[quote=Mizuho] I submitted my character brah [/quote] Thanks dog, looks alright to me broseph. Alright silliness aside I believe it's a very clean and well organized character sheet. You have a tendency to be a little repetitive with your explanation of her character, but I see nothing wrong with it. I enjoy the small bits of lore you added, and how noble families aren't above being removed. It still leaves the question of how a new noble family would be added, however I love the bitterness it adds in many of those displaced nobles from the old family. I also enjoyed your magic, nothing seems overpowered without being weak. You are accepted. [quote=The book of bad juju] Name: Dale Haight Gender: Male Age: 32 Appearance: Magic: Dale's brand of magic is a tricky beast to tame. He draws a little rune, sygil, diagram, or drawing onto a surface, which can then be turned on by impact, vocal command, or other stimuli. The level of control and fine-tuning is dependent on the tier they occupy. Higher-tier spells take longer to draw, where tier 1 can be drawn with a finger in the dirt, tier 5 needs a chalk and tier ten, penmanship. Personality: Dale is a good-hearted soul. Some would call him a rough diamond, but he's much more like a carbuncle in that he's synonymous with a skin disease. Jeremy looks out for himself first, his friends second, and his enemies last. He considers himself learned and knowledgeable in most practical respects, although very rusty on the theoretical aspects of most fields. Dale has a stubborn streak, and to this day, calls AMA "Matteran' ". Dale acts very territorial, and will defend his hearth to the last scrap of flesh in his body. Dale has a tendency not to see social lines or barriers, such as how flipping of a Sky Brigadier could net him a severe beating. Dale looks down on scholars, members of Heaven's Hand, yet feels at ease around Marked Ones. While he respects the ideals of the Sky brigade, he prefers that they wouldn't infringe on his personal freedoms. Background: (Unfinished and VEY Sketchy.) Dale was born to small, not-well off family in a small tribal community called Teeterlands, so named because of being almost outside of Atlas Sky brigade protection, and halfway encroached on Outlands territory. Dale grew up making law with his own fists, fighting other street kinds for fun.As hew grew older, he took up odd-jobs down the pits to earn a livable wage, like most kids in Teetertown do. Theme: [/quote] The book of- you know juju. Can I call you juju? I can't accept an incomplete character sheet, but I like what you're going with it so far. I actually love the theme you added for him, seeing his picture and character I think it fits so well! Another thing I liked was actually something I had a problem with. Teetertown seemed like an impossibility because of Atlas's paranoia with the outside world, but thinking about it I actually think it's kind of cool that there's a town separating the wilds from the city itself. It would make the city feel less isolated, and include more room to include elements of the outside world. I would say it would probably sort of be a buffer between a section of walling. The walls to Atlas's valley are strict with the walls to the outlands being a bit more lax. It actually could serve as a hub for Outland Surveyors, I like it. One final problem I have though is your magic, while I get what your going for I saw the tier system as a sort of leveling system. Certain powers are unlocked overtime, rather than a rating to give certain magical abilities. However I don't see why you couldn't keep the type of power you have...if you could elaborate a bit more on what it is. I have no idea what you use to for, controlling inanimate objects, creatures? I would like your character to be REALY fleshed out before I can accept him. Overall though I like his atmosphere, I just need a much more specific character sheet with a greater emphasis at explaining your magic. Let me know if you have any questions! [quote=Master Jaster] I've got an idea for a character, we'll call him Jack for now, but you're gonna need to OK his backstory and ability as they are both potentially issues.For backstory, I wanted Jack to be someone who was recruited into those scientific fields you mention as a child. When the story starts, he would be at an age range that would be this universes equivalent of one's early twenties. I would like for him to be working as a researcher apart of a team that is trying to learn the secrets of AMA (one of many research groups headed by various Noble leaders). His team in particular would work out of the AMA storage facility that is destroyed. The team would be a group of six people around the same age as Jack, and one supervisor. I would like for one of the team members to make a small discovery that would allow the research team to get a glimpse of how AMA works. The entire group is told about this discovery, but the physical information is destroyed in the explosion, and most of the team members are killed. Now, depending on how getting magical powers works and whether or not you'll let Jack's ability fly, I would like for four or five members of the team to survive the explosion, but for most of them to be assassinated (if this doesn't fly, then just two survivors other than Jack) by the people who destroyed the facility. Jack will be killed during the actual explosion, but the ability that Jack gains is for his consciousness to flee to another host after the body it resides in dies. Tier 1 would make it so this process is completely random, allowing his consciousness to take over animals and people at random and anywhere within a multi-mile radius. I would have him be trapped inside a nobleman at first, who ends up being assassinated along with the other surviving team members (Jack attempts to find the team members and learn what's going on, which gives him away), then a rat (which is crushed in some machinery soon after Jack enter its body), and then a citizen, which is where we will start with him. The way this ability would work is that he can only enter the body of an animal or person whose mental defenses are completely lowered. A mind with a lot of stress on it would reject Jack's consciousness, as would one that is aware of Jack's presence. As it is right now, Jack would not be able to enter the mind of someone who has magical abilities like his own. I came up with