the circle of life because life is pointless.
6 yrs ago
"I should go." - Commander Shepard
3 likes
6 yrs ago
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humour.
7 likes
6 yrs ago
I want to travel to Prague so I can Czech it off the list of places to visit.
1 like
6 yrs ago
I ordered 1000 kilograms of Chinese soup. It was wonton.
8 likes

Bio

Most Recent Posts

In the land before time, Littlefoot's mom, depressingly enough, died. But he had memes so all was well. Until Megatron laser cannoned the fire nation, destroying many cabbages and causing Littlefoot to become a powerful earth bender after Cera was brutally flung across the ocean. "By the power of Greyskull," the flaming homosexual wombat exclaimed, as he slipped and fell, only to be caught by a hopeless romantic trying to figure out the meaning of extraterrestrial existence in bed. Then he realized that without cheese, he could not feed his grandmother so he bought some power metal, pure cheesy goodness. However, Littlefoot was a metalbender, meaning the power metal could be bent, which would be glorious for Fire Nation. So Littlefoot challenged Megatron to a fist fight aboard the ship shaped like a cabbage. "Help me, Obi-wan!" Megatron cried, heard by a crimson eagle living in your basement furnace. Littlefoot tried to defeat Megatron by singing sweet nothings and tempting him with bacon, which was remarkably effective.

"Littlefoot," Megatron blushes, his metal lips stuck with bits of bacon while dipping some Szechuan sauce, "I surrender to your superior, the legendary Obi-wan Kenobi and his Mighty Morphing Power Rangers." Littlefoot laughed triumphantly and then said, "I am your father." Reaching out, he took Megatron's PC and downloaded Windows 10.

And then Nestor Makhno appeared.

"This! Is! Sparta!" Makhno bellowed, before stroking his mustache excitedly.

"If you say so, kid." Littlefoot replied, teleporting behind him before placing his hands on his shoulders to warmly embrace Megatron. Makhno, meanwhile, welcomed them both by performing an RKO outta nowhere. Littlefoot was stunned, but Megatron was impressed by his outstanding skillset.

"So tell me," said the man in the mirror, now twirling his hair

"No" Littlefoot unholstered his gat and immediately opened fire on his little toes by accident. Thus proving that a good set of fingers was required when you have little toes.

Makhno declared, "We must go bowling at Barney's Bowl-O-Rama. Now."

Littlefoot agreed, so they left. With all the haste of a coursing river.

Once there, Makhno spotted the Red Army. "Do you cheeki breeki, сука?"

The Red Army fired at the man in the mirror. Megatron saw this and laughed. A Tank rolled up and Makhno cried, "TANKIES!" in alarm. An Missile landed about eight inches, detonating Megatron's mechanical wiener. He needed a replacement right wiener, for two wasn't enough. The mission impossible theme started playing, and everyone started dancing the chicken dance. When winter did not come after dancing, the conga line to a white walker banquet was formed. In the end, many things applauded the Red Army & Makhno for taking a joke. Megatron cried, "EW MUST ESCAPES HERE FASTLY". But in the end, it returned to random dancing again. Optimus Prime punched Megatron in his pair of tits. Darkness rapidly approached the two, and consumes them, transporting them as Littlefoot committed Seppuku honorably. Until a Angel tried to play Sonic R on Playstation. The Spirit of Littlefoot went to bukake party. Utilizing a new semen body, he breaks the ice by using an ancient, mystical technique. That destroys the world as Megatron's new wiener launched to space reignited the passion of love before exploding on everyone's faces. Sephiroth arrived on the scene with an oversized magnifying glass, triggering mutation in Megatron's hand and making it go limp, which made him a polar bear with chronic depression. Sephiroth magnified the sun and it made the horse with huge tits.

Then SCP-682 arrived and
Fifteen minutes.

Fifteen minutes and the once-grassy hills and ground had been churned up into a battlefield of mud, gore, and metal. Much of the trees in the area were either on fire or had splintered into a million pieces as shrapnel rained down from above, flaming wrecks of both human and Vaskran craft crashed and burned. Armoured bodies littered the area, still holding their weapons as they failed to find cover in time. And the sky weeped, crying buckets as raindrops pelted the ground like bullets. But the battle still raged on, each side too focused on murdering each other to care about the weather. Down below, streaks of light tore across the landscape as human and alien fought tooth and nail to win the battle.

By now, both the UEGNC and Vaskran main forces had arrived, and the firefight had turned into a full-on battle with vehicle and artillery support. 8.41x63mm coilgun rounds streaked across the air as Marines scrambled to find whatever they could, unbothered by the rain as their HUD helpfully marked out the terrain and enemies. On the other side, the alien soldiers did the same, popping out of cover to fire their energy beam weapons. From a distance, were it not raining, it would make a magnificent light show, one to entertain children for years to come. If one were to ignore the screams of the dying, of course.

