[quote=Master Jaster] Ok, I've gotta go to sleep for work tomorrow, so I'll just post my unedited responses to the first three paragraphs you wrote. I am willing to make drastic changes to the character if I need to, but for now I'll just try and get you as much information about the one I have as possible. The reasoning behind the assassination thing was that there would be people looking for those who gained these abilities (I figured at least one group in the world would be trying to prevent the spread of knowledge about AMA/would be trying to stop the resurgence of magic), specifically Heaven’s Hand or some other underground organization. I figured it would be an OP skill to have, but I also figured the ability could be as much a curse as it is a blessing. I planned on the eventuality of his character dying relatively frequently, allowing for infinite possibilities on who he takes over as well as what situation whatever he takes over is in. For example: he could take control of someone in jail, or a pet bird trapped in a cage. Or he could take control of a morbidly obese person, a cripple, or an elderly person.Perma-death was also something I thought over quite a bit. I’ll be honest; I figured that since his character was more of a specialist than an actual fighter, it wouldn’t matter as much if he died. Ways of him dying forever would involve his conscious mind not being able to swap to another body, someone attacking his consciousness through other forms of telepathy, and eventually a steady decline in his ability to find another host. I also thought of the potential of a mind “snapping out” of its dormant state and fighting back against Jack’s presence, occasionally ejecting Jack’s mind. Lastly, the process of taking over someone’s mind and then having them die on him leaves a permanent impression of the thing’s consciousness on Jack. (none of Jack's higher level tiers have been thought about in detail yet, so if this stuff that I'm writing seems OP its because I didn't take the time to think about it too much. I planned on the higher tiers actually decreasing the OP nature of Jack's initial ability)I planned on having the higher tier unlocks mainly be based around him breaking his consciousness into pieces, allowing him to briefly influence someone’s actions, feel someone’s emotions, or make them feel something he creates. The only way he could actually fully take over someone else’s mind (until very late game where one possibility I thought up involved him creating two functioning conscious minds that could act independently) is if he were to fully remove himself from his current host (whether or not the host regains conscious control of his or her mind is based on how low of a tier Jack is) and place himself in a weak willed mind. This would be around tier 4 or 5. Actual mind reading was not something I saw as being possible for this character, as his mind never straight up melds with someone else’s. I wanted the person or animal’s mind to temporarily be suppressed (kind of like when you’re blackout drunk) while Jack is in control.I'll check back tomorrow, as well as do some more specific work on this character, but I am willing to make a new character if this is too much of a headache for you. [/quote] UGH I had an entire detailed explanation on this response, and of course my page refreshes for no reason what so ever. I won't get in a post if I try to recopy your response so... Sparknotes time! Assassins: No, it still seems a little farfetched that a group targets SPECIFIC people on AMA research. They might as well just destroy Atlas as a whole: An entire mining and research community based around AMA. Still it seems like an interesting idea, just not really something I wish to include at the moment (As it really only addresses your character.) Magic: I see where your going, and I love the creativity you have when developing this. Still unless you really spend a bit more time developing this I got to say no. I don't have a headache with it, I understand perfectly where you're coming from. Your handicaps to it just don't really seem to work from an RP standpoint as there just isn't any weight. A character trapped in jail would be dull to write about, and after a post or two about a detailed suicide you'd be back where you started. It would be really fun to see you sort of "Quantum Leap" into different lives, I just would like to see a more specific tier system that adds a bit more balance to immortality. If by all means you start getting a headache trying to make this magic work then just role another character. I just can't see myself approving the magical system with how it is currently. I love all this creativity you're bringing with you character and I'm trying not to trample on it, I'd just like to see this character fleshed out fully before I can see if it would work. [quote=AeronFarron] Hello! [/quote] Hallow! Anyway I figured it to be easy to quote this rather than your ENTIRE character sheet. Overall I liked it, your magic is unique and I love the extra bit of setting you added. The ranch makes sense as it is monitored by Atlas and it once again gives a more windowed look into The Outlands. Another fun thing about your ranch is that you