Ssarak Dyreackthanose and Meirin Kurenai (EliteCommander and Ryonara)

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Ssarak could hardly bear to even look at Meirin with the shame he felt. He had told his story before to Annabeth, whom he considered a close friend, but with Meirin, something felt...different. In his mind, he faced a much greater fear of judgement from her. His actions which sent him into exile were despicable, and he feared what Meirin might think of them. Despite this, he felt that she above all others had a right to know about what he had done so she could make her own judgement. His fear had put off him telling her for too long. 

"Do you remember when I mentioned that someone from my homeland had arrived here, Dirssi Xhotharanil? Her intentions were as I feared, she was sent to bring me back to the Scorched Lands. I...I need to explain. You deserve to know this about me." Pausing for a moment, Ssarak glanced around at the others in the hall, then focused back on Meirin. "We should speak somewhere more private, let us go back to my room." He suggested. 

Meirin nodded her head and followed Ssarak back to his room. She had heard a little of Dirssi from Ssarak and even did a bit of research on her. Dirssi was apparently a very powerful warrior from the Scorched Lands from another clan that Ssarak's clan fought often. Meirin also had discovered that Dirssi had been at the college a little bit before the attack happened and that she was a very powerful mage. Certainly a threatening opponent, but Meirin still didn't know why she was here. And from Ssarak's mood, she did not bring good news.

When the two got to Ssarak's room Meirin closed the door behind her and took a seat on one of the chairs in Ssarak's room. "Why does Dirssi want to take you away? And why now? She has been here for a little over a month, and it is not as though you have been hiding from her this entire time." Meirin wanted answers and more importantly she wanted to help Ssarak.

Ssarak took a seat in a chair beside Meirin and let out a pained sigh. He was not looking forward to this explanation, but it was something that had to be done. "I believe Dirssi brought her business to Lucilia's attention before, but the reconstruction prevented her from addressing it until now. As for why she is here...it is because of my own crimes. My greatest failure. I am little better than a murderer. It is not something that is...easy for me to discuss, and I regret not telling you sooner. It was around three years ago that it happened. I have told you that I was a warrior of my clan. For most of the time that I served that role, we had been at war with clan Xhoth, Dirssi's clan. Though it was my duty as a warrior to fight, I hated the constant warfare, which never seemed to end. I wanted to find a way to end it once and for all, so...I made the mistake that is the greatest regret of my life. I convinced a portion of my village's warriors to attack a Xhoth village in the night. We killed not just the warriors, but every other person in the village. I...I thought it would give us the advvantage needed to end the fighting once and for all, but it only served to intensify clan Xhoth's retaliation."

Ssarak paused for a moment. He already could not bear to look Meirin in the eyes. He could not justify his actions, nor would he want to. He was guilty, and did not want to even pretend that the reality was otherwise. "A few weeks later, they lured most of our warriors, including myself, away from the village and attacked. They killed everyone, just as we had. My wife and children were among them. When I walked through the ashes of my village, when I saw the mangled corpses of the children I loved so deeply, I saw what a monster I was. I had caused that very same pain to the Xhoth. That was why I left. I sent myself into exile because I did not deserve to be with my clan. I wanted to find a way to redeem myself for the crimes I had committed, but now...my redemption may come in another form. If they want me to return for judgement, it is certainly because they desire my execution. Lucilia wants me to gain evidence before my trial to prevent Dirssi from taking me, but...I do not think I will. It will likely mean my death, but going with her to face my judgement will at least allow me to die with some measure of honor. Perhaps the families I wronged deserve the closure?"

"Ssarak...." Meirin wasn't sure what she could say. This was just so much to take in all at once. She had always thought that Ssarak was no stranger to fighting and killing, but she knew that he and his reasons. But to hear that he killed not only other warriors, but their families as well... Meirin had very mixed feelings. She didn't want to believe it. She wanted to think that maybe Ssarak had a good reason, or that something else made Ssarak do this. But even she could see just how horrific what he did was, and if she was in her shoes, she wouldn't deny punishment for it either.

But Meirin didn't want Ssarak to go. He was a dear friend, and she did not want to see him hurt despite his mistakes. She knew this was wrong however, and that no one should be allowed to escape justice. But right now Meirin wanted to make that exception. "Ssarak, I.... I don't know what to say. That's... It's horrible. Just all of this. What you done... And what is going to happen to you. I can't say that I approve of what you did, but I... I don't want you to go. I am being selfish, I know, but I think that there is still a chance to make things up. But I know that your death won't solve anything. Killing won't heal the scars. You can't let them take you away Ssarak, even if you want them to!" Meirin stood up and got in front of Ssarak. She put her hands on his face and made him look at her in the eyes. She was fighting back tears, but she wasn't going to let them flow. She had some choice words to say to Ssarak first before she'd let her emotions get the better of her.

"What about us, Ssarak? About the friends that you've made and the people who care about you? Even Lucilia... She even wants you to be saved. And I'm sure she's not the only one too! Ssarak you're not only my friend, but also a friend to everyone in this college. If it weren't for there wouldn't have been as many survivors at the college as there are now. If it weren't for you, Lyn would have never been born, nor would there be anyone to care for people like Alaira. And... And if you weren't here.... I wouldn't know what I would have done. It's perfectly alright for you to feel guilty for what you've done Ssarak, but please, don't think that you can solve all your problems by leaving. Or that dying would somehow makes this all better. If you died, it would only make even more people sad. And... And I don't want that Ssarak. Please. Let me help you, let's try to figure something out. Please?"

