You make it sound so melodramatic. No. Neither of those are accurate.

I fell in love, emotionally had my heart broken, and my heart strings are under unhealthy stress that could actually rupture my heart. So, in a way, through caring too much and being too compassionate (y'know, loving) I've begun to kill myself. It literally is traumatizing, and I would literally rather be dead.

I literally am a great actor and cast the illusion that I'm both mentally stable and lighthearted. In truth, I'm a lunatic who laughs at tragedy cuz if I don't, the people around me will. To be honest, I enjoy RPing, but I am not in the same position in any way to continue the way I began the hobby.

I died when the legitimate only person I've ever loved and trusted had forsaken me completely. I died when my father began to treat me like a dog since my early childhood. I died when I fully understood how messed up I am and lost the only things that made me feel alive.

If I died by RP only I wouldn't have bother posting. I don't care if you understand why I act as I do. I posted that so that my internet-based 'friends' would have their curiosity satisfied. Put simply what makes me happy is a girl who completely betrayed me. Prior to that, it had legitimately been The Batman, though I sacrificed that so I could give her my attention. I've given my heart (literally & physically), soul, pleasures, solaces, and have been stripped of my dignity.

It wasn't intentional, but I am dead inside. Despite my heartbreak, I'm left with the concern for her that love compells. This is no life. This blows.