[b]Our Hero - Nobody Cares, Siberia[/b]

[color=bc8dbf]"And so Our Hero's valiant and wise companion takes the initiative!"[/color]
"How come I never get called valiant or wise?", Our Hero questioned.
[color=bc8dbf]"Heroes aren't wise; they're [i]heroic[/i]. Besides, you aren't particularly valiant."[/color]
"Hey, I've had my valiant moments!", said the janitor as he climbed out of the escape pod. His oversized, gaudy badge was snagging on the seatbelt, so he removed it and shoved it down his waistband. He left the capsule, his lanky frame causing him to bang his head on the door, "OW! [i]Sonofa[/i]..."
[color=bc8dbf]"Valiant indeed."[/color]
"That one didn't count!", Our Hero emerged from the cramped pod and spoke to Hampus, "So, uh... wizard, huh? I tried wizarding, once or twice. Never really appealed to me since all the spells were needlessly specific and tended to kill you stone dead if you used the wrong ingredients. You never realize just how hard it is to find root of mandrake until..."

Our Hero trailed off, watching the enormous monsters strolling around below, soldiers firing at one another... usually it took an hour or so to get to this point, but it looks like whoever was in charge had decided to skip straight to the "ruining everything for everyone" stage of the adventure. Joy.
[color=bc8dbf]"My my, what fresh hell has our hero gotten himself into?"[/color]
"For once I agree with you, Narrator."