[center][h3][i]Noxonshaw - Intro + Episode 1[/i][/h3] [i](NarayanK)[/i] [/center] [hr] [center][h1][i]In the beginning, there was sanic.[/i][/h1] [h3][i]In a time when interviewing random people from other dimensions was popular, the show known as the "Noxonshaw" had fallen in terms of popularity. Its rival program, "Balls Mc Soysauce: Expanded Edition," took a spotlight that no other reality program ever hoped to achieve. Why did it succeed? Don't ask. Because we're back. After BMS:EE and every other reality program suddenly got shut down thanks to a mysterious Mexican friend of one of the Noxonshaw hosts, the Noxonshaw suddenly found its spotlight again. We deliver the finest, the bravest, the daring...est, and the craziest... things... because... Uh... We're not exactly a reality show, you know. So. We're not waiting for Christmas any longer. Welcome to Noxonshaw.[/i][/h3][/center] [hr] [center][h1][b][u]EPISODE 1[/u][/b][/h1] [h3][b][u][color=7bcdc8]BOXING GUH-RUVVES[/color][/u][/b][/h3][/center] ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... A man with red hair suddenly appeared under a bright, white light in the midst of darkness. He sat on a chair, apparently scheming something epic; something incomprehendible... something ethereal. Or perhaps, something evil. For this man was the King of Evil. He had overthrown the land of Hyrule so many times, only to get his ass kicked in a tennis match sponsored by Gatorade. Yes... He was no longer tolerating that kind of crap. "Greetings, imbeciles," Ganondorf, the King of Evil, said as a wide smirk creeped into his so-obviously evil features. "I'm Ganondorf; someone who's leagues above you. Welcome to the Noxonshaw." Silence filled the room. ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... "...And that's all for today. Stay tuned for-" Suddenly, the darkness was blasted away as the entire place transformed into a large field of grass. Blue skies filled the unreachable space, and several clouds soared across the blue plains that lay above. A massive crowd of skeleton warriors, armored juggernauts, and various other monstrous creatures roared in delight as they screamed and thrashed and headbanged and threw Russian curse words at each other. "...God dammit," Ganondorf muttered. "LAAAAAAAAAAAAAADS AND LADIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!!!" A terrifying voice boomed across the bright field as a portal composed of red and black energy tore itself into existence far behind Ganondorf. A man with dark red hair, loose skin, and strange red eyes laughed maniacally as he took a bite out of a burrito. [center][h1][b]"IT'S NOXONSHAW TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME!!!!"[/b][/h1][/center] And thus... the hosts came in. The man who just entered the field through the dark portal was Apophis, the Deity of Chaos. WIth the reputation of slaughtering thousands of lives, he had racked up enough points to qualify as a runner-up for the "Massive Dickhead Award of 2014." Even though there were six more seats for the rest of the hosts to enter, the Deity of Chaos proceeded to stomp on the ground next to Ganondorf, causing a throne composed of dried eyes and bones to smash its way out of the florescent grass like a rebel against eco-movements. Then, another person made his way through a portal... but this man had never appeared in any Noxonshaw before. For this day, he was to become a part of the hosts. Just as Apophis took a seat, a somewhat-high pitched, British voice screamed incoherently, [h1][b]"BACK SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////SH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"[/b][/h1] Suddenly, a blade of light slashed through Apophis's back as he whispered "Did he just widen my butt crack" before getting blown away, flying over the excited audience. As the blonde man landed behind the throne of bones, he picked himself up as he pumped a fist excitedly, looking directly into the computer screen. [i]"I'm really [b]feeling[/b] it!"[/i] The wielder of the Monado, Shulk, had become a host of the Noxonshaw. "Shulk," Ganondorf asked with a completely monotone look on his face, "what are you do-" [h1][b]"AIR SLASH!!!"