"I think he means that you y'all have 45 minutes to get to know each other and me with that screen over there. . . I'm supposed to use this computer for work myself, but it involves talking with all of you from my cell. Anyway, yes, my name is Jake. I um, couldn't control that magical boner. It's embarrassing but it gets me a lot of action." He stated. "Sorry I can't find anything to keep it down. I've tried a steel chastity belt for men but it destroyed it like it was a wet piece of paper. Anyway yeah, nice to meet y'all."

"Um, so, for the rest of you, I'm the son of an unknown father, I have a lot of untapped potential, not just these people know that but a lot of people do. I can do a lot of things with plants and animals, and I can do REAL magic. In fact I'm a world famous celebrity. Jakob Donald Englund's the name, you may have heard of me, but uh, it looks like my billions of dollars can't protect me from these people. They came prepared for any kind of fight I could put up. According to the computer's instruction's I need to be interviewing all of you, and collecting data. Some of it seems pointless, some of it seems quite productive actually, but um, anyway, as sad as it is that I can't leave for some reason or another, I hope that all of you are as comfortable as I am. And uh, oh, as I read the instructions it says that I can't speak to all of you at this time for more than a few minutes, so I'll shut up and just let the rest of you talk."

"-Oh! Oh! And one more thing. . . this screen says that it "Greatly Encourages" us to ask for "conjugal fulfillment" from me. . . WHAT!? What the fuck? Oh, and such kind of company can even be bought for you". . . "Heh, hookers." Jake laughs. "Okay, goodbye for real".