[hider=Part 3]
Holly sat sulking in the small cell, not sure what time or even day it was. She knew it couldn’t be more than a few days since she’d made the mistake of trusting those blood sucking fiends Edwardardo and Abigayus. As soon as she had let her guard down she was attacked from behind and knocked unconscious before awaking in this very cell. The only interaction she had was with a small and strange ‘thrall’ type creature, a failed attempt at a Vampire lord creating a powerful minion, who had introduced himself as ‘Big Maccy the fourth’. As she sat there the sounds of her cell door being unlocked reached her ears and once more Big Maccy came in with a bowl of questionable looking soup and merrily said “Hi Holly!” to which she replied the usual “Hi Big Mac” before he placed the bowl just within her reach, before backing away and leaving, the sounds of the cell being locked again emanating through the room. Holly sighed as she looked at the chain that was fixed around her ankle and prevented her from making a break for it whenever Big Mac came in. “Where the hell are you…” she said to herself quietly, thinking only of her true love and hoping that he was on his way to her at that very moment. 
***
Jamie sped up as he recognised the last little stretch before he reached their cabin in the woods, almost gleeful in his state that he was going to see his one true love once more. As he got closer he noticed a strange smell in the air, and as he got even closer he heard the sounds of people and music, a light glow and the unmistakable smell of herbs being smoked. As he rounded the bend and the cabin came into view he stopped and stared in almost disbelief at the sight before him. The cabin was packed with people, the signs of a party more than evident with empty cans and bottles strewn about with a steady stream of thick smoke and dubstep seeping from the open windows and into the cold night. “Mother of God…” exhaled Jamie as he watched a group of goblins lifting a human form werewolf upside down and chanting “chug, chug, chug!” as he drank from a big steel keg. Knowing that something was seriously wrong when the forces of darkness partied in your safe-house Jamie took a deep breath and prepared himself for what was to come.

Reaching down without averting his gaze Jamie wrapped his hand around the hilt of his broad sword before hesitating a moment and then moving it over to grasp the hilt of his katana instead, deciding it was much more appropriate for the situation. Drawing it from its sheath he tilted his head to the left and then the right, stretching his muscles before suddenly sprinting forwards, the katana held before him in the traditional ‘Banzi charge’ fashion. Leaping from the darkness he plunged it directly into the wolf-man’s stomach, slicing it through one side to the other causing a generous amount of his intestines and stomach contents to ooze out onto the keg, the goblins stopping their chanting as they stared in disbelief at the now very dead body of their friend and the slayer who stood before them. 

“Yes, that just fucking happened” said Jamie, breaking the silence of the group. At that moment shit got real as several of the goblins started screaming and shouting at the others in the house, before the slayer systematically started slicing his blade through them one at a time, cleaving heads, torsos and whatever else stood before him. As he did several of the surrounding party-goers pulled out knives, guns and various other weapons, some of the creatures in the house taking note of the situation and grabbing various death wielding implements and rushing out, whist some others remained oblivious and continued to thrash around to the monstrous sound of dubstep. Jamie swung the sword around above his head, dodging back and forth as various Goblins, wolf-men and vampires rushed at him. Each time someone attacked him he would dodge skilfully one way or another, before lashing out with his katana and killing his attacker. As he decapitated a vampire he spotted another rushing from the house with a pistol gripped in his hand. Diving to the side as the vampire opened fire Jamie managed to grab onto a fleeing goblin and lift the creature up as a meat-shield, several bullets slamming into it and killing it in the process as Jamie advanced forwards before throwing the corpse directly into the vampire sending them both falling to the ground, before jumping forward and stabbing his blade through both the goblin’s corpse and the vampire. From there Jamie dived forwards through the window and into the cabin, the sound of the dubstep music being almost deafening inside. At that point it was impossible for the others not to notice him as he ducked, dodged and generally flew around kicking the absolute shit out of everyone. A minotaur who was apparently serving as the DJ pulled up a sawn-off shotgun and fired it at the slayer, missing both times and instead hitting a group of skanky vampire hoes. Leaping over the DJ table Jamie stabbed his sword directly into the minatuors forehead as he attempted to reload, riding his large body to the ground. Leaving the sword still protruding Jamie pulled out his revolver and in the flash of an eye fired five of the six chambers into the skulls of the remaining attackers, leaving nothing more than bodies and ash floating around the room which moments before had been a packed party. As the last of the ash settled Jamie pointed his revolver at the sound system and fired the last shot into it, killing the music and leaving nothing but silence. “Fucking dubstep…” mumbled Jamie as he turned around and after several attempts pulled the katana from the Minotaur’s skull, before turning and looking around the cabin. He sighed at the total mess than was left, knowing that Holly had obviously left for some reason, most likely pertaining to the crown and in her absence the current occupants had obviously moved in. 

After a quick search of the cabin and the pockets of the deceased occupants Jamie had recovered several bags of various herbs and even a small pack of shuriken ninja stars. He also took a moment to harvest the Minotaur’s horns, cutting around their base with the dragon-bone knife before ripping them from its skull. He walked across the room and tipped the armchair back upright before wiping off a little blood splatter and sitting down, sighing once more. Rolling a smoke Jamie lit it before leaning back and closing his eyes, exhaling and taking a moment to himself. He was super pissed at the current turn of events, angry that he’d not seen Holly as expected, and furious that the forces of darkness were listening to dubstep now. As he sat smoking there was a flushing sound that came from the toilet, and raising his eyebrows and revolver he watched as a goblin emerged from the toilet, before freezing in place as he noticed the dead bodies and the slayer sat pointing a gun at him. 

