--ReaptheMusic

Sorry, will review it now. 

[hider=review]

1. Why does she have two surnames? If she is part of the Rynir, she doesn't have to have a surname like Orin. If she is a noble among the Rynirs, it would make more sense if she was a Rynir. Any other possibility is that she has been a member of the Lesser Houses and permitted to be raised in knighthood.

2. It still says she is the head of the Rynirs.

3. She would run out to him in the middle of the night when he was training soldiers
Middle of the night training soldiers isn't that... common.

4. . Shortly after, in her first true battle with her father against a warring nation

Which other nation? The intern wars between the provinces, that were once states themselves is long from over. That and the barbarians in the North are more or less tribes. Some bigger than the others, but they aren't considered a nation, simply hostile tribes/culture.

5 She had soldiers under her command aid her through vigorous training sessions that would bring her to the point of exhaustion, and asked them to intentionally hurt her in order to build up her pain tolerance. 

If she wasn't a centurion, then she was likely an optio. To command 250 soldiers to hurt you, in order to build up your pain tolerance isn't quite possible. In an anime, that would have been different. One doesn't raise their pain tolerance by just getting hurt and getting over it. It requires endurance training, like training your body with stamina, strength and such. That is a more logical manner to do than asking your soldiers, who should follow your orders in battle and know the difference (that you are above them, to be blunt). By letting them to hurt you intentionally, is a bit odd.

6 After a long, mental and physical battle, she was selected as the new Centurion for her unit.

A battle to become selected as a new centurion? People who show good enough leadership skill and such are likely to be selected to become such a ranked person. Not to mention experience. To select somebody who has not enough experience to become a centurion isn't that wise. Sure, people make mistakes by appointing the wrong people, but there are still standard requirements to become something like a centurion.

7. I am not sure about the armor in the pictures. Roran is the one that is better at reviewing that. 

In overall, I would recommend to maybe use less anime (as I still get that feeling, which isn't a bad one. I also like some anime aspects, but not in this setting) and try to go for more realisme. Hope my review was of help for you.[/hider]