get to design your own animals to, in this new world it would be boring to have plain old cows/horses (But you can if you want) Come up with some creative docile beasts to add into the world! Besides some odd phrasings or difficult to understand transitions(I had no idea your character wasn't living with her mother but then her mothers side of the family pops up, However it wasn't the end of the world reading through it) I thought it was a very well done character. You were true to my lore while adding some of your own, and the magic you posses is powerful without being too game breaking. You are accepted. [quote=Reialgo] Wow, the quote system doesn't keep paragraph spacing? o.0Well by kicked out I meant by his family, I haven't really worked out all the kinks to the backstory but I was thinking she would be a part of a noble's family, seen experimenting with magic by a family members, and snuck into being a "Surveyor" as a pseudo form of exile to keep her away from the city for both her own safety and her family's. Also thinking of having fire based magic to up the freak out factor, you know relation to the great fire n stuff.If this is sounds too much for magic thats been recently discovered, maybe I can turn it into a subplot in the RP instead? Start as a noble and turn my character to the life os surveying during the plot. [/quote] Ya, makes me keep on missing how the old site functioned. Seemed more familiar to me, now just foreign... Oh right your character. Anyway I plan on having the RP start about a week after the explosion and the reemergence of magic, so to avoid too much of playing through a scenario we know the outcome of I see no reason as why your character couldn't have been 'exiled' in that time. It also makes for a more interesting story too, a noble family covering for one of their own in order to avoid the repercussions. With the inclusion of noble family's being replaced, it adds for some tension there. The fire magic works too as well, another freak out factor to the citizens of Atlas like you said. I see nothing wrong with it so far, you're good. [quote=The book of bad juju] Sure, go ahead, most people do. It's a lot better then being called Book.I was kind of testing the waters there, mainly. If it works, it works. My original intention was for Teeterlands to be little more then lean-to shacks for miners to sleep in when they're not, y'know, mining. But if this frontier town away from Town idea works, lovely[/quote]Okay, i might as well to what i'm basing this magic system on, /tg/'s runic arrays. The way i see it working is that at tier one, a rune circle trap thing (or RCT) would activate on touch, and spawn out one of say, six things.. A small fire, a puddle of water, sticky stuff, a small push away, a smokescreen, and some spikes. At tier two, you can combine two things together. So you can have the small fire AND water to create steam. sticky stuff AND spikes for an annoying trap. At that same tier, tier 2, you could modify one rune so you could have a Large campfire, a small stream of water, a sticky trap that activated when it was Seen rather then directly touched. To modify one base Element beyond what it already does, to make it More in some way. However, this seems a little OP, given that runes have no weight and there's nothing preventing you from writing fire runes on every side of a rock and hurling it at a guy as a fireball substitute.So here's the system i have in mind right now.I suppose a solution would be that the total cost of each tier of spell is added together to get the tier of the spell as cast.Also, the quote button doesn't carry over stuff from the post you're quoting, such as formatting. Even though a quote is capable of it. You'll have to go through with each quote and re-add the format to the stuff you quote. [/quote] The quoting system is just... bad. I know man. Anyway I'm sorry for messing with your town, it's just that I pictured the AMA mines to be directly below Atlas so I saw no reason for there to be separate housing elsewhere. If you have a different idea and want to share it than go for it, if you would want Teetertown to be a sort of haven for miners than I see no harm in including that into the RP. I still would want to have sort of an outer settlement on the edge of Atlas incorporating a window to The Outlands, I would just call it something else. I also read through the entire magic system you're proposing and it sounds awesome, I think it would be cool if you included it into your character. I still would like you to have the tier system, as it provides a leveling system for your characters, but your example kind of works for the most part. To avoid the whole OP element of your magic, how about there is a limit to how many runes you can draw. As you increase tier levels this limit increases, as well as making it possible for you to simply cast runes on surfaces at will. I really enjoy the idea as while you aren't completely powerful in one element of magic, you have a wide range of skills that could suit your character at certain points in time. Nothing seems wrong with the idea at all, if you lengthen your character sheet and specify parts like background and magic then you will be good.