The rain mercilessly pelted the hull of the Rolling Thunder as explosions covered the Dragoon with mud, only to get washed off by the rain. Relentlessly, the vehicle continued its brutal push. "Bowman! Target, right side!" Carver commanded, and the tank shook as a round shot out and demolished the wreck of a civilian car the Vaskrans were using as cover. Blue-orange blood sprayed everywhere, along with body parts. "Target! Right!" The rain had grown so heavy by this time it blanketed the area with white water. Visibility was low, and advanced sensors were vital for picking out targets. Only faint flashes of light and the vauge outlines of shapes. Undeterred, the Rolling Thunder pressed on.

Then suddenly, everything stopped. The tank's engine suddenly switched off, along with all of its systems and lighting.

"What the hell?" Carver switched on his helmet flashlights, illuminating the rather spacious interior of the tank in a bright white light. The other two members did the same. "What happened?"

"I don't know!" Fields responded, fear evident in his voice as he futilely pushed on the tank's control pedals and yanked on its yoke. "Controls aren't responding!"

Carver growled as he bashed the control panel. "Dammit! We're dead in the water!"

"Heh, dead in the water." Bowman gave a quiet chuckle in an attempt to hide his anxiety. Carver glared at him behind his helmet.

"Dammit, Bowman! Not the time!" He would have given him a proper reprimand were it not for the engine of the tank whirring back to life, followed by its lights and systems. It seemed as if nothing happened at all, though the exterior holofeeds were still booting up, displaying 'LOADING'. Confused, Carver tapped at his controls and saw that everything was in working order. "What." He said, tonelessly.

"Uh..." Fields agreed, looking around, his feed also booting up.

And then the feed finally finished syncing, and the eyes of each crewman nearly burst out of their helmets.

Because they were no longer in a storm, or a battle, or even a war-torn clearing. No, they were in a forest with trees of red and orange, with great lakes and water bodies and rivers everywhere. The golden gleams of a sun at dawn shone through the leaves, basking the forest floor in a magnificent amber glow. It was a sight to behold indeed, and the crew of the Rolling Thunder would have basked in the forest's natural beauty were it not for the fact that they were at a complete loss for words. Carver, being the man with a plan, was the first to break the silence.

"What the fuck."

The other tankers couldn't agree more, and they each shook themselves out of their stupor.

"WHAT?!" Bowman all but yelled, blinking and shaking his head as if to snap himself out of a dream.

"What the hell?!" Fields cycled and refreshed his visual feed, only to get the same result every single time.

Sensing the rising panic, Carver raised his voice. "Dammit, people! Calm down! We've got the solve this in a perfectly rational fashion."

The crew obliged and sank back into their seats.

Carver took a breath. "Alright. First, we've got to find out where we are." He tapped the tank's holographic console. "Wait, what's not right." He rapidly began to type in a series of commands, becoming increasingly desperate. "Goddammit! I can't get a signal! I have no idea where we are!" He sounded absolutely exasperated.

"So what do we do now?" Fields asked, nervous.

The Rolling Thunder's commander took a breath. "I don't know. Just... drive. Forward!"

And so the tank did, driving forwards to... wherever. It flattened bushes and uprooted trees under its metal tracks as it continued to wander aimlessly, before eventually coming to a stop in a clearing besides a gurgling stream.
In the land before time, Littlefoot's mom, depressingly enough, died. But he had memes so all was well. Until Megatron laser cannoned the fire nation, destroying many cabbages and causing Littlefoot to become a powerful earth bender after Cera was brutally flung across the ocean. "By the power of Greyskull," the flaming homosexual wombat exclaimed, as he slipped and fell, only to be caught by a hopeless romantic trying to figure out the meaning of extraterrestrial existence in bed. Then he realized that without cheese, he could not feed his grandmother so he bought some power metal, pure cheesy goodness. However, Littlefoot was a metalbender, meaning the power metal could be bent, which would be glorious for Fire Nation. So Littlefoot challenged Megatron to a fist fight aboard the ship shaped like a cabbage. "Help me, Obi-wan!" Megatron cried, heard by a crimson eagle living in your basement furnace. Littlefoot tried to defeat Megatron by singing sweet nothings and tempting him with bacon, which was remarkably effective.

"Littlefoot," Megatron blushes, his metal lips stuck with bits of bacon while dipping some Szechuan sauce, "I surrender to your superior, the legendary Obi-wan Kenobi and his Mighty Morphing Power Rangers." Littlefoot laughed triumphantly and then said, "I am your father." Reaching out, he took Megatron's PC and downloaded Windows 10.

