‘’It’s not like tea is that hard to make, Golyadkin! I taught you when it was your first week!’’ ‘’Don’t go so hard on the kid, Rogozhin.’’ ‘’My friend has just been through mindfuckery and we will deny him tea?’’ Rogozhin said in a loud voice. ‘’Plus, Golyadkin makes some good tea. He’s new, you wouldn’t know. But seriously, just try some out. You’d bloody well love it, Porfiry.’’ ‘’You’re a bloody connoisseur, aren’t you?’’ Porfiry leaned back and grabbed the handkerchief the medic gave him and started wiping his eyelids again. ‘’You wouldn’t believe the things I saw. I might have had a bloody revelation for all we know. I’ll tell you all of it. Myshkin might have some use for it, he was into the philosophical side of the Zone, wasn’t he?’’ ‘’He was, I think, uh,’’ Rogozhin replied as he tried to put some dossiers in order, ‘’Yeah, he was. Excuse me, I’m too busy trying to put these dossiers in order. Kruglov’s too busy to put these in alphabetical order, he’s too busy reading all the reports. He should be done anytime soon, though. There’s an important matter that he has to talk to you about.’’ Porfiry raised his eyebrows. ‘’Oh, is it the PDA message?’’ ‘’No, no, no. It’s your omelet-fuck!’’ Rogozhin leaned to the floor from his chair to grab some fallen dossiers. ‘’He hasn’t written it down anywhere and we just got a fresh supply of eggs and bacon. What did you put in it again?’’ ‘’I really don’t know.’’ Porfiry replied as he tried to remember. --- ‘’Eggs and bacon. It’s not that hard.’’ Porfiry thought to himself. For some reason, Semenov had put the bacon in the field objects packet. It looked quite exotic, dipped in some red liquid. It was probably one of those Cossack recipes Rogozhin would occasionally brag about. He pulled the bacon from the packet. It was quite dense. He smelled it. It wasn’t smelling anything like spice. It was moreso bitter, somewhat like gasoline. ‘’How’s it going, Porfiry? You found the bacon?’’ ‘’Yeah, Rogozhin! You guys will lick your fingertips, just wait!’’ Porfiry put the bacon strips on the table and started dicing them. ‘’Looks tasty.’’ He looked at the frying pan. The eggs were almost done. ‘’Good, good.’’ He took the diced bacon in his hands and dropped it on the cooking omelet. A burning smell filled Porfiry’s nose. He coughed. ‘’Oh dear god, fucking Rogozhin and his Cossack recipes,’’ he thought to himself as he used a wooden spoon to mix the omelet. ‘’It’s done!’’ Porfiry shouted as he grabbed the frying pan to take it to the hungry scientists. - ‘’I’m seeing milky, milky eyes… What was Oksana’s number again? She had pretty, fake tits. And her tool. God, it was huge, almost serpentine!’’ Kruglov asked Porfiry as the duo watched Semenov and Rogozhin bite on their suits. ‘’Boy, this orange is hard to peel!’’ Rogozhin said as he suddenly dropped his SSP-99 and started shouting about cheese. Semenov was chewing on the suit, but decided that shouting about cheese was better and joined Rogozhin’s tune about the glories of cheese. ‘’Oksana? From Kiev? Oh, you’re talking about *that* Oksana! Boy, she was a wild one. Would go mad when you gave her a reach-around. I remember her blasting off on the mirror when I went hard on her ass once.’’ Porfiry swiped the frying pan with a piece of bread and swallowed it. The sauced bacon was quite tasty. ‘’Man, man, man.. I fucking love it man. Fuck, what kind of omelet is this, man?’’ Kruglov asked as he hugged Porfiry. ‘’You’re right, it’s like a kite.’’ Porfiry had a sudden lapse of consciousness. ‘’I should check.’’ Porfiry said as he ripped himself free of Kruglov’s arms and (barely) stumbled to the kitchen. He checked the eggs with a Geiger counter. Nothing special. Then he checked the cover of bacon. ‘’Bloodsucker tentacles-found on specimen No.116-11/09/14’’ ‘’Oh shit.’’ He looked back into Semenov’s bag. There was an untouched pack of bacon. He took it from the bag, opened it with a knife, cut the bacon into tentacle-shaped pieces (nearly cutting his own fingers by accident) and tucked them back into the field examples packet. He wiped cold sweat from his brow. ‘’Oh. Oh wow.’’ When he returned, he found Rogozhin moaning in the toilet, Semenov trying to take off his pants and Kruglov licking the frying pan. ‘’We’re out of bacon, man. I don’t think I can make another.’’ Porfiry said. Then the ground turned into a worm and he fell into its mouth. --- ‘’Yeah, that, that omelet… I don’t think you guys would want any more of that.’’ Kruglov walked in mid-sentence. ‘’Why’s that, Porfiry?’’ Then he stopped and started thinking. ‘’You know what? I don’t even want to know.’’ There was a moment of silence. Then the trio burst into laughter. The laughter was dispersed somewhat when Golyadkin brought some tea. ‘’That explains why the Ministry Labs didn’t like our tentacle sample!’’ Kruglov shouted as he held his stomach. ‘’Dear God, Porfiry, dear God. I’d be angry but… five years, wasn’t it?’’ ‘’It tasted quite good, too.’’ Rogozhin added. ‘’I’d eat it again.’’ Porfiry said. There was another burst of laughter, but it was cut short when they heard some booming in the distance. ‘’Golyadkin, go check what’s happening! Is it zombies again?’’ Kruglov shouted. Golyadkin rushed off. ‘’It’s some guy, sir! Our guys are shooting at him! Should I open?’’ Kruglov looked at Porfiry. ‘’It’s got nothing to do with me, Kruglov. Don’t glare at me like that. Maybe it’s one of those guys who received your message.’’ ‘’Ah, possible.’’ There was an explosion. ‘’Open the door, Golyadkin!’’ After some wooshing sounds that probably came from the door, and another explosion, Golyadkin entered, having almost left a stain in his pants. Then a large, imposing stalker walked in and muttered something in a language Porfiry didn’t know of. ‘’Who are you, stalker?’’ Porfiry looked at the stalker. A scary, somewhat brutish male, an Aryan that would make Hitler impressed, was looking down at him. ‘’Oh.’’ Porfiry felt like he was facing a pseudogiant for a second. ‘’He’s a stalker and an old acquaintance and was called here, like you,’’ Kruglov said. ‘’Yeah, I was called here. Name’s Smoke. Nice to meet you.’’