Terra felt comfortable up close with Silas. Kissing like this, in the quiet of night. Under the starry, dark sky. Not a single cloud. It was as though they were in their own world. The swingset and the playground. A bubble of childhood memories and innocence wrapped around them. She smiled at Silas when he looked at her, breaking off the kiss. She nodded her head.

“I wouldn’t kiss you if I didn’t like you, now shush.” Terra pulled him back in to continue the kiss.

Silas kissed her back, enjoying every sensation that rush through his body. After a few more seconds, he pulled away again, looking down slightly.

“Don’t you think… We’re a little too different?”

She sighed and looked into his eyes. “We don’t have to be like twins to like kissing each other, Silas. Besides, do you think this is a relationship? I’ll be on the monkey bars when you decide you’re done over thinking things.”

Terra got up from the swing and trotted off to the monkey bars. She got up on the steps, but didn’t hang on the bars like any other person. She instead slipped her foot into a side hole and pushed herself up on top of the structure so she could sit on top of the bars pretty high off of the ground. Enjoying seeing everything around her.

Silas bit his lip and remained on his swing. He thought about what she had said. Sure, maybe he was overthinking it a little, but that’s what he did best. He was analytical. He couldn’t help it. It’s not that he thought they were in a relationship, but he didn’t want to keep ‘having a thing’ with her in the future if they didn’t even get along very well. He hardly even knew her.

“Don’t you ever feel something for someone else?” he called up to her from his seat. “Like with actual feelings?”

“I felt feelings for my mom. But she’s dead.” Terra stated bluntly, staring out into the blackness before turning her eyes down to him. Looking angered, but a deep reservoir of fragmented emotion bottled up inside leaking out slightly through cracked but shoddily patched up seams. 

“I’m not some fucking heartless bitch.”

Further up the road, Katrina was walking on the sidewalk alone. She and Landon had decided to split up and search for the two teens in case they didn’t have any intentions of coming back to the house. Unfortunately, neither of them had made any progress. The neighborhood wasn’t sprawling, but it would be easy to avoid someone by cutting through yards or hiding in the trees if you had to. Katrina rubbed her arm nervously, wondering if she’d have any luck.

As if on cue, she heard the sound of voices further ahead. Across the way from a baseball field, there was a small playground. Sitting atop the monkey bars was one figure, which Katrina made out to be Terra. Another less visible figure sat on one of the swings. She assumed that must’ve been Silas.

Quietly, she approached the park just as Silas was saying something to Terra.

“You sometimes seem like one,” he was saying.

“Seem like what?” Katrina cut in, loud enough for both of the teens to hear.

Silas turned his head quickly in surprise and stood up from the swing.

Terra almost leaped off the bars to smack Silas in the face, but she sharply turned her head at the familiar voice of her school counselor, Katrina. She shrugged and just swung her legs idly against the cool breeze of the night. It didn’t really matter. “Like a heartless bitch.” The words rolled coldly off of Terra’s tongue as she stared at Katrina. 

“I guess that makes sense for the girl who didn’t even go to her mom’s funeral.” She rambled to herself, but audible enough for them to hear. “Were you two busy banging before you found us? Took a long enough time.”

Katrina shook her head, not bothering to actually answer her sarcastic but somewhat hurtful question.

“We split up to look for you two,” Katrina said.

“We’re sorry,” Silas blurted out. He didn’t want to get in any more trouble than he was.

“I’m not.” Terra put in quick. 

Katrina crossed her arms and looked at the two of them, first at Silas, then up to Terra, who looked rather angry. They were certainly an odd couple, not to say that they [i]were[/i] a couple. She was just surprised that they hung out and, well, were hooking up. She had talked to both of them before and she knew they were very different.

“Be that as it may…” Katrina continued. “We should probably head back now.”

She pulled out her phone and typed a quick text to Landon informing him that she had found them.

Silas stood where he was and glanced nervously toward Terra, wondering what her next move would be.

Terra hopped off of the bars and looked over to Silas. “You can get him back home, or whatever. I’m just going to keep walking.” She shot over at Katrina, and then turned her back to walk off toward the woods. Knowing a path somewhere there near the railroad tracks. She didn’t have anything else to say at the moment. Her hands curling up into fists, squeezing tightly. Containing her anger as she moved away from them. Wanting to get as far as possible. Otherwise, she would burst on Katrina and say a whole bunch of nasty things she didn’t mean.

