[center][h2][i]Noxonshaw Episode Two-Four[/i][/h2] [i]NarayanK & DrivingPark[/i][/center] [hr] [center][h1][b][u]NOXONSHAW EPISODE "TWO"[/u][/b][/h1] [h3][b][u]We Can't Count To Three[/u][/b][/h3][/center] [h3]"[b]WE'RE BACK! LADS 'N LADIES, WELCOMEWELCOME-WELCOOOOOOOOOME TO THE THIR- ER, SECOND-FOURTH EPISODE OF NOXONSHAW!!![/b]"[/h3] A familiar chant of Stalfos and Iron Knuckles echoed across what appeared to be Gaur Plains; a large field that lay next to Shulk's home, Colony 9. It was a beautiful day in the large and vast plains, with herds of large creatures slowly passing by the scenery. A titan that had become frozen centuries ago lay still, having become one with the world. Ironic, considering how the titan was originally supposed to destroy the world. Dr. House sighed as he shook his head, wondering why on Earth he decided to appear in the thir- no, the [i]second-fourth[/i] episode of Noxonshaw. If he was given two-four seconds of his life back, he would use it to walk away from the Noxonshaw. At last, the Noxonshaw enjoyed providing its host with a ticket to [s]slavery[/s] fun stuff. As Ganondorf tossed his 3DS aside, Apophis looked up at the Role Player Guild screen, then at the Playboy magazine featuring a goat on the front cover. He raised an eyebrow as he muttered one last "Not bad" before throwing the magazine all the way to another dimension. Agent Smth straightened his suit, sanic sanic'd, and Totem faltered so much, the audience got hyped even further. Shulk seemed like he was really feeling it as usual. "Webba to da Noxonshaw, ya!" Mark Noxus exclaimed excitedly with a grin. "Now it's Noxon-Time! Today, we are here at Gaur Plains, where high-level monsters and harmless critters run around wildly, free from distractions- most distractions, at least! "As usual, we'll be getting straight to the point. Ganondorf, if you'd like to be so polite...?" The King of Evil smirked as he snapped his finger, bringing up a hologram with a crapton of mosaics covering... something. "[i]This,[/i]" he said, "is my raw awesomeness. It's so raw, I had to censor it." "As usual, he comes up with the dumbest, yet somewhat relevant shit ever!" Mark said optimistically, somehow masking all kinds of sarcasm behind his tone. "Apophis, what do you have?" The Deity of Chaos smirked- just like Ganondorf did- as he snapped his fingers, bringing up yet [i]another[/i] hologram into the air. This one was censored as well. "I photoshopped a bunch of people from Lavanya having the most hardcore kind of-" "Pinatas! Agent Smith, what do you have?" The agent huffed as he snapped his fingers, causing a hologram to appear in the air. This one was not censored, much to the joy of the audience. The image before them depicted Lucifer throwing a burning thong at God. "This particular artwork depicts the King of Hell sending a polite message to someone he knows of. I find it interesting because he's throwing a thong into the clouds." "Burning thongs or whatnot, I think it looks funny as Hell! Get it? No? Okay, moving on..." Mark Noxus cracked his neck as he prepared to move the Noxonshaw a bit, only to realize something. "Why did we do the second section along with the first section?" Apophis whispered in the loudest way possible, "Because this is Noxonshaw." Mark's mind was blown away. It took the cowboy a very split second to recover, as he immediately announced, "Well then! Since we somehow managed to end both the first and second sections of the Noxonshaw under 20 lines of text, let's get moving to the main, juicy part of the show! "Today's guest is a super[i]star![/i] She is the [i]hot[/i] stuff, and definitely not the lamest! She's [i]bright[/i]endale than-" "For fuck's sake, Mark, stop it with the puns." The cowboy gave Dr. House a sad look before reverting to his usual self, a large smile on his face. "I introduce to you...!" [h1][b]CARMEN CALANDRAAAAAAAAAAA!!!![/b][/h1] The audience screeched as they cheered for their particular guest. She was, after all, a (somewhat) long-term visitor of the previous Noxonshaw. With that said, two Iron Knuckles began playing with their axes as if they were guitarists, and a Stalfos started screaming about where Caleb was as a portal appeared above an empty chair placed right next to Apophis. --- Carmen blinked. It's entirely possible that she first entered the Ganonshaw doing the exact same thing. "You know," she said, relaxing in her chair as if nothing had happened, "It would be really nice if there was a loading screen or something." She looked at the hosts. There were a lot of them. "I was in the middle of telling a customer their fashion sense was Biblically awful when you interrupted," she said. "But, it's...nice? To be back?" She looked at Ganondorf. "How long has it been, five minutes? Or was it years? I really can't ever remember." She flipped her hair. --- The King of Evil chuckled as he crossed his arms. "Time works strangely