[quote=whizzball1]
1. It was supposed to be a relatively short sketch.2. The nature of the sketch is formed such that you don't need to know what roleplaying is, just that it's taking up a lot of your time.3. Once you get a position of leadership and roleplaying takes more of your life, it says, "That's when things change." That's the point where it stops being innocent. I can say "As you descend, the addiction begins to take hold" to show that at this point in time, the addiction is starting to show itself. Not that they are necessarily connected.4/5. I should have said that a dangerous virus happened to lodge onto the bad stock, and the soap failed to kill it.6. I wrote it in an unclear manner. I'm going to change it such that it shows the reason why you rush, which is wanting to get back to roleplaying as quickly as possible.7. I should have made that clearer. Adding some time indicators to show the significance.8. Adding "As your mother and sister heal" to clarify.9. Changing the words to make it more fitting.10/11. Changing it to better express the change and the result of the words.12/13. Changed it up a lot to be more gradual and better reflect what I'm trying to portray.
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I just thought the transition needed to be clearer, from roleplay to gore to dishes to sickness.