[/b][/h1] As the King of Evil barely dodged an incoming sword attack and screamed, a portal composed of green digits hacked its way into the field. A man with sunglasses and a classy suit entered with an unreadable expression on his emotionless face. Agent Smith simply cracked his neck before taking a seat next to the empty throne of bones. rulln arund it de sped uv sand, a hegehog maed ets wii in es ot uninstatly set un a chur nixon 2 asian shit. "sanics d nm spdz m g" Everyone wondered whether they should be cheering or screaming in horror. They still applauded his return, at the very least. At last, another new host arrived. Suddenly, all of the audience turned to what initially appeared to be an empty seat... ...only to realize something was... spinning on it the entire time. No, it was not just something. It was a creature spawned from a dream within a dream. Holding the title for "Master Cliffhanger" and "Uber Clutchez," the little thing known as "Totem" continued to spin endlessly, only to have the audience roar in delight. Totem was a hype machine; the more hype machines there were, the more hype would spawn at the Noxonshaw. That, and everyone could feel the pain of having to deal with a cliffhanger incarnation. Next up was a completely different story. The audience entered a screaming festival as the man known as "Dr. House" walked his way into the field, clearly disinterested with the entire interview. With a cane in his hand, the man shook his head as he grumbled something inaudible. Something about drugs- no, uh... something perfectly decent for entertainment media. "I'll have you know that you all are not worthy of my boombox," he stated simply. Even then, the crowd continued to go wild, causing him to consume five pills just because of the fact that two Iron Knuckles were doing the jiggy. And by "jiggy," it's the kind of jiggy where two Iron Knuckles start swinging their gigantic axes at each other like insane brothers. Two seats were left, and one host had yet to appear. "Everyone," Dr. House said as he snatched a microphone from Totem (no one knew how he managed to steal a microphone from a totem), "it is not my pleasure to announce that I am a part of this show. But the pay is good, so there's that. "As you can see, Shulk is too busy dinking around with his catchphrases. An unfortunate thing, considering how he's normally a decent person." As if on cue, Shulk turned to the computer screen as he repeated, "[i]I'm really [b]feeling[/b] it![/i]" Cringing a bit, House turned to the audience as he raised his voice, "Without further ado, let's get this crap started. We introduce you to the-" Suddenly, House began to cough violently, raising a hand to pause his announcement. Gulping a decent amount of saliva, the man took out a bottle of water as he tossed the microphone to Apophis- who was not at his throne at all. In the end, the Microphone rolled its way away from the throne, and away from the hosts... ...before a whip threw itself towards the mic. [b][i]SNAP![/i][/b] The Stalfos, the Iron Knuckles- all of the audience instantly recognized the owner of the whip and cheered. Standing behind a half-open portal that was cut open by his machete, a man with a cowboy hat smirked as he finally tore the gap completely open, leaving a void of white and black energy behind him. As the void closed, he caught the microphone that flew towards him as he cleared his voice. [h1][b][u]"WHO'S READY FOR SOME NOXONSHAW?!!!!"[/u][/b][/h1] Everyone was ready. Mark Noxus, the main host of the show, knew just by the extreme reactions of the Stalfos and the Iron Knuckles. They were back in business. [hr] Soon, the eight hosts found themselves seated in a curved line. They were currently at the Windows XP Field, also known as "Bliss." It was a particularly open area, so there was no need to worry about airplanes dropping hydrogen bombs onto Megatrons and any of that kind of stuff. Mark Noxus spoke with a grin, "Heya! Today, we're doing some Noxonshaw. It's technically a new episode cause we've reboot this little show to keep up with the times, if you know what I'm meaning. "The Noxonshaw has been modified, by the way!" At the particular statement, the audience whispered amongst each other, wondering what the change was about. From what they knew of, the Noxonshaw had never, ever undergone an actual change in terms of episode progression. Needless to say, they were greatly interested. "First things first," Mark explained with the microphone still in one of his hands, "we will now... have [b][u]three[/u][/b] sections for each episode. What does this mean, you may be wondering. Well, let me explain!" Snapping his fingers, Mark allowed a hologram to pop up in front of the audience. "We will now always begin each episode with [b][u]'Daily Noxon-News.'