Silas wanted to stop Terra once she started to leave, but he didn’t dare touch her, not after what he had just said to her. She would’ve given him the same treatment she gave Eric. He turned to Katrina and gave her an expression of helplessness.

“Mr. Slater.” Silas shuddered when she called him that. It made her seem more like a teacher. “Do you remember the way back to Landon’s house?”

He nodded without saying anything.

“Why don’t you head back on your own and get to bed. I’m sure it’s been a… long night for you.”

“Are you going after Terra?” he asked.

Katrina nodded. “I can’t just let her go. Tell Landon I’ll be back soon.”

Silas shook his head and walked past her in the direction of Landon’s house.

“Good luck,” he told her as he left.

Katrina smirked. She’d certainly need it. She gave one last glance in Silas’s direction to make sure he was heading the right way, and then she turned and jogged off to where Terra had gone. The light forest was navigable for her, but she began to worry about getting lost. However, the trees became less thick and a clear appeared in the distance. Curious, Katrina stepped out onto a railroad track that cut through the small forest.

“That’s weird…” she muttered to herself. “Is this track still in use?”

Knowing she wouldn’t get the answer to her question, she looked both left and right and saw Terra’s figure in the distance to her right.

“Terra!” she called out, jogging up to her. “Wait!”

Terra had been walking for a few minutes before anyone caught up to her. She easily cut through the forest. She knew it as if this place had been her hometown, having explored much of it during her free-time over the summer. The dark haired girl sighed and stopped walking, finally looking over at Katrina. She crossed her arms and just stared at her. “Well, you found me Ms. Fierro.” 

She kicked at some pebbles by her feet. “So what are you going to say. Some informative lecture on your past experiences. Wisdom or experience that only older people would know. Come on, let me in on your big adult secrets that make you so much wiser. I’m stubborn like my mother or something Landon would say. Do you have something original to say?”

Katrina sighed at her and smiled softly.

“Did you know I played on the same soccer team as your mom?” she asked.

Terra knew very little about Katrina other than she was a friend of Landon’s in the past. Her eyes sparked with curiosity at her words. “Really?.. I mean. No… I didn’t know that.”

Katrina nodded. Her eyes seemed distance as she remembered all the memories she shared with Kaelyn not just on the field but off it too, at the parties.

“She was probably my closest friend in college,” she explained. “But anyway, that’s not the point… I’m going to tell you something that Landon has probably never told you before…”

Katrina’s mind went back in time to the rainy, fateful day.

“Your mother and Landon…” she began. “Well, they had a complicated relationship, to say the least. They had been sweethearts over the summer, but it’s my understanding that she was too afraid to let people in to actually start dating your father exclusively. After the summer, they might never have met again, but by fate’s hand they both ended up attending the same college in Florida, which I attended as well. Even after they found out that they attended the same college, their relationship remained complicated. I think Landon was fed up with your mother’s instability, so he blocked her out of his life…”

She took a shaky breath.

“Or so he tried. That’s when we met. We really hit it off. We cared about each other, we really did. So we dated. But your mother wouldn’t be stopped. I still don’t know exactly what happened, but the two of them ended up having sex while we were dating.”

Her tone revealed the deep pain that this had caused her.

“Landon had every intention of keeping this secret. Cheating was one thing he did not want to ever do. It tore him up. However, Kaelyn… She…” Katrina’s voice trailed off as she searched for the right words.

“She was really confused and sad and angry. That day she started taking these… pills. They were apparently antidepressants, but they were way more powerful than that. They turned her into an emotionless machine. She was completely brutal at practice that day, and I noticed that she was acting particularly aggressive toward me. When I asked her what her problem was, she told me what she did with Landon.”

Katrina paused at this part, but then slowly continued.

“We faught. It was a pretty brutal cat fight, and it ended with her shouting some bad words. She went back to her dorm, and as far as I was concerned, she was dead to me. I went to see Landon and I pretty much told him that we couldn’t date anymore until he figured himself out. After that, I went back to my dorm and tried to quell my sadness by watching movies and eating ice cream and crying by myself…”

“That’s when I got the call,” she said finally. “Your mother had gone back to her dorm and overdosed on those antidepressants. She almost died… and she would have if it wasn’t for your father. He came and found her and called an ambulance at the right time. He saved her.”

Katrina let that sink in for a second, and she wiped her eyes.

“Anyway, what I’m trying to say is: your father cares about you. Even if it doesn’t seem like he does. He has… a strange way of showing love.”

