[quote=The book of bad juju]
Go on, then. I'd love to hear a few.
[/quote]

Prepared to be sickened and offended.

[hider=The Man Who Didn't Say Neigh]
I attended a call once at a private stables in Essex. One of their mares had been unusually restless lately; clopping, barbiting etc etc. The farmer was at the end of his tether and so hired myself and my partner as consultants. Now, initially we were stumped; there were no outside stimuli that could be causing this unusual behaviour, neither was the horse sick or discomforted in any way. Nothing in it's history struck us as meaningful, so we decided to set up a camera to get a 24 hour view on the mare's life, just in case.
We left the camera there for two days, recording 24 hours; when we brought it home and watched the videos... well. By now I reckon you can guess what happened. It turns out the farmer's son was a bit of a beastophile with a special liking for this particular horse. We had video evidence of him performing multiple sexual acts upon the mare and using the mare. Sufficed to say, it wasn't easy watching that video. We had to watch the whole damn act and get a written transcript for court...
In the end we got paid twice our rate, so it was worth watching a man fuck a horse.[/hider]

[hider=The Squaddie Who Ran]
Where I live there are a lot of Army barracks and farms within a few miles of one another. This particular story comes from when I was just starting out with my business, a couple of years back. I was hired by the RSM of the Royal Engineers barrack to liaise with the local farmers and educate them in how to keep their bulls off MOD property. Now, most of these farmers had been around longer than anyone, so they didn't take this lightly. Nevertheless most of them went along with it and I worked to improve their handling techniques and enclosures so that escapes were almost eliminated. But there was one stubborn old barstard that refused to play nice and one day, his prize European champion bull got loose in the middle of morning PT... I was called in about half hour after the panic started, but we spent the day like matadors trying to herd the fucker back toward his pen, using jeeps to block his paths off. In the end one squaddie got pissed off and without warning anyone, did something really, really stupid. He stuck on a hi-vis jacket (which is just as infuriating as bright red paint to a bull) and threw an empty glass bottle at the animal.
Fortunately for him, he was a fast runner. Unfortunately for him, the bull was faster.
He got off lightly with only a horn through the buttock, but Christ did he scream. We eventually tranqed the bull and airlifted him back. The farmer quickly gave up his attitude.[/hider]

Well, they're the two best stories that come to mind. There are others, mainly involving the strange, strange ways that people use animals to pleasure themselves, but they're less funny and more skin-crawlingly creepy.
[hider=You don't want to know]One woman used a tarantula.[/hider]

And Timashe; that's almost exactly the expression I had in mind XD

/edit Adding -nii to the end if a name implies that the person is an older brother; I thought Shiori was older O_o