Aery started crying too. "No, Celaena. It's not him. I-it's not." But then more words tumbled from her mouth. "Celaena, you have no idea how scared I am...Rowan wants to protect me and help me through what... what..." She took a shuddering breath. "T-the man... The one who...Who hurt... us... Y-you s-s-saw what he d-did, that first time... And... a-after you'd blacked out he...took me to another room and... No... I can't say it." She herself curled into a ball as well. "I asked Rowan what... that... meant, and he got s-so mad, and he p-promised me he'd k-k-keep me safe and he'd n-n-never let i-it happ-happen again, and... I t-trust him, Celaena." But she felt like a terrible person inside. Her mother was right... Not saving herself made her worse than filthy.
"I wish the man had just killed me." she whispered, so softly that she didn't even realize her mouth had formed the words. "I wish I could just die now so that the world doesn't have to bear the blemish that is my life." And from her sleeve she took one of her daggers and with trembling hands and tears in her eyes held it to her chest, lightly cutting through the cloth and the skin. "I should be dead. So I will take that matter into my own hands. T-tell them I love them, C--Celaena."