I caught him looking at my feet, and all I could think was how glad I was that I hadn’t been running around barefoot with the kids like I usually did, making them dirty. “Hey now, I’m almost twenty three in a couple months! And a bachelor until you retire…sounds like a plan, if that’s what makes you happy. You’ll definitely have stories to tell,” I smiled, though it sounded very lonely to me. “I don’t think I could do what you do, not forever. I’m a big fan of the quite outdoors, you know that, but…I don’t know.” I did know, I just didn’t want to say it out loud. I needed human touch and contact, something you didn’t get much of if strangers were your only company all the time. It wasn’t even conversation that was so important. Just…a hand on the shoulder, a hug at the end of the day. Peter has done a splendid job of filling this need of mine, which is good since it has only grown stronger since we got together.

I smirked when he mentioned that I should not be single, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear and looking down as we continued swinging. What was I looking for? “I’m not looking, that’s kind of the idea,” I answered, finally looking back up at him. “I hope I don’t sound melodramatic here, but I really have no desire to…to give someone that kind of power.” I paused, trying to figure out how to explain. This too was something new for me to open up about. “I saw the pain in my mother’s eyes for years after my father left. She had given him her heart, and for what?” I shook my head, frowning now. “I love a lot of people and a lot of things on this island, but [i]that[/i] kind of love is not worth the risk to me.”

But the question…it intrigued me, and I simply had to think about it. “But if I [i]was[/i] looking,” I smiled, hating to bring the conversation to such a low point before, “I suppose he would need to appreciate nature. And be able to enjoy pancakes on Saturday mornings with me. That’s simply a deal breaker,” I joked, unable to think of any real traits I would want in a man. I really had pushed the entire idea of a boyfriend, much less a husband, away. There was more bitterness toward my father and most men than I wanted to admit.