Terra had a hard time following everything Katrina said. Wide eyed with shock. Stunned by how deep her relationship was with her mother and her father. She had no idea that Katrina knew them so well, and potentially could have even been Landon’s sweetheart. It was so much to take in, and in such a short time. Terra didn’t know what to say, so she simply looked into Katrina’s eyes. Feeling every bit of emotion that seeped through from her looks and the dramatic pauses and breaks in her speech. Her eyes began to feel watery, hearing it all. Tears just about forming, ready to drip and trace down her cheeks. Terra quickly rubbed her hand against her face as if getting rid of an itch. No longer looking at Katrina. Instead, staring off to the side, listening but not letting out any perceived weakness.

She nodded at last when Katrina finished. “I’m sorry.” Terra stated at first. “I’m sorry that I was mean to you. I guess it’s not much of an excuse to say that I didn’t know how close you were to my mother or f- Landon. I don’t know what I’m saying, I just didn’t really like you being anywhere close to my own business, because it’s mine. And my father’s?” Terra said, questioning it, not knowing if that made any sense. “I still don’t know you though… or like you… I’m still a little high.” She commented, quickly smiling it off with a light laugh. 

“Do you love my dad? I don’t mean like the ‘of course’ bullshit. I mean the do you want to, yeah…” Terra’s gaze studied her carefully.

Katrina blushed at her sudden question. She saw her sharp eyes and knew she couldn’t lie her way out of this. Still, she smiled at the young girl.

“There’s more ways to loving someone than just sex,’ she said with a smile. “Does that answer your question?”

“Sure. But, I know Landon couldn’t keep his hands off of my mom. Nearing 40 and they both didn’t seem to… ya know. Cool down? Let’s say Landon doesn’t need viagra or any of that stuff.” Terra rambled on, clearly still high. ”Oh wow I just said that out loud, didn’t I? Hmm… So you still love my dad. Yeah. I don’t know if I want to see you hanging out with him anymore.”

Katrina sighed.

“We’ll see about that. But let’s head back, I’m exhausted and I know your being high isn’t the only reason you’re rambling like you are.”

She wiped her eyes again and took a step back, signalling toward the woods which they had come from.

“Landon and… Silas are waiting for you.”

“You’re right. You turned out to be a bit cooler than I thought you were when I met you in your office.” Terra commented. “And I guess I’m feeling off my game of being a heartless bitch tonight. Oh well.” She shrugged and stepped toward the tracks and looked at her.

“Come on, follow me. I know my way around here.” And so, Terra went on with Katrina next to her.
-------
Silas was sitting on the couch, completely alone in Landon’s house. He took advantage of this time alone to replay tonight’s events in his head. That was probably the most action he had ever had in one night than his whole life. He felt somewhat relieved now, finally alone, and having resolved some confusion with Eric about where he was via text. Silas then realized how sleepy he was, and he found his eyes were beginning to shut on their own.

He was about to lay down to sleep when the front door opened. He immediately sat bolt upright at the sound, and Landon appeared in the hallway, looking at him.

“Where’s Terra?” he asked.

“Ms. Fierro went after her,” he explained.

Landon furrowed his brow at him.

“You mean she ran away again?”

Silas shook his head. “Not exactly. She just sorta refused to come back and walked off… I’m sure Ms. Fierro will figure it out though.”

Landon released a loud sigh and sat down on an armchair next to the couch.

“I sure hope so…” he muttered.

Silas looked at Terra’s father uncomfortably, not knowing what to say.

“So, um…” he began. “How exactly do you know Ms. Fierro?”

Landon looked up from rubbing his face to get a better look at Silas.

“We dated in college,” he explained.

“Oh,” said Silas to acknowledge his response. He looked down at his feet, not knowing what to say.

Landon continued to observe Silas, until he noticed something. On the left leg of his shorts, two lacrosse sticks crossed each other to form an X shape. His eyes widened with interest.

“You play lacrosse?”

“Huh?” Silas said looking up. He followed his gaze and saw he was looking at his shorts. He looked at his shorts too and saw what he had seen.

“Oh, yeah, I play lacrosse for school,” Silas said. “I’m an attacker.”

“I played goalie back in the day,” Landon said. “How long have you been playing for?”

Silas noticed Landon’s interest in lacrosse. Maybe this was what Terra was talking about earlier.

“I just started playing this year,” he replied. “I like it. I’m having a good time.”

“I betcha being on the team gets you a lot of girls,” Landon said with a laugh. “I know it did for me… That must be why Terra was all over you.”