in the Noxonshaw universe," he explained as rolled his neck. "It only makes sense that we get to control the flow of time-" "In other words, time just spazzes out as it pleases." "Shulk, stop being diligent with your work." Mark laughed along with the audience. He then wondered why he was laughing. Oh yes; Apophis somehow got stabbed by a burning katana out of nowhere. The Deity of Chaos blamed Ganondorf for it for some reason as he tossed the katana to some unknown lake at the Gaur Plains. "Anyway," the Gerudo grumbled, "just what the heck were you doing other than making fun of people?" --- Carmen chuckled. "You should have [i]seen[/i] the outfit I picked out for her," she said. "You would have loved it." She paused. "Or you wouldn't have cared at all. That's probably more likely." She paused again, this time with feeling. "But trust me, if you saw what she was wearing when she walked into my shop, you would have literally exploded." She paused a third time, this time for dramatic effect, and to break up the quote. "Anyway, I also-" At that point she saw Dr. House. "Wait." She paused a fourth time, because she was amazed Hugh Laurie would be in Lavanya, let alone the Noxonshaw. "Your show is awesome," she told him simply. --- Dr. House nodded. "It's in its own league," he agreed simply as he took a glass of water (with an obligatory pill). Ganondorf, on the other hand, decided that if she did not consider his fashion to be strange or horrible, then the person Carmen met probably [i]did[/i] have a truly terrifying choice of clothing. Mark, on the other hand, seemed fascinated by the very fact that Ganondorf knew of Carmen. After all, this particular Mark was not the Mark that originally interviewed her. "Dayum," the cowboy snickered as he took out his set of golden cards. "I wish this show was awesome as well, but I can't hear any of those compliments because we're too fabulous. Anyway! Let's get going, shall we? sanic!" sanic trnd st ne spd of sun. "Are you gonna ask any questions?" "fk no" "K. Then I shall go first!" The cowboy swiftly plucked out a card, staring at it intently, before turning to Carmen. "Some say you've got one heck of a closet! If you have to pick one, however, who would you pick for 'Most Fashionable Person' excluding yourself?" --- "Some would be correct," Carmen replied happily. "Besides myself...I'd have to think about that for a while." Carmen thought for a while. "That's tough, actually," she finally replied. "Nobody from Athalia is really fashionable, that's for sure." She pondered some more. "Is Totem an acceptable answer?" she concluded finally. --- Everyone turned to Totem. Apophis intensified. [i]Dat sexy-ass spin is so hypnotizing,[/i] he thought as he wordlessly clapped for Totem. Totem faltered. Everyone nearly took a shit. "Well, Totem certainly is fashionabole in his own way," Shulk pointed out, his optimism shining just as ever. "...In more ways than one, I guess!" Mark added in, suddenly making Shulk's statement seem nonsensical before the King of Evil himself butted in with a question of his own. "Did you get a hickie yet?" No one but Apophis knew what Ganondorf was trying to imply. In fact, Agent Smith suddenly brought out his doge and started patting it. --- Carmen looked at Ganondorf. "That may be the oddest question you've ever asked," she told the King of Evil. "I'm impressed," she added. "But, the answer is no." The skylark crossed her legs. --- "Expected as much," the King of Evil responded as if he were expecting the answer. Nevertheless, he still looked greatly disapointed. "Who here got a hickie, anyway?" Apophis asked out loud. "You know, those 'mark' things you get?" Mark suddenly raised his hand excitedly. "REALLY?!" The Deity of Chaos asked with excitement. "Who'd you get it from?" The cowboy, retaining his wide smile, pointed at a distant monster that grumbled its way across Gaur Plains. True to his word, there was a "hickie" on his neck; a fTrue to his word, there was a "hickie" on his neck; a freaking huge one at that. In other words, he got in a fight on Gaur Plains. "Good." Shulk decided to interject with a question of his own. "Is it true that you are one of the weaknesses to Derek Keelan? There was something on your Information Sheet that mentioned something about that!" --- Carmen looked at the Roleplayer Guild, and in particular Derek Keelan's CS. "Says so right there," she said, pointing at the screen. "I take pride in that." She flipped her hair again. --- Shulk nodded. “It makes so much sense!” The Monado Boy exclaimed. [i]No it doesn’t…[/i] Agent Smith thought with a stoic expression. “Wait,” Mark asked as he tore his gaze off of his cards, “speaking of which, I heard that you weren’t human. What kind of species do you find the most fascinating at the moment?” --- Carmen thought for a moment. "I've been studying humans for almost thirty years now...they're still pretty