And then Nestor Makhno appeared.

"This! Is! Sparta!" Makhno bellowed, before stroking his mustache excitedly.

"If you say so, kid." Littlefoot replied, teleporting behind him before placing his hands on his shoulders to warmly embrace Megatron. Makhno, meanwhile, welcomed them both by performing an RKO outta nowhere. Littlefoot was stunned, but Megatron was impressed by his outstanding skillset.

"So tell me," said the man in the mirror, now twirling his hair

"No" Littlefoot unholstered his gat and immediately opened fire on his little toes by accident. Thus proving that a good set of fingers was required when you have little toes.

Makhno declared, "We must go bowling at Barney's Bowl-O-Rama. Now."

Littlefoot agreed, so they left. With all the haste of a coursing river.

Once there, Makhno spotted the Red Army. "Do you cheeki breeki, сука?"

The Red Army fired at the man in the mirror. Megatron saw this and laughed. A Tank rolled up and Makhno cried, "TANKIES!" in alarm. An Missile landed about eight inches, detonating Megatron's mechanical wiener. He needed a replacement right wiener, for two wasn't enough. The mission impossible theme started playing, and everyone started dancing the chicken dance. When winter did not come after dancing, the conga line to a white walker banquet was formed. In the end, many things applauded the Red Army & Makhno for taking a joke. Megatron cried, "EW MUST ESCAPES HERE FASTLY"
UEG COLONY WORLD APEX
OCTOBER 16, 2846
1330 HOURS (LOCAL TIME)


The colony world Apex was well-known for its heavily forested and mountainous landscape. The entire forest was basically one gigantic mountain range, covered in both native and non-native flora. All kinds of wildlife prospered in the underbrush, while birds and aerial predators ruled the skies. It was a peaceful planet, managing to avoid the threat of terrorism for its hundred-year history as a colony, thanks to its general lack of political importance. However, the planet was finally attacked in mid-2846, not by humans, but by the alien race known as the Vaskran Hierarchy. By the time it was attacked, humanity had been at war with the aliens for more than two years.

Two long and bloody years since the outbreak of hostilities.

Now, the United Earth Government and its military, the United Earth Government Naval Command, was fighting a gruelling campaign against the Vaskrans in order to reclaim the planet. A blocky and rather unsightly alien transport streaked by overhead, above a small Vaskran base. Two aliens soldiers stood on the top of a hill, one with orange markings on his armour, the other one red on both armour and scales. They each grasped a T3EW Energy Beam Weapon in their hands, fingers ending in a sharp talon claw.

"Hey." The red one began, turning to his partner. His six slitted eyes were all focused on his orange partner as he attempted to strike up a conversation under the shining sun and scattered clouds.

"Yeah?" The orange one questioned, turning to his red partner, though his expression only read boredom as his snake-like tongue slid out of his elongated snout as he tasted the air for the umpteenth time.

"You ever wonder why we're here?"

The orange alien seemed to dwell on that for a while, showing his rows upon rows of razor-sharp teeth as he considered it. Then, he shrugged and spoke. "It's one of life's great mysteries, isn't it? Why are we here? I mean, are we the product of some cosmic coincidence, or is there really a god watching everything? You know, with a plan for us and stuff. I don’t know, friend, but it keeps me up at night."

Silence followed as the two stared at each other, the red one with an incredulous expression, the orange one with an uncomfortable and awkward one. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the red one spoke, clear disbelief in his rasping voice. "...What? I mean, why are we out here, in this forest?"

The orange one stared at his armoured three-toed feet. "Oh. Uh, yeah."

"What was all that stuff about god?"

"Hm? Nothing."

"You want to talk about it?"

"No."

The red one raised a claw to say something else, when the ground beneath them suddenly began to rumble. "What the-" Then they caught a glint of something in the treeline. He raised his weapon and stared down the scope, and immediately realised too late that it was one of those armoured fighting vehicles used by the humans. "OH SCHINDA!"

The two were then vaporised along with most of the uppermost portion of the hill when the vehicle's main cannon fired. The 125mm armour piercing high explosive round left the elongated rectangular barrel with such velocity it left a trail of white-hot plasma as it streaked through the air, and smashed into the hill hard enough to send a massive amount of grass and soil into the air. As the grit and dirt began to rain from the sky, the four-tracked RT413 Dragoon main battle tank rolled out of the treeline and towards open ground, the words Rolling Thunder proudly painted on its left side.

