He hadn't heard her calling, he'd been too wrapped up in finding somewhere to be alone so he could-

She caught his arm and pulled him to a stop, he turned to her... His grey green eyes dull and empty looking almost. He was hiding behind his walls again, a mask of carelessness in place, but for someone that knew him it would be easy to see how tired he looked and the emptiness in his eyes... like he was lost somewhere in his own mind. His hand stung, the deep cut reminding him he was still there underneath the feeling of drowning in his own hopelessness. He deserved it, he knew what using Spirit in a dark way could do... especially when he so rarely used it at all. He realized, belatedly, that when she'd pulled on his arm it had pulled his still bleeding hand from his pocket... along with the razor blade which had fallen to the ground. The crimson liquid dripping thickly from his palm made tracks down his fingers in a way that held his attention for a moment... the insanity gnawing at him before he looked back at Anya.

"Where am I?" He really wasn't sure, he'd been walking on auto-pilot but seeing her face broke through the haze a little bit. He blinked, seemingly coming out of whatever dark place he'd been sinking into... but it was only momentary. He knew he'd sink again the moment he was left alone. "Shit... you shouldn't have followed me. I don't know what I'll do when I'm like this... Hell, I barely know who I am..."

His hands were shaking, the blood still dripping from his fingertips on his left hand. At least it was the left... he wrote with his right. He wouldn't get behind on his school work... with that oddly illogical thought he felt slightly dizzy and sick. "I need to..." He leaned against the tree next to him and broke out into a cold sweat. Maybe he would come out of this more quickly than usual, the storm clouds were already parting which was leaving him with the after affect of channeling so much darkness. "I'm sorry," he said grimly. "I heard her picking on you and I remembered the bruise and I don't even remember most of what I said... Sometimes, when I get really angry, I lose it. I've only done it once before but I almost made a kid claw his own face off for putting his hands on Anna. Gunner had to knock me out to make me stop, sometimes I can't stop..."

He looked tortured, he hated the things he did... hated what using the magic did to him... but he was too selfish to take the pills to cut him off from it. Why couldn't he have wielded a normal magic? "I never wanted you to see me like that..."

~*~

Anna sighed, "The way I feel... you already did." She stretched and straightened up before laughing at him and joking, "You have a ways to go before you catch up with my lightning quick skills."

Still, he was right. She needed to train hard so she could keep up with him, and her speed really was the one thing she had up on him. He was bigger, stronger, and had a longer reach... if he outmatched her in speed she'd be in big trouble... not that she wasn't already.

She frowned, "Huh... I'm sure they'll meet us when they're ready. Right now, I'm starved. Let's hit breakfast."