fascinating. Though, I've been learning a lot about dragons recently. Other than that...honestly I don't know what half the Athalians are. I mean, [i]really[/i]. [i]Nobody[/i] has time for that. Except, you know, for the people that do," she replied, satisfied with her response. --- “That’s interesting, though I think I get what you’re getting at!” The cowboy said with a small grin before asking, “Do you know of anyone who is particularly interested in your race?” --- "Hm," Carmen thought. "Can't say that I do...most people just treat me as a human. Though, there's a new guy who drew a picture of me and wanted to see my bird form. So...maybe they're out there, or he's just a creep. Either way." --- “It’d be a shame if he was a creep! Some nice people are just awkward when they ask for stuff since they don’t know how to ask in the first place,” the cowboy said, recalling some friends that fit right into the category. “But yeah; either way.” Totem asked a question, “.” … Everyone turned to Carmen. --- Carmen made a face as if she were heavily weighing her options. After several seconds of intense thought and remarking how thoughtful of a question it was, she responded. "." Satisfied with her response, she slumped back in her chair as if she'd just run a marathon. --- Totem then asked, " " Everyone gulped. Whether Totem wanted the show to explode was unknown. --- Carmen sat upright again, deep in thought. "You guys have really upped the difficulty this time," she remarked to the hosts in general. She thought some more. And even more. The temperature changed a few times while she did. After literally seconds of agonizing silence, she finally sighed, took a deep breath and replied. " " --- Totem suddenly began to falter. It faltered, and faltered a bit more, and then it faltered, but then it regained its balance, but proceeded to falter and regain its balance and falter. It faltered again. Suddenly, a black box covered Totem, making the fate of the totem unknown to all. Some of the Stalfos screamed in rage and killed themselves. Mark died in the inside a bit, but he attempted to sludge along the show. “Anyway, let’s-“ Something caused Gaur Plains to rumble at that moment. Ganondorf muttered “Oh shit” instinctively. --- Carmen smirked. Clearly her extraordinarily deep answer had had a profound effect on everyone in the show. Including the ground, apparently. Carmen turned her thoughts back to previous episodes of the Noxonshaw and the Ganonshaw. What always happened when everything started trembling, that always happened when the interview was at a slow point? Hm. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Carmen remembered. "In case you all are wondering, I don't have The Cube," she muttered simply. --- [h2][b][i]”RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!”[/i][/h2] Megatron roared as he blasted out of the ground, heading straight towards the Noxonshaw group. Mark’s eyes widened as he realized he was holding onto the Cube… “Oops.” The Decepticon leader attempted to swing a claw at the group, but Ganondorf suddenly stood up from his seat and kicked the weapon away. As he did so, however, Megatron’s other hand flew towards the King of Evil, effectively sending the Gerudo flying into the skies. Apophis let his armblades slide out of his arms as he deflected an incoming claw attack, before getting hit by the free hand. That damn free hand! The Deity of Chaos blew up in the air, but for some reason, he fell with all of his body parts intact. Before the Decepticon delivered another blow, however, the Titan that lay in Gaur Plains suddenly had an Autobot burst out of its head. The Autobot flew all the way towards Megatron before punching the Decepticon leader, causing an explosion to erupt from the iron robot’s face. Tumbling across the plains, Megatron growled before screaming, [h2]”[b]PRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMEE!!![/b]”[/h2] Optimus Prime, hero of Earth and leader of the Autobots, calmly pulled out a quote out of his metallic ass, “[b]One shall stand, one shall fall.[/b]” “[b]NO! NOT THAT SHIT AGAIN!!!![/b]” And yet again, the Decepticon leader was blasted into space with Optimus Prime. Some things were hard to change. [hr] The show came to a closure yet again. After discussing about whether dogs or cats were better than another, Agent Smith left through a portal before anyone else did. Then the rest of the hosts proceeded to file out of the place, with only Shulk and Mark Noxus remaining for a bit longer. Eventually, the Monado Boy left because he needed to fite someone in real irl. At least, that’s what he said. Mark whistled a random tune before asking Carmen, “You’re used to this show, right? You actually seem to know more about it than I do.” --- Carmen shrugged, as if the Transformers had never appeared. "I've been on it...a few times," she estimated. "Mostly not as a guest." She fondly thought back on the