[quote=@Mahz]
[2]: I've been slowly moving database queries to a simple cache object I created that refreshes each cache item at some arbitrary interval in the background ([url=https://github.com/danneu/guild/blob/master/server/cache.js#L55-L96]source[/url]). That way cache reads are always instant. By caching the homepage's list of categories, forums, and latest posters (updated every 10 seconds), I reduced the homepage load time from 20-50ms to <1ms on localhost.
[/quote]

I'm laughing so hard when reading this post. It's nothing you said (well, no, it's everything you said), it's just that...

After you posted [url=http://www.roleplayerguild.com/posts/2336377]this[/url], I started brainstorming with a friend of mine via instant messenger. My thoughts were: 
[quote]Me: okay, so I'm curious about something
Me: in a normal forum, when you load a page (like the main index) it tells you how many posts are in a particular forum, or other such statistics
Me: behind the scenes, every time you load the page, the database is being queried for this data and grabbing its most current numbers
Me: so here's my curiosity
Me: what would happen if, during, say, the act of posting a new topic, the forum simultaneously updated the database and queried the new statistic for that post
Me: then recorded it on a flat file with just basic stats
Me: then page loads would pull from that file rather than the db
Me: would the cheaper costs to the database outweigh the potential problems (deadlocking, overwrites, page loading errors, etc)?
Friend: dunno
Me: 'twould be interesting to experiment if it hasn't already been tried
Me: I'm thinking like the basic stats
Me: like stuff on the main page of the forum, which is loaded most frequently
Me: so basic post counts for indidvidual boardstotal member numbers
Me: stuff that doesn't need to be updated by the second[/quote]

As you can see, my friend was [i]extremely[/i] helpful with this brainstorm. It went nowhere. But now I see you effectively doing the same thing. And it makes me happy, [@Mahz].