Avatar of PrivateVentures
  • Last Seen: 5 yrs ago
  • Joined: 7 yrs ago
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    1. PrivateVentures 7 yrs ago

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Recent Statuses

7 yrs ago
Current FIRST THE HOSPITAL BILLS, NOW ALL OF MY DOCUMENTS ARE GONE. GONE. FUCK. GONEEEEEEEEEEEE
1 like
7 yrs ago
still in and out of doctors and chiropractors. at least i get drugs for it lol
7 yrs ago
Locked into a new schedule. Only gonna be on here around 11:00 A.M. EST to 1:30 P.M. EST.
7 yrs ago
I don't understand why people like Supernatural so much.
3 likes
7 yrs ago
Might have to move back in with my parents. This town is toxic and my leasing company is criminal. I'm tired of spending my free time with my attorney.
1 like

Bio

I write a little bit of everything. If you really want to know what sort of things my mind goes to, here's a link:Pens and Swords

In the end, I like to think I'm an easygoing, friendly, and personable fellow. And I would certainly consider myself skilled in the art of non-aggressive communicatio- WHATCHU SAY ABOUT MY MOM

Most Recent Posts

@ExitAh, yes. That would have been a great variable in Gru's equation of perception. However, I don't know if Gru necessarily needs to speak, but he certainly needs a means of communication. You could even have the automaton corpse on his back speak for him like the Crypt-Keeper.

@GuntherThanks for the post! I can't believe some of my text turned blue though
@ChaoticFox You keep tagging me, so I figured I'd throw in a little something
Meanwhile...


The warehouse was dark, the power having been severed months before. It was cold, as was the water around the island. Ice floated up on the beach sometimes this time of year. The nearby town had closed up some six similar buildings in the past ten months, having discovered drug shipments hidden among the legitimate merchandise.

The investigation first hit the shipping company. Then, the warehouse workers. Then, the foreman. Eventually, the police had run such a ragged circle that the case was dropped and the buildings shut down.

A man in a dark brown leather jacket and jeans entered. A big red plastic keyfob swings from his jacket pocket, likely keys to a boat. He was a white man, foreign to this area. His hair was long, unkempt, as was his beard. He held in his hands a rifle of the M16 class. On his back was a large hiker's backpack, apparently packed to the seams. His eyes flitted back and forth. A nervous sweat formed on his forehead. A click echoed through the building as he hit the safety and raised his weapon.

CLANG!

Something in the darkness! Footsteps!

CLACKCLACKCLACKCLACKCLACKCLACK!

In the gunfire he can see it. It looks like a person.

"RAAAAUGH!" CLACKCLACKCLACKCLACKCLACK!

Shell casings flew. One hit his cheek. It burned. He didn't flinch.

CLACKCLACKCLACKCLACKclick- click

"RAAAUGH!" It still charged. He responded,

"DIE!" and slung a savage kick forward into the dark, seemingly using the weight of his bag for extra momentum.

CRUNCH.

He screamed, and it gasped at him, still trying to roar. Its fingers wiggled feebly. His foot had gone right through its rotting chest, severing its spine. He raised his weapon, stock down, and dropped it onto his crippled assailant's head over and over and over.

Finally, the skull broke, and the jaw stopped moving. He pulled his leg out with a sickening sucking sound, and fought down vomit.

He managed to cough out three words: "They're here, too?"
@GuntherYou kept all the basics and edited minimally. Only change I would make thus far is fixing Darach's "he spit Dali's skull" into "he split Dali's skull"

But aside from that, your rewrite is PV-Approved
@Mokley@Gunther@Darach@Polybius@Exit

Don't forget to add in your BBcode. Trust me. It's waaaaay easier to do beforehand.

Without colored text and such, it'll get confusing quickly.
@GuntherI'm cool with anyone posting it. I'm not super possessive.

That having been said, why not give it an extra day, and we each put up our own rewrite from our own point of view, that way we can decide on the best one, and just have that be our final post?
@Exit The issue with Gru is that he hasn't spoken or made himself conspicuous in any way yet. He just needs a "coming of age" moment, that solidifies him in the setting.
@Mokley@Exit I've noticed that tends to be the case with collabs. I figure what would be best is for everyone to vote someone in to rewrite the whole thing. A third-person limited point of view in a singular style would help everything flow.
THIS IS ONLY A TEST. DO NOT CONCERN YOURSELF WITH MY TEST.
AAAAY YO
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