[/u][/b] These Daily Noxon-News are basically what they are- [i]news to be delivered.[/i] This allows us to expand upon the knowledge our hosts have stumbled upon, and will most likly make the entire Noxonshaw experience a bit more immersive. "Our second section will be known 'Art Attack.' Here, we feature a piece of art and a piece of writing. Note that the quality of these things are not really guaranteed. Also known as the 'We Collect Sh-t And Dump Them Here' segment." The cowboy cracked his neck as he rolled his shoulders, closing his eyes. He slowly opened them as he smiled. "And finally, the new-and-improved 'Noxonshaw' has been tweaked quite a bit. You will see more than interviews and battles this time, for we've got one hell of a ride to go through in some of the episodes. At one moment, you may be enjoying the flustered reactions of unfortunate people being interviewed, but at another moment, you may suddenly witness an epic battle involving sanic fighting a bigass pickle while Ganondorf attempts to murder a bunch of people he knows of. Of course, insurance is kind of guaranteed." The audience clapped, though one of the Stalfos screamed, "BUT WE STILL DON'T KNOW WHO THE HELL CRASH I- oh wait, she's not here yet, is she?" Ganondorf nodded. "Ye." The Stalfos fell silent and just clapped. "Now! Let's start ourselves off with this beginning segment," Mark exclaimed as he threw his microphone behind him once he realized he did not actually need one in the first place. "Shulk, start us off, will you?" The Monado Boy nodded with a bright smile as a hologram popped up in front of the Stalfos. [h2][b]"Now it's Shulk Time."[/b][/h2] "Shulk, you may stay quiet now," Mark instantly silenced the blonde, who obeyed quickly. In Shulk's stead, Dr. House cleared his throat as he took out a detonator. After he detonated a... hologram... to pop up, the doctor pointed at the thing as he said, "For this Daily Noxon-News, we have received reports that Mario Mario, hero of the Mushroom Kingdom, was caught in a bungie-jumping contest with his own brother, Luigi. The two brothers began bungie-jumping since they were teenagers, and investigations have now been set to track down the full course of actions." "Doctor," a battered Apophis quickly stated, "I have a question." "What is it?" "How the hell is bungie-jumping a bad thing?" "Apophis," Dr. House muttered, "guess how much time you have left?" "...What?" "Ten." "...wat." As the two men suddenly engaged an extremely confusing conversation, Mark whispered to Totem, "I think we're not doing so well." Totem spun. "I know, right?" Mark chuckled as he shook his head. "Guys," Ganondorf suddenly interrupted the hosts with a bored look, "can we just do all of this in the next episode? We're clearly not ready for this." The audience seemed to agree with the King of Evil. Before Apophis retorted about how he could do anything he wanted, Mark decided to skip the first and second portions of the new Noxonshaw for the best. "Sounds good. Let's move on." "..." sanic trnf e to mk nd skd, "w8 dtz yt?" Agent Smith muttered to himself, "I don't even want to answer that." Suddenly, Dr. House stood up from his seat and started walking away. "Screw this, I'm going to the bathroom," the man said as he walked out of the scene, entering a conveniently placed bathroom planted right next to the show's location. Everyone sat in awkward silence. Rebooting a show seemed harder than it seemed. [hr] Suddenly, the Windows XP Field turned into a boxing ring. "What the fuck," Ganondorf blurted out in the most unamused way possible. Surrounding the boxing ring was the usual audience, though even they seemed confused with the entire setting. As if the sudden transition was not strange enough, a loud voice boomed across the ring, [H1][B]"LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL-"[/B][/H1] The sound of the blue screen of death promptly followed the dragged out "L." After a few seconds of silence, the voice spoke again, "[B]LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! This time, for the first episode of Noxonshaw, please welcome our very first guest! He hails from a world where super powers and magic are ideal to survive, and he is equipped only with his boxing gloves! He is the underdog of underdogs, hoping to become strong and dreaming to show that anyone can have a meaningful purpose! He's simple, he's short, he's strong, and he! Is! FLASHY! Everyone, please welcome...![/b] [h1][b][u]BANG! CON! STAN! TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!!!!"