Silas’s face turned red when he reminded him of that. He didn’t know why she had kissed him and done all that, but he was more than sure that it wasn’t solely because he played lacrosse. He wouldn’t think.

“Uh, yeah, I guess,” Silas said with a nervous laugh.

“Are you guys dating?”

Landon stood up from his chair and walked into the kitchen. Silas heard the fridge being opened and a few glass bottles being clunked together. Landon came back into the room with two beer bottles in hand.

“Want one?” he said, offering a bottle to Silas.

“Uh, no thanks?” 

Landon merely shrugged and sat back down, taking a sip from the bottle he had already opened. He looked intently at Silas as he awaited an answer.

“And we’re not dating,” Silas said. “I’m sorry, but your daughter is some kind of crazy. I don’t think she has feelings.”

With this, Landon burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. Silas looked at him, confused about what was so funny. Once Landon was able to breathe normally again, he took a shaky sip from his bottle.

“You remind me of me,” he explained. “When I was having a thing with Terra’s mother.”

Silas frowned. Was he implying that they’d end up getting married or something? He knew Terra was a lot like her mother, but he himself was nothing like Landon.

“I guess you’re pretty tired,” Landon said. “I can see it on your face. I’ll leave you be then.” He chuckled and stood up from his chair and walked into the kitchen where he sat and waited. Meanwhile, Silas exhaled shakily and laid his head down to sleep.

The walk back was quiet. Terra felt like there was nothing much more to say to Katrina at the moment. And she was sure Katrina was probably tired out from telling such an emotional story. Truth was, Terra’s high was wearing off and the night had left her exhausted. From fighting with Silas, to kissing Silas. To being mad with her dad, and then talking with Katrina. It was all a bit much.

Once she walked inside, Terra saw Silas passed out on the couch and smiled lightly. She went into the kitchen, and grabbed a bag of Lays chips because she may or may not have been having a slight case of munchies. Only looking at Landon, not in the mood for any sharp or witty remarks.

Katrina walked in with Terra and followed her into the kitchen, also smiling at Silas’s sleeping form. She stood behind Terra as she grabbed her bag of chips and there was an awkwardness that hung in the air like smoke.

“I’m gonna head home, Landon,” she said at last. “Thanks for a fun night.”

Landon looked up at her and smiled. He set down his beer bottle and approached her to hug her.

Katrina caught sight of his beer bottles and her heart sank. That would be a problem they would confront later. She hugged him back, and when she let go of the embrace, she turned to look at Terra.

“See you at school on Monday,” she said quietly before turning to leave.

Landon watched Katrina leave the house and sat back down in his chair with a sigh.

“You didn’t tell me your boyfriend played lacrosse,” he offered with a small smile.

Terra gave Katrina a small wave as she said goodbye. She looked over at Landon, and simply hopped up to sit on the counter and eat her chips. Nodding in response as she crunched away at her food.

“Oh. Yeah. He also reads a lot.” She commented off hand. “And he’s not my boyfriend. What you saw earlier was just… spur of the moment. I don’t know. Party mistake?... And you didn’t tell me Katrina knew mom so well. Some other interesting things too.” Terra gave him a knowing look.

Landon glanced up at her in stunned surprise.

“What do you mean?” he breathed.

“I know about you and Katrina’s “thing”. How you almost didn’t end up with mom. And pills…” Terra’s words were a bit over the place, and she couldn’t find the right ones to say. She sighed, frustrated. Trying not to get emotional.

Landon shivered when she mentioned the pills. Kaelyn and he had discarded those damned things as soon as they started dating again.

“I can’t believe Katrina told you all that,” Landon said, shaking his head. “You didn’t need to know that. Some things are better left unsaid.”

“I like to know things about my mother… Good. Bad. She came out of it all. Tells me she was tough and found a way… I don’t know. It’s just nice to hear about her from someone other than you. I’d say Katrina is hurting just as bad.”

“I know…” Landon said quietly. “I know she is… I don’t know if she still has feelings for me or not. I’m just… so thankful that she accepted our relationship once we worked things out. She even let me dance with your mother when Katrina was my date for the winter formal. She’s a good sport.”

“Yeah… Well. I don’t know how I feel about you dating her. If that’s what you’re thinking about.” Terra turned her head away and bit down on a chip particularly hard.

“Not to say that I am,” Landon said carefully, “but why would you be opposed to that, young lady?”

“I just am.” Terra said. “It hasn’t even been a year.” She hopped off the counter and tried to leave the room.

