[quote=@Ellri]
Almost perfect.
Just two points that struck out at us:
“To powerful force users, Callidus would register as a peculiar blankness in the ambient telepathic chatter such a Sith or Jedi would be used to.”

The telepathic network of sorts the Jedi and Sith “connect” to isn’t really that blatant or open. Its not chattery. Its more of an extra sense. The presence of the Dark Side might be a bit foreboding to such a sense. Not really sure what terms the Sith would choose to use to label the presence of light side users. In terms of direct communication (with words and images) Telepathy really only allows a Force user to send words to someone. You can't pick up ambient thoughts. Thats more the area of drain Knowledge.
Force Stealth allows you to essentially mimic what you want to look like to such a sense, or just to hide it completely. While it is an ability that can be “active” all the time, you can also deactivate it if you want. If you fully hide your presence in the Force, you’ll simply look like another human, one without any Force