[/u][/b][/h1] Right after the voice stopped shouting, all of the hosts and the audience turned to one of the corners of the boxing ring, watching a moderately small person with a blue hoodie jog his way into the place. He swiftly toppled into the ring in silence before tearing off the hoodie, [url=http://i.imgur.com/VQiE9LL.png] revealing his full appearance.[/url] Hailing from [url=http://www.roleplayerguild.com/topics/77947-a-certain-chaotic-academy/ic] A Certain Chaotic Academy[/url], the boxer turned around as the audience cheered for him, despite not knowing who he was. "..." The boxer soon turned to the eight hosts, who stared at him incredulously. [i]Holy shit,[/i] they all thought, [i]he's basically a blue Little Mac.[/i] In silence, the boxer found a seat placed right next to Totem. He wordlessly moved over to sit despite not being told to do so. "..." "..." "..." "..." "..." "NOW IT'S SHU- oh, I mean- ..." "..." "..." Mark was eventually the one to break the silence. "So, now that we have our guest here, let's start the interview... I guess..." The hosts awkwardly glanced at each other as some of them took out their interview cards. Ganondorf took out Pokemon cards, Apophis took out Yu-Gi-Oh cards, sanic tuk eut mlb crdz, and Mark Noxus took out golden flash cards. Meanwhile, Shulk took out a bunch of cards with images of his face plastered on each and every one of them, while Totem continued to spin. If there was one power Bang Constantine had, it was the power to make everything awkward. "...I'll go first," Ganondorf said as he took out a Charizard. He raised an eyebrow as he asked the boxer, [b]"Did you ever read porn before?"[/b] Apophis interjected, "How the crap can you read it?" "Fanfiction." "Fuck, I forgot." The boxer blinked as he put up a thoughtful look. "..." ... ... Moments of silence were Bang's thing. Even his friends back at the school he attended, "Hybrid Academy," found it hard to adjust to his moments of silence. It was unfortunate, considering how he could not think quickly outside of boxing. Then, a realization struck him. "I watched porn before," he stated bluntly. Shulk shot out a bit of Monado Punch at sanic's face, who began to scream at a volume so high, it murdered an Iron Knuckle for no reason. Bang explained, "It was in Biology class, if I remember. Our teacher accidentally showed a video of two fishes doing this thing called penis fencing. If I remember correctly, penis fencing is-" "Shut the fuck up. Next question." As the boxer stared at the ground habitually, Apophis, the man who interrupted him, shuffled through a bunch of cards before tossing out a trap card. [b]"Is there anyone you would like to marry back at your school?"[/b] "No." "Okay, then." Apophis fell into a state of awkward silence alongside Ganondorf. The boxing ring became silent again. Mark Noxus decided that if they were to keep this up, the entire show would crash down into an implosion that would lead into a wormhole to a Bridge to Terrabithia. He then remembered that he was in his own show- and he can do whatever he wanted. "Bang," Mark said as he set aside his golden cards before taking out a dozen photographs. "I would like to ask you something." "Okay." Mark proceeded to lift a set of six cards to Bang's direction. The following cards were set in the exact order: [url=http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lqezjjKUcY1qmmgfco1_500.jpg] First Pic[/url] [url=http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/athaliaacademy/images/5/5e/Lily.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20140703203159] Second Pic[/url] [url=http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/cf/fe/cd/cffecd144940b88fc208e0a561cca3cc.jpg] Third Pic[/url] [url=http://th02.