Howards heart was pounding, he hadn't expected her to follow him out and the and was definitely not expecting a question like that. He closed the bible shakily and slipped it into his bag. Howard turned to look at her, and all the troubles slipped from mind, all there was, was her face, haloed by the white light of the north in the distance. "It's-" he stopped, not knowing whether to open himself up to the fire headed girl or to remain shut, he'd been closed for a long time, not wanting to burden anyone with his problems, even the extent of Stan's beatings were unknown to them, "it's hard. I love them to bits bit I can't let them see I do, so I keep myself away but not really away, if you know what I mean..." he was fumbling with his fingers as he spoke, nervous about being so close to Riley, the smell of soap and an odd coppery smell wafting towards him, captivating him more then any book could, but he knew what that coppery smell was, it was not foreign to him, blood. His eyes wandered her face for a moment before sliding down her arm to rest on her wrist, a black cloth of sorts tied around it, his heart ached. He knew what was under it -most of the group knew- but it still hurt him, more then Stan could, more then loneliness could. "are you ok?" he asked softly, reaching forward but then pulling back sharply, 'you can't have her' he told himself in his head 'she's not yours to care for.'. "I noticed the bandana." he reached out this time and held her left hand in both of his, gently and carefully, like holding a small animal, he could not have her, he knew this but he could help her, "I understand and I don't think any less of you but that bandana won't do, I've got some stuff in my bag if you need help with it.", he was screaming internally, 'just talk to her! Be thoughtful and considerate, not a bloody doctor!' but what was done was done and let go of her hand and let it glide quickly back to her side, like she was snatching it back. 'Why do you taunt me so?'