[quote=@TheMaster99]
[url]http://aheckmann.github.io/gm/[/url] I found this with a simple google search, and there are most likely other options out there. Definitely don't need to install a server-side language for it :D
[/quote]

That's the node.js module I was referring to. The dependencies are clear, the executables for GM or IM. You're right, it doesn't take the full language, but these are built in a programming language. Client-side scripting languages just can't do the math required to resize images.