[quote=Heroic] [/quote] That was really good for a first time, actually. The dialogue was realistic, which shows that you definitely aren't a naive new writer. The actions are well-described, too. There's one or two sentences that could be improved, for example: "Lucas picked up his blade and walked over to Graveny, and just as he was about to raise the blade and bring it down onto his opponent, a streak of red soared through the air above him, which he saw with his peripheral vision." That last part sounds a bit weird. You could say: "...opponent, a streak of red soared through the air above him through his peripheral vision."