all of this minutes ago, so I'll leave you with this to OK or pan before I go too crazy. I plan on expanding on the rules of this ability and Jack's backstory more as I continue working with this character, but right now I think you have enough to get a general idea. The issues I mentioned earlier are that you would need to give me a little bit of information to make Jack's knowledge worth killing over, as well as the fact that currently Jack's ability makes his conscious mind immortal (at least early on in the story). Sorry for inconsistencies or grammatical errors in this post. I haven't done much in the way of creative writing for a couple years now.Also, Jack is just a placeholder name. [/quote] Man that's a messy quote system... Anyway yes and no on a lot of things. I like the idea that he's a scientist for AMA, and considering that AMA has plenty of secrets of its own I will happily accept this part. The assassination thing seems a little far fetched, and unless you can sell it to me a bit more I'm going to have to say nay on that. More likely than not most of your team will die in the blast radius, though I am a bit intrigued on perhaps including a group of assassins in this new world. At the moment though no. As for your powers it seems really cool...and really OP. I get he's limited to what his consciousness can go into, however for a character than cannot die there is no weight to his actions. Even in a game like Dark Souls, despite being difficult the fact that you had unlimited resets had everyone complete the game through trial and error. I just think there needs to be something to keep this power in check, because it sounds awesome for an upper tier unlock. How about this... I like the idea of sending you consciousness out, sort of like a 'Mind Jack' scenario. Perhaps upper levels of this power can link to brief control of weak willed individuals for short durations (But not permanently). You could work it up from there, perhaps even adding some abilities like hearing the thoughts of others around you. There needs to be weight to this power however, you cannot be invincible and simply have a reset button every time you die. I'm trying to think how you could still somewhat keep your idea without just jumping to person to person every time you die. Perhaps if you're occupying another person and your body dies a whole slew of problems happens, either you have to share consciousness (That'd be kind of cool) or your mind sort of deteriorates from that experience. If you die with your consciousness however that's game over. Man...don't get me wrong it sounds cool, I'm just trying to make this work. I'm not sure what lower level tier systems would be, as temporarily controlling an enemy before you die seems a bit OP. Perhaps at lower tiers the user can strongly fight back your control, and as well there remains some type of 'Cool Down' on this type of power. Man I'm really trying to work this through...I encourage any type of magic to be made and I think it'd be cool to have this power as well. Jut REALLY try to limit it down for now. As for the who AMA thing though, I'm cool with it. If you want to add more details on the who assassin thing, I'd be ready to be sold on it. Just work on watering down that magic. [quote=Reialgo] Eyo, I hope you wont mind when I say that I wont be able to post a CS until monday, maybe late sunday depending on how I'm feeling since I'll be away for the weekend.I do have a question though, regarding "Outland Surveyors", I had planned on making a homeless character who had been kicked to the streets out of fear of her magic so this seems to fit this general idea, but I digress, I'm wondering if these guys are monitored and/or how do they go about surveying? Do they have to make routine reports through snazzy techno communication gadgets? Or am I reading too into this and is this just a fancy term for exile?Oh, and of course, I don't plan on having her stay in the outlands ;) (unless sneaking aint possible yo) [/quote] Nah, that'll actually be a role people have. Atlas can't be COMPLETLY cut off from the outside world, and sometimes individuals are chosen for the job. I'll probably edit things a bit to where an Atlas exile and a surveyor will be on completely different terms. An exile can no longer return, and a surveyor has limited rights in the city perhaps. Juju's idea for an outer settlement actually peeked my interest, as that way players can have a closer aspect on what Outland life is like without just hearing about it. One thing I have to step in on for a lot of people is Atlas residents didn't have this magic in the past. It only JUST now resurfaced, so getting kicked out of Atlas because of magic would only work if it takes place within recent events. Also because of Atlas's strong fear of magic you wouldn't be kicked out, but still working out the kinks and details. Might turn the scientists of Atlas into major immoral D-bags, might turn The Sky Brigade into kill on sight kind of people. Still deciding how I would like tings to turn out. As for Outland Surveyor's they are responsible for not only noting any changes around Atlas but as well mapping the surrounding wildlife. They note monster movements and keep major herds from getting too close to the city, even serving as a heads up if they can only just warn that danger is approaching. They are the eyes and ears of Atlas outside of the walls, amassing heavy duty equipment to go after creatures in the wild. How they communicate will be directly at the walled checkpoints, speaking face to face to Atlas officials on their reports or threats of any danger. So they not only need to be well armed, but quick too. A sort of best of the best kind of job that no one really wants, despite the curiosity some may have about the Outlands. It's not a place that you can comfortably live in, and if you're not careful can easily die in too. Should a surveyor go AWOL either through joining a Marked One camp, dying, or simply just running off into the woods, they are replaced and treated as nothing more than an exiled Atlas resident. Anyway I probably should post most of this stuff in the intro post, however I do enjoy all of these questions that are coming in. It allows me to think of ideas that I may not have thought of that in-depth when I first made this idea. Also once again you guys are free to contribute any sort of lore you wish to this world!