I'm not sure I can do this anymore. Does anyone think this massive goddamn misery parade I've gotten lately has been any fun for me at all? I love this character, I am absolutely fucking sick of the endless goddamn suffering I have to inflict upon her, because motherfucking realism makes her whole gimmick fucking unusable! And then everyone tells me they want to see her change, and its like I can't have the fucking character I envisioned, unless I mutate her into some boring nonsense! 

Every fucking RP I do I just get the shit kicked out of me, and then people try to tell me they [i]don't[/i] hate my guts. What else could it be? I hardly ever get any of the things I want out of these things, and when I do it's just more failure. I'm here suffering while everyone else is having their good time at my expense. What the fuck kind of fun do you get out of kicking a mentally unstable woman while she's down, huh? 

And it's true she does stupid shit, because I play the character like I fucking wrote her. To actually behave in a fucking reasonable manner is actually CHEATING as far as I'm concerned. It's metagaming. I knew burning the bridge and provoking the guards was a bad idea, but that's only because I, as a player, have more knowledge about any of this shit than she does. 

I wrote a powerful character, a proud berserker, but you know what I've gotten? A broken, psychopath thug. Could somebody throw me a bone? Please? It's been a year...