“Last words?” asked Jamie as he sat, continuing to smoke. 

The goblin gulped and twitched slightly before saying “Okay man, wait like, just wait. I can tell you some shit man, just don’t kill me yeah?” 

“I’m listening…” said Jamie appearing uninterested. 

“Okay, well like, this party was totally the idea of count Morrison’s dudes and we had nothing to do with it yeah. Plus they wanted to celebrate and shit and… well free booze you know?”

Jamie again raised his eyebrows and asked “and so what were they celebrating?” cocking the revolver dramatically as he did so. 

“Eh shit man, they was saying they’d captured this slayer’s hoe, and that they… eh well they’d be able to… reign darkness down upon the earth for all eternity because their boss got the crown of Dracula... or something.”

Sitting up slightly he un-cocked the revolver and noticed that the Goblin relaxed considerably. “Holy shitballs…” Jamie said slowly before adding “Well in that case I think tha…” but suddenly he paused as a stink emanating from the toilet suddenly reached him and crinkling his nose in disgust he said “What the actual fuck man?” before quickly loading another bullet into his revolver and firing the single shot at the Goblin as he screeched “No wait man I di- ” before the bullet slammed into him causing him to fall backwards and into the toilet. 

“Urgh crap” said Jamie as he stood, walking over and closing the door, almost retching at the strong smell as he did so before going back to sit down, the smell dissipating slowly but just about quickly enough. From there Jamie rolled another smoke and recovered an old map that was luckily not destroyed by the party from a nearby bookcase, unrolling it and realising there was no-where to put it he quickly moved over to his desk, sweeping the remains of a beer-pong game, a few lines of white powder and other various bits of crap onto the floor before placing the map on it. The map itself was an ancient map made by his ancestors of the castle that count Morrison was occupying, and where he was fairly certain that Lady Carver was now being held. He traced his finger along the passages which lead from the entrance all the way into the castle’s dungeons, where he would hopefully find his love, be able to re-equip her, before the pair then went and fucked the shit out of everything count Morrison held dear, theoretically defeating him and saving the world in the process. Once he had done that he quickly pulled out a chart which would show him when the next full moon was – knowing that Count Morrison would be performing the ritual to turn himself into a vampiric god, turning the moon into a blood-moon and thus starting what could possibly be a reign of darkness that would last for all time. Checking the chart Jamie could see that the next full moon was only four days away, with the proposed trip taking around a week depending on how quickly he travelled. 

“You will rue the day mother fucker…” Jamie said aloud, challenging the count from afar. With that he gathered his belongings and set off once more on what would hopefully be the last lengthy journey before he reached his one true love.

***

“Oh I think I understand you perfectly” responded Ace down the phone “So I kill him and then get to rule whatever land I like as a kingdom in any fashion I see fit?”

Ace nodded several more times before saying “No no – Thank you, count Morrison. Okay see you soon” and with that he hung up the phone. Standing and walking from the small room he had been in to a much larger room filled with several others he said “Right! Listen up boys and listen good. We got us a mission and a real doosey of one at that. We are tasked with killing one of the last remaining free slayers as he attempts to trek across hostile land to attack a castle single handily before our client is able to complete some bat-shit sounding ritual which will turn him into a vampiric god of darkness, who will then pay us an insane amount of dolla before giving us our own huge chunk of land to do whatever we want with!” 

As he spoke the others paid semi-close attention, the majority of them being distracted by something which was playing on an old television set – its fuzzy and unclear image seeming suspiciously like porn. Shaking his head the commander of the squadron picked up a nearby paperweight and launched it across the room and directly into the tv set, causing it to explode and shower the ground in a generous amount of glass and sparks as smoke billowed out. From there on they paid much closer attention – especially as Ace at that point began to scream and rant about them all, spittle and froth flying from his mouth as he did so. After what felt like almost an hour of berating, insulting, demeaning and a small amount of physical abuse the others were all stood in a straight line to attention, their eyes all focused on the commander. 

“Much better…” said Ace, his skin tone fading from the bright red back to its more natural hue. “Now, we are supposed to be the best human mercenaries available and we need to damn jolly well act like it! If we succeed here we will literally never have to work again. The reward in gold would be enough alone to make sure of that, but when coupled with the possibility of our own kingdom to rule… well safe to say if you fail I will personally shove my fist so far up your arses that I can grab your heart and smoosh it into a ragged bloody pulp, before ripping it out and feeding it to you. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes sir!” was the single and resounding answer he received from each of them.

“Good” he said, an air of smugness returning to him “Now if you could all be as kind as to get your asses into gear, grab your shit and meet me in the chopper, then we can get this show on the bloody road.” With that each of the men saluted before rushing out, all at once breaking into a conversation about their plans once they were rich land owners. Ace buried his face in his hands and groaned as he heard one of the men say that he would use his share of the winnings to buy hundreds of scratch cards, so he could win even more money as the other man he argued with stated that he would use the money to buy the most expensive and luxury underpants he could find. 
[/hider]