"Ha, ha! Good shot, Bowman!" Staff Sergeant Marcel Carver congratulated in his usual gruff voice, sitting at the commander's seat inside the tank. He was currently staring at the destruction through the Dragoon's holographic 270-degree view and watched as the lizards scrambled and began to deploy a response force. The commander wore his stripes on his Flame Resistant Multipurpose Vehicular Command with much pride. He didn't spend all those years in tank school and numerous offworld deployments for nothing. "Target, left side!"

"You got it!" Sergeant Adrian Bowman responded in his usual relaxed tone as he swung the turret around and pressed the fire button, causing the entire vehicle to shake as another 125mm round shot out and annihilated a Vaskran tank-like vehicle. The vehicle went up in a massive fireball of blue and orange. "Whoa! Damn, whatever the lizards use in those things are volatile as hell!" He observed as the Rolling Thunder was pelted with those strange alien energy beams. He'd seen what those things did to unarmoured soft targets like civilians. Burned right through flesh and bone, leaving a large hole where the beam entered and exited. Against armour, however, it wasn't as effective due to duratanium's high heat resistance. Sure, Marines still fell when they were hit, but against tanks, then they were akin to throwing snowballs at a brick wall and hoping it would fall. Bowman switched to the tank's 25mm Swarmer missile system and independently target every offending enemy soldier, before firing. A dozen tiny missiles immediately launched out of the tank and rocketed towards each one, before detonating. "How're you doing down there, Fields?"

"Fine, really." Replied Corporal Collin Fields as he stepped on the accelerator pedal, leading the charge as the other three tanks of Chariot Platoon. The four treads of the tank kicked up a large amount of dirt as they spun, propelling the vehicle forwards. The other tanks had begun blasting away, tearing any Vaskran vehicle or infantry to shreads. It would be easy to take out the first of the responders, harder to beat the main force. Even now, the next wave Vaskran troops had arrived, alien dropships landing and spewing troops from their carrying bays. Alien fighters engaged in a fierce dogfight with UEGNC Warhawks, decorating the sky with a plentora of smoketrails and explosions.

"Alright, people!" Carver said over tank's onboard communications systems. "Looks like the lizards are coming with full force. Keep pushing forwards!" By now, human DTT-143 Vulture dropships had swooped down behind the tanks and unloaded squads of armoured Marines who immediately opened fire on the alien infantry. Within minutes, the formerly tranquil scene had transformed into the site of a brutal firefight.

And it was just the calm before the storm.
@Lugubrious Do the College staff make another appearance (as in, we get to control them again), or are they like a one-time thing?
Me watching the current world events.

In the land before time, Littlefoot's mom, depressingly enough, died. But he had memes so all was well. Until Megatron laser cannoned the fire nation, destroying many cabbages and causing Littlefoot to become a powerful earth bender after Cera was brutally flung across the ocean. "By the power of Greyskull," the flaming homosexual wombat exclaimed, as he slipped and fell, only to be caught by a hopeless romantic trying to figure out the meaning of extraterrestrial existence in bed. Then he realized that without cheese, he could not feed his grandmother so he bought some power metal, pure cheesy goodness. However, Littlefoot was a metalbender, meaning the power metal could be bent, which would be glorious for Fire Nation. So Littlefoot challenged Megatron to a fist fight aboard the ship shaped like a cabbage. "Help me, Obi-wan!" Megatron cried, heard by a crimson eagle living in your basement furnace. Littlefoot tried to defeat Megatron by singing sweet nothings and tempting him with bacon, which was remarkably effective.

"Littlefoot," Megatron blushes, his metal lips stuck with bits of bacon while dipping some Szechuan sauce, "I surrender to your superior, the legendary Obi-wan Kenobi and his Mighty Morphing Power Rangers." Littlefoot laughed triumphantly and then said, "I am your father." Reaching out, he took Megatron's PC and downloaded Windows 10.

And then Nestor Makhno appeared.

"This! Is! Sparta!" Makhno bellowed, before stroking his mustache excitedly.

"If you say so, kid." Littlefoot replied, teleporting behind him before placing his hands on his shoulders to warmly embrace Megatron. Makhno, meanwhile, welcomed them both by performing an RKO outta nowhere. Littlefoot was stunned, but Megatron was impressed by his outstanding skillset.

"So tell me," said the man in the mirror, now twirling his hair

"No" Littlefoot unholstered his gat and immediately opened fire on his little toes by accident. Thus proving that a good set of fingers was required when you have little toes.

Makhno declared, "We must go bowling at Barney's Bowl-O-Rama. Now."

Littlefoot agreed, so they left. With all the haste of a coursing river.

Once there, Makhno spotted the Red Army. "Do you cheeki breeki, сука?"
Anything, really. I may be able to finish my characters later, and start by tomorrow. I have a really tight schedule this week.
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