Though it was only because Meirin was making him, Ssarak finally looked into her eyes. He had not expected the outpouring of emotion from her, he had not expected her to care so greatly. Silently, he took in every word, every tone and expression she made. His first instinct was to reject her request. Since he learned of Dirssi's arrival, his regrets had been stronger than ever before. He felt like fate was giving him a chance to be rid of his pain, but with Meirin's words, he felt something else as well. He was uncertain if it was what he really deserved, or if what [i]he[/i] deserved really even mattered. Thusfar, his thoughts had been focused on himself, but he did have friends now, people who cared about him. As Annabeth had said the first time he shared his tale, he could possibly redeem himself, even if it did seem unlikely. Still, even with that hope, the images of Ssarak's crimes still haunted his mind. Like the ghosts they now were, his mind was still filled with the memories of the innocents he had personally executed. He saw every excruciating detail of the slaughter, down to the pattern of the blood covering his axe. In every face he recalled, he saw a bit of his own family, whose deaths he was responsible for.

Were Ssarak more resolute in his concept of justice, he might have shook his head and left right then, no matter how much his emotions were begin him to stay. However, as walking to one's death was no easy choice, he faltered, allowing himself to entertain the notion that justice may not need to be served, in this case. Looking straight ahead at Meirin, his normally strong, stoic appearance gave way to tears. "But...can I really justify that? You do not know the pain I caused, how much better this world would be had I never existed. Will it really be any better if I continue to live?"

"It will be much worse if you died, you know. If you went back to your homelands and get executed, do you really think that it would bring them any peace? They would still be fighting each other, and you would just be another death in their war. There has to be a better way Ssarak, and I know that one exist. But it needs you to make sure that it happens. This is your fault, that's true, which also means that it's up to you to fix it. If you died, that just means that you gave up and now someone else has to fix it, and you'll be hurting more people here at the college. If you don't want to cause any more pain, than let's find a way to heal, instead of just more ways of dying." Meirin let go of Ssarak's head and reached down to grab his hands. They were so much bigger than her own that she needed to use both hands just to hold one of his.

"If there is one thing you don't have to do Ssarak, its that you don't have to do this alone. If you really wanted to exile yourself, you should have never come to the college. But you did. And maybe it was because of the will of the gods or maybe just luck, but you came here for more reasons than just because you were exiled. We can help you Ssarak, and I want to help you, and together we can figure out a way to make sure everyone is happy. That's what we all came to the college for, to make happy memories and do the impossible. Like finding a way to redeem yourself." Meirin took Ssarak's hand and moved it close to her face. Even though his skin was cold, she felt a bit of warmth from him. It was odd, but pleasant. "But we can only do this if you're alive Ssarak. You can't redeem yourself if you're dead, and we'll never forgive you if you died. Stop trying to do everything yourself and taking all the blame and let us help you. We can figure out the hows together, but first you have to accept our help." Not that Meirin was really waiting for his premission. Whether he wanted it or not, she was going to figure out some way to save him.

Silence hung in the air for a few moments after Meirin finished speaking. Ssarak was at a loss; his regret and self-loathing conflicted with the words of kindness Meirin was giving him. She seemed to have more faith in him than he did. The stress of the situation caused his hands to start shaking and his breathing to become irregular. As much as Ssarak wanted to see justice served, Meirin's words had merit, but even more, they had compassion. She cared about his fate, about whether he lived or died. No doubt, the rest of his friends felt the same way. After the attack a few weeks ago, he did not want to cause them any more pain, especially Meirin.

"I...I will try. We will try. Justice or no, I don't want you to be hurt. We might fail, but at least we will try." Ssarak finally answered. His tone easily showed the pain he felt, but it also carried with it a hint of hope, not just in succeeding in creating a defense against Dirssi, but in finding a way to convince himself that he was worthy to live. For Meirin, he felt an immense gratitude for her words and offer of support. After a few moments, and with a faint smile, he wrapped his arms around her to give her a hug. Despite the pain filling his mind, he had to admit that it felt...nice. "Thank you." He added. 

Meirin was surprised when Ssarak hugged her. he never seemed to be the type to act so emotionally unlike her. But for now, she allowed herself to stop holding back her tears and let herself cry freely, returning Ssarak's embrace. She held onto him for some time and said nothing. She's spoken enough, and this gesture was more than enough for her to know what his anwser was.

As much as she'd like to simply stay in this position, they had work to do. "Alright, than let's go find the others. We need to let them know what's going on, and try to get them to help us. Who should we find first?"

Ssarak reluctantly let go, then stood up and took in a deep breath. "Well...we probably should not get too many people involved, or Dirssi may learn of our efforts. Perhaps...Annabeth Gulch. She and I became friends not long after I arrived here. She already knows of my past, so I know she would have no issue supporting me. Beyond her, we should make sure to remember that anyone else we want to help will have to know about what I have done. We should select only those we trust. I believe I know where Annabeth would be around this time, should we go find her now or do you have another suggestion?" He asked. 

Meirin knew Annabeth, just a little. Mostly because she knew Annabeth was one of Ssarak's friends, but beyond that she's never really gotten to know the girl. Still if she was as close of a friend as Ssarak says she is, Meirin had no qualms with asking her for help. "Let's find her quickly. The sooner the better, yes? If I can figure out something myself I'll be sure to tell you."

Ssarak nodded. "Very well. It is still fairly early, so she may still be training." He explained as the left his room. By this point, Ssarak had agreed to train with several people, such as Alaira recently, so he had shifted his schedule somewhat. He still trained with Annabeth, but not every day as before. 

The pair headed down from their rooms to the gymnasium. It was a bit later in the day than Ssarak was used to exercising, so there were more people present than he was accustomed to, but luckily, Annabeth was among them. He approached and waited for her to finish what she was doing before speaking up, despite the urgency of his situation. "Annabeth... May we speak to you for a moment?" He asked in a tone that betrayed his anxiety.