[quote=JonxlatheLion] Alliance: Himself Rank: Demon Ninja[/quote] No. "Demon Ninja" isn't even a real rank, and this is a cooperative RP, so "himself" as an alliance won't cut it at the moment as we have not yet introduced any malefactors. [quote=JonxlatheLion]Clan: Originally a member of the village Kohona, he was trained as a leaf ninja, even though he did not have the correct heritage. Kekkei Genkai: Rinnegan Eye[/quote] 1.) What? 2.) If you think you're going to be allowed Rinnegan, you're mistaken. [quote=JonxlatheLion]Traits: Rarely talks at tall. Tends to not even say anything. The negative part of a split mind.[/quote] Not sure what the last part is about... but a silent character is ok, I guess. [quote=JonxlatheLion]History: Agony looks at the man cowering from him, and sighs. This again?'A boy stands in the middle of the road, abandoned and crying in the rain. A man kneels down and opens his eyes to say something, but then the memory changes like it was broken film. He is on the road, walking with the man and laughing. He was asked if he would like to travel with the man, he guessed anyway. Curse his broken mind.'He shakes his head as the memories streamed through his mind. This gave the man some time to get away, and Agony let him. He growls in self-aimed anger. She must be getting close. He had to get away before they melded.'This man was a well known merchant that traveled between clans selling and buying goods. He also brought with him rumors of the other clans and items from them.'He was in the trees, looking at the path. A group of merchants passed, and then some travelers. Among them was a beautiful woman with pitch white eyes and one of them seemed to be covered with the white part of the yin-yang, but Agony knew better than this. She looks right at him, and then looks away. He feels a force tugging them together, and snarls to himself.'He saw all the clans, but when he came to the leaf village, he liked it more than anything. It had a homely look to it and felt... right. The memory changes again.He was looking on as his adoptive father was banished for accusing the ninja of unreasonable murdering. A grizzled old man with a eye patch and green eyes was smiling at him for some reason.'He shakes his head again in frustration. He did not like these memories of a better life. They always happened when SHE was nearby.'How would you like to live with me for a while? I'm guessing you have no place to stay after that incident. Besides, I could do with someone to care for. It's been a while since I had some company. The memory changes.He was a teenager now, helping the now senile old man along in life. He had a respectable job and it gave enough for both to live in good health. But a strange man appeared in the village, and sense then he had mood swings. Horrible changes in personality. At times he said nothing and said things that would frighten the bravest man, and others he was the kindest person you ever met.'He growls and climbs farther up on the tree to look around. Nothing but forest for a while. This was going to be a long walk.'one day the boy who no one knew just disappeared. No sign of leaving in the night or anything. But a man and women were reported leaving the town, and were said to look nothing like the reporter had ever seen. They say the boy's obvious seperate minds turned into two different people. Who this could happen to, however, is unknown.'[/quote] This story might be interesting if it even remotely followed the timeline of this RP, but it doesn't. Read the OOC/IC listed at this [url=http://www.roleplayerguild.com/posts/65084]LINK[/url] [quote=JonxlatheLion]Personality: Reckless and merciless. Stubborn and head-strong, he cannot be persuaded from his descisions. He is cold and cruel, having no regard for anyone's life. Combat Style: Messy and unpredictable. You will never know what he might do next. A savage cunning that only a beast could have backs this technique.[/quote] Personality and Combat Style is fairly typical for villains. And as stated before, we have not introduced any of those just yet. [quote=JonxlatheLion]Nature Release: Steel Release: Impenetrable armor Jutsu List: Rinnegan Six Paths Technique. That's all.[/quote] No. [quote=JonxlatheLion]Weaponry: A great amount of small throwing knives. No really, a whole arm-length supply on each arm. A shortsword and katana. A belt that has five explosive kunai on each side of it. Miscellaneous: Talks with what sounds like a female and male voice combined and distorted to sound dark and demonic.Also, this character is very powerful and I understand if he needs to be toned down. [/quote] About the only parts of the sheet that are really acceptable, and only if the character was a weapon specialist. -------------------------------- In closing... Were we looking to start a whole new plot arc where we needed a super-villain, maybe this guy would fit the bill. But as it stands, we are still in need of Genin. Make a Genin, and read the backstory for the RP at the link I have provided, and feel free to try again.