“People need to move on, Terra!” Landon shouted after her. “You should too.”

She came back and appeared in the doorway. Terra shot her eyes at his beer bottles and made sure he knew she was looking at them. “I’m tired, dad. Maybe you should take your own advice, and not drink so much.”

Landon opened his mouth to speak, but he couldn’t find the words. That was the first time she had called him ‘dad’ since she Kaelyn had died. It tugged on his heartstrings.

“We’ve gone over this before,” Landon said calmly. “I know how to cope. You, on the other hand, choose to hide your emotions and you pray that maybe they’ll just go away if you ignore them long enough. Well here’s the truth. They won’t go away. You need to face them head on, and you can’t let them turn you into a rebellious delinquent. I’m [i]tired[/i] of all this, Terra. I can only handle so much on my own.”

“Over the summer. I needed help on my AP work for my psychology class. And, you majored in it in college,” Terra started, seemingly unrelated. “All I wanted was some help. Multiple times actually. I could’ve used some advice and help from someone on that. Just like, maybe I could’ve used some advice about a failed two month relationship I had with a guy that ended horribly. The night we broke up I came back here and I had to wake you up from a drunken stupor. I was ready to just, I don’t know. Cry? Scream? I brought you back up to your room and tucked you in. You know what you said to me? ‘Can you grab me a beer?’ That’s what you said to me. That’s what you’ve been saying. Other than ‘I don’t have time’ or this and that. I can only handle so much on my own too! Mom’s not here to help me with these things, and you’re too swallowed up in alcohol to give a shit. Did you forget you had a daughter? Maybe I try to forget about them and make my emotions go away because…” Her eyes very visibly travel up and down Landon. “I don’t want to turn out like you.” She sighed and pressed her head up against the doorframe, closing her eyes tight to hold tears back.

Landon stared at her. Her words stung at him like a swarm of angry bees. Their venom seeped into his veins. He could feel all the frustration, the pain, the anger that Terra had to experience over the last year in that moment.

“This… is the only way I know how to deal with the pain, Terra,” he said, standing up. “If you can think of any better way, please, I’d love to hear it.”

“I know what it’s like to lose a mother…” he breathed, gripping the neck of his alcohol bottle. “And now, I know what it’s like to lose the love of my life. Forever. Do you have any idea what that feels like Terra? Can you even imagine?”

Terra lifted her head off the frame. Her eyes clenched tight as she kept her head turned away from him. She clenched her fist. Eyes holding back floods of tears. “My 17th birthday. My mom is getting me some surprise gift… And she gets killed by some drunk driver, and now every birthday for the rest of my life I’m going to be thinking about it… Yeah… I think I know how it feels.” She choked up on her last words. 

Landon shook his head. He just didn’t understand why they had such a hard time understanding each other. It was extremely frustrating and contributed to part of his emotion in that moment.

“You sometimes act like it was my fault,” Landon said.

“... If she wasn’t getting me a gift she’d be alive. It’s my fault… isn’t it?” Terra looked up at him, water building within her eyes. And… the first tear Landon had seen in a year fell down her cheek.

Landon watched the tear roll down her cheek and eventually drip off the side of her chin onto the floor.

“It’s not your fault,” Landon assured her, feeling empathy. He took a step toward her slowly.

“It’s nobody’s fault. Not even that driver… You know I’m not very close to God, but I still think everything happens for a reason. If there is a heaven, I think Kaelyn’s heart breaks every time she sees us argue like this. She wouldn’t want either of us to feel guilty about something that was an accident.”

When Landon got closer, she stuck her arms out towards him and shaked her head. The tears began streaming down her face more as she struggled to hold them back. Sniffling. Hands shaking. Lips quivering. “Don’t touch me… I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

“Terra… please,” Landon whispered, barely audible. “Don’t do this to yourself...”

He took another step closer, holding his arms to her desperately.

“We can get through this together…”

“... I. I…” Terra’s words were broken with sorrow. Hardly able to talk. “I’m sorry I didn’t go to the funeral… Dad. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.” Her tears were pouring out more. Harder to restrain.

“I just miss mom…” She sobbed out, now crying too hard to speak. Terra fell to Landon and buried her head into his shoulder, shaking with sadness.

Landon pulled her in close to him, trying to make her feel safe and protected. He was her father and this was his job. It had always been his job.

“I miss her too, Terra,” he said. His voice was shaky and tears silently rolled down his cheeks as he held her close to him. “I miss her too…”