amount of popcorn she ate and the amount of Stalfos she killed with ludicrous Halo weapons. "It grows on you," she said with a little grin. --- “Really now?” Mark remarked with a grin, curious on her previous appearances. She definitely did seem more used to the Noxonshaw than he was. “I won’t ask on how it was so, but I’ll assume that you had fun.” The cowboy puffed his cheeks before letting out a small gust of air. “Speaking of which, there’s some sort of war going on at where you’re at, right?” The cowboy asked. “Do you think it’ll end well?” --- "You don't remember?" Carmen asked, not knowing that Mark wasn't was Mark. She sighed upon his next question. "You could say that," she replied. "I hope it ends well, because we've already lost a lot of people. Though I suppose that's normal for war, hmm?" --- Mark wondered if he should clarify on who he exactly was, but he decided against it. “Did you lose some people you knew of, perhaps?” The man asked. “I don’t know what it’s really like to lose valuable things at once, let alone people I know of.” Though it did seem like an extremely personal question, he was quite curious. He never did have to experience huge losses other than the death of Alfred. Alfred was a particular figure he looked up to, after all. …Though, he did not want to mention that Alfred was the predecessor of a particular Welsh Corgi used to beat Mark up. --- "Plenty," Carmen replied. "It's not great...I definitely wouldn't recommend it." There had indeed been heavy losses for Athalia, and nobody got out alive without losing people they knew. The wounds had had five years to heal, but they were still present in her eyes, which (for once) showed pangs of sadness. --- “Hm.” Mark nodded. Understanding the concept of death was definitely a hard and confusing road. Heck, he probably wouldn’t understand it even if he himself died. Any sentient life could feel an impact of death, any life in general could feel impact of anything. It was confusing, and he heard from his parents that it often misled people… He did not know what to feel sorry for, which confused him to no end. Then again, being confused was his specialty. So he decided to pinch her nose. [i]Because let’s face it; I don’t know [b]anything[/b] on her true background and nature, and I don’t know how her mind works, even if it’s written on paper. A battle against one’s self and odds is, in the end, finished by only one person after all.[/i] “I’ll take that advice well,” he said with a dumb grin as he let go of Carmen's nose. “On a brighter note, do you know of any pretty ladies or cool peeps I can meet? I’d love to kill my time productively… in the least productive way possible, that is.” --- Carmen blinked. To be fair, in this ridiculous universe where she had come to expect everything, she didn't expect that. She wasn't sure whether to kill him or pretend nothing had happened. She stared at him for a while, ignoring his question. "...why did you just pinch my nose?" she asked simply. "You should be glad it wasn't my hair," she continued, "or else you would now be scattered across the room in about seventy pieces." "Now, since I'm in a good mood, I'll let you off with a warning." She pondered for a moment. "I mean granted, I'm rarely not in a good mood. But...don't test that, hm?" she said, with a sweet smile. --- Mark froze, glancing to the left, to his right, and then at Carmen. [i]But pinching noses is fun,[/i] he thought to himself. [i]I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t pinch noses.[/i] Mark put up a thoughtful look. Now she was just asking him to test something. But he was sure he could get destroyed if he made a bad move, and he really needed to get back and clean some dishes for his dinner (frozen lasagna!). So what should he do to rile her up while making her forget that weird glimpse of sadness without getting himself killed? He thought of something that definitely wasn’t a good idea. Taking out his machete, Mark suddenly tore a portal behind him as he gave Carmen a squinty face. He then proceeded to scream incoherently as he pointed at sanic, who spun around high up in the air preparing to depart Noxonshaw through the skies. “SANIC GET DOWN!!!” He screamed- -before suddenly pecking Carmen’s forehead. “[b]GAT-CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA![/b]” was all Mark said as he propelled himself into the portal, his voice becoming distant as he spiraled into the depths of who-knows-where. --- As the Noxonshaw moved to its next location, it left another desolate wasteland in its wake. Though this time it wasn't caused by Transformers; it was caused by an irritable skylark, who took the lives of every Nintendo 64 audience member and indeed everything else including the Gaur Plains themselves approximately 0.3 seconds after Mark jumped into the portal. The next Noxonshaw would definitely be interesting when she inevitably showed up.