Caller: “Why did you send me a letter saying I have to pay my bill 31 days before it’s due?”

Me: “Ma’am, that letter is simply stating that you have to pay the bill WITHIN 31 days of the due date.”

Caller: “Yes! The letter says WITHIN 31 days! That means BEFORE!”

Me: “Ma’am, I deal with accounts similar to yours all day every day, and I’m telling you, you have 31 days PAST the due date to pay the bill.”

Caller: “That’s not what this letter says! I want you to send me a letter in writing stating what you just said.”

Me: “Ma’am, if I sent you a letter stating what I just said you would receive the same letter you’re calling me about right now.”

Caller: “Well, I’m going to send your company a letter to tell them I still haven’t received my bill for next month! I can’t afford not to have coverage!”

Me: *finally giving up* “Would you like the address, ma’am?”