Thanks for all of your submissions, everyone! Here's some feedback with requests for tweaks. I don't like forcing you to change characters. If I'm asking you to rework something, it's not because it's bad - it just doesn't fit. So as best as you can, don't take anything I say personally. ####Character submissions feedback @HaltingBlooper - The writing is a bit muddled and I have trouble reading your CS. You could use some revision all around. - Based off Samuel's backstory, goals and fears, to me it doesn't make much sense for him to become a mercenary. If his fear is losing those he loves and he doesn't like fighting and he comes from a well-off family, I don't know why he would leave those he loves to do something he doesn't like when there doesn't seem to be anything driving him away from home. - Healing totems could work, but to make them impossible to steal or sell seems odd, arbitrary, and unexplained. I'd drop that aspect, and I'd like the healing properties better if they were actually linked to some physical property. --- @ByeliVolk - Your sentences tend to run on and it makes your CS difficult to read. Try varying the sentence structure, maybe use more punctuation? - Djinn would be considered extra-dimensional. You would need to rework his race's origin and remove the emotional wind effects. - Given your character's goals, fears, and background, I still don't totally follow why he became a mercenary. - I like your totem concept, but it doesn't fit the world. I'd like to keep a spiritual or elemental beings more ambiguous, a compromise might be having your totem produce strange breezes and whistles, and your character hears the voices in the noise. Whether or not it's spirits or madness may not be clear. --- @Neon - Paragraph breaks would help readability. - How tall is your character standing normally (not counting ears)? --- @Megadraco - I think it's a neat idea, but the totem that makes it impossible for the wielder to surrender doesn't really fit my vision for how totems work. - I don't know what you mean by "able to move with great freedom, regardless of the circumstances." Could you explain what you mean? - I'd like for you to come up with some physical reason to explain the speed increase. Maybe the totem makes the sword feel lighter? - For both totems, you don't really describe what they look like. I would like you to attempt to describe it. - I'm still thinking about the eye. I'm on the fence if I'll allow the ability to spot totems. I haven't decided if that's going to make encounters more exciting or less. I'll come back to this point. --- @Fairess - The only thing I'd like to rework is how the cannon works. The way I picture it, one totem has one effect. And having a totem that creates a malleable energy doesn't quite sit right with me. There are ways around that. You could have three separate totems (fire, light, lightning) that your character could swap out as the power source of your cannon, and the filters control the intensity. Since it makes sense in your backstory that you'd have access to multiple totems, I'm fine with that. - Can you provide a physical description of the totem(s)? --- PM me if you have any questions. To those of you who haven't signed up yet, I can't wait to read your submissions. Thanks everyone!