After locking the cadi doors, Joan walked ahead of Chloe to the bathrooms. She looked back to see the doc tying something around Josef's arm and saw them walk toward the backside of the truck. She continued to walk in silent disbelief and she just kept her eyes down in guilt. Why didn't the thought of his arm coming off cross her mind before? It wasn't something that seemed real to her, but then she couldn't think of any other way that he could possibly survive without the surgery. Joan stopped at the entrance to the ladies restroom and looked to Chloe, [B][I]"I can't go with you inside."[/B][/I] She said to Chloe and then thought over how what she said sounded. [B][I]"It's not you. I can't go when I know others are around."[/B][/I] She meant other [I]girls[/I] more specifically. Joan turned to the men's restroom and looked back to her. [B][I]"I'm fine going in here."[/B][/I] She said and walked inside carefully. When she got inside she walked to the mirror and placed both hands on the sides of the sink. She only walked with Chloe to the bathrooms, so that she could get away from the source of her guilt. She looked up at herself in the mirror and her eyebrows furrowed. Joan balled her hand up and smashed her fist into the mirror with full force causing it to crack down the middle. The split mirror reflected back a disappointed, angry face and Joan then looked down at the damage done to her hand. The skin over her knuckles had been broken and there was a shard of glass that was stabbed deep between the joints of her middle and ring finger. Blood tricked down her hand, but not a single tear came to her. The throbbing pain in her hand felt like someone had run over it slowly with a dumpster truck. Her face began to show a painful expression and she used her other hand to grasp the glass that stuck out of her other hand with her fingers. She tensed her lips and accidentally bit her tongue hard from the pain as she proceeded to pull the bloody, broken shard from the top of her hand.

Joan ripped a piece of the bottom of her shirt underneath her army clothes and wrapped her knuckles. She kept her hand in her pocket when she walked out to find Chloe who was waiting for her outside. She dragged behind Chloe, and dreaded walking inside that truck. The problematic day had escaped them and it was already in the late evening with the sun going down. When they drew near the army truck, Joan saw Josef walking from the side of the truck from where he must've taken a leak. Their eyes didn't meet and Josef got inside before she and Chloe got there. When they did, Joan just listened to the doctor's instructions quietly. [B]" One is going to assist and other will watch over his respiration "[/B] She heard the doc say and she felt a little uneasy, but only because she was worried. Seeing blood and disgusting things was nothing to Joan and it didn't bother her in the least. It was the thought of Josef without an arm and herself feeling like she was the reason for it was what bothered her the most. Joan followed after Chloe to wash her hands, but was hesitant to pull her injured hand out to be seen. She used Chloe's question to her advantage to distract her with her own responses as she cautiously washed her hands while keeping both of her eyes on Chloe's. Her answers to Chloe, however, were genuine and painful. [B][I]"I think so."[/B][/I] She replied when Chloe asked if she was ok. [B][I]"It's not..."[/B][/I] She said referring to her "stupid question" and then continued, [B][I]"I'M fucking stupid."[/B][/I] She said and grimaced a little from the wound on her hand when it made contact with the soap.

When they returned, Joan chose to watch over the respiration apparently, because she didn't realize that she was focusing too hard on the wiggly lines before she realized that the surgery was soon to start. [B]" I want you to count to 100*, backward while I'm pushing this drug and relax ". [/B] She heard the doctor say to Josef. [B]"O-one hundred, ninety nine, ninety-eight,..."[/B] Josef began his counting and his face looked as if it had lost all it's color. When he got in the sixties he clearly started to feel the affects of the amnesia. [B]"Sixty-eight, Sixty six-"[/B] He shook his head a little with a tired expression and realized he made a mistake, [B]"S-sixty eight, Sixty-seven, Six...Sixty six."[/B] He attempted to keep going as hard as he could, but he couldn't and he looked over at Chloe with sleepy eyes. Her face looked like it was glowing like an angel and he tried to finish counting before he let his eyes slip closed. Joan put her hand up to the center of her eyebrows and tried to banish the thoughts of worry from her mind. She never looked away when the doctor started the cutting. It was a long tormenting surgery and her heart hammered several times from the scare of Josef dying and being brought back by the doc TWICE. When it was nearly over, she watched as the bone disconnected from Josef's body and the doc cut away the remaining flesh that was still in tact. She witnessed her brother's familiar forearm being pulled away from the rest of his upper arm and the doctor stored it away for disposal. When it was completely over with, she helped Chloe strap Josef down securely and then sat back down beside him with the back-up iv inside her own arm - just in case Josef needed blood. She didn't even remember agreeing to do this, but she must've agreed to do it whenever she was caught up in the intensity of the surgery and she didn't mind. While the others got prepared to sleep, she just kept her tired eyes opened. She had no intentions of going to sleep, because she was in protective mode times a hundred. Her brother nearly died on her account, and if he would've she could never live with herself. Joan looked to see if Chloe or the doc were watching and, when she decided they weren't, she looked at Josef who looked so vulnerable in his sleep. 

[B][I]"I can never lose you."[/B][/I] She said giving Josef's good hand a squeeze.