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2013/218/e/7/kitsune_ahri_by_nyaruko-d6gzhe4.png] Fourth Pic[/url] [url=https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/06/a5/cc/06a5cc9b713bc6cd6f506f0b0ca1a0b0.jpg] Fifth Pic[/url] [url=https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/a1/7c/f9/a17cf9fdfe97902fa2d2fe6180cbcb46.jpg] Sixth Pic[/url] Without any hesitation, the cowboy asked with shining eyes of curiosity, [b]"Will you please give us your opinion of each woman in the following pictures?"[/b] At this, the audience became interested. They watched Bang, who fell into a state of thinking again. His eyes then fell upon the first picture. Maria Cross. "She's pretty," he stated simply. "...That's it?" "Ye." Bang squinted at the second picture. It was a bit small, but he could still make out most of the thing. It was the picture of Lily. "She's pretty too." "..." "I like her hair." The boxer proceeded to turn to the third picture. It was the picture of Carmen. "She looks like business." "What the hell is that even supposed to mean?" "...She's pretty too." "..." "I like her hair." Mark Noxus felt his soul leaving his body as Bang continued to observe the pictures. The fourth picture was a picture of Mizuki. "...!!!?!?!?!?!" "...? What's wrong, Bang?" The boxer blinked with wide eyes as he stared at the picture of Mizuki intently. He then looked up to Mark Noxus as he confessed, "I saw this woman in my dreams. She ate my fingers." "..." "...I like her hair, though." Bang turned to the next picture, which was that of Britnia. He blinked as he stared at the picture. He stared at it for an unusually long amount of time. Shulk raised an eyebrow as he checked the time; it was still "Shulk Time" on his watch. The boxer looked up at Mark as he bluntly stated, "I want to marry her." "God fucking dammit, I knew this one was coming." Suddenly, one of the Stalfos threw one of his friends out of the audience as he screamed, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! THAT PERSON IS [B][U]MARRIED![/U][/B]" Bang blinked. "Really?" "JA!" Surprised at the revelation, the boxer turned to the picture of Britnia before looking back at the Stalfos. "But her hair..." Bang's sheer density caused the Stalfos to explode into a million pieces. He then turned to the sixth picture. "I saw this person before," he stated bluntly. This caught the attention of Mark, who seemed pleasantly surprised to hear that. "Really?" "Yes. My friend mains her in League of Legends." Everyone died. "She has the most beautiful hair of them all." Everyone died harder. Even Megatron, who was supposed to burst out of the boxing ring, died before he even came out like usual. Mark Noxus barely stood his ground as he noticed that the entire studio was filled with fainted hosts, Stalfos, and Iron Knuckles. But wait! Agent Smith was still alive! [i]Is it because he's equally boring?![/i] Mark thought in horror as he watched the Agent open his mouth. [b]"Do you like my hair?"[/b] The boxer nodded. "It is shaped like a floppy disk." And thus, Agent Smith turned into a floppy disk. Totem continued to spin, though it seemed like it was faltering heavily. sanic was ded House was still taking a shit. Mark was all alone now, with the monster known as Bang Constantine. "B-Bang," Mark whispered, barely able to handle the gravity of the situation, "b-before we... end... the interview, I would like to ask some personal questions." "K." "Do... [b]Did you ever... go through anything sad?[/b]" At this, Bang frowned, and he lowered his head. "It was on a Saturday night when my friend let me try Call of Duty. I had a gun and walked. I got shot in the face. He told me I'm East African. i cri evrytiem." "...No, NO NO! THIS... THIS CAN'T BE! HOW THE HELL IS THIS GUY SO ORDINARY?!" Mark desperately searched through his vast mind for any potential questions that could save the episode. After thinking of one, the cowboy immediately asked as he stumbled off of his chair, "Wh... [b]Why do you want to marry Britnia?[/b]" The boxer blinked. "The truth is," he whispered, "I like white hair and moe angels." "..." "Her hair is pretty." The Noxonshaw Episode ended with Mark Noxus dying for the first time in his life.