Wish granted. The bagel is actually Yidhra, the Elder God known as the Dream Witch, and as you prepare to bite into her doughy, bagel-y form, she plots. Once you bite her, the bite mark turns into a gaping maw with a ceaseless hunger and an undesirable thirst for human blood. She eats you whole, while still in her bagel form. As she digests you, she begins to take on your characteristics. She effectively becomes you. Where someone might ask "What happened to Keyguyperson? Is he still alive?" the other one will respond "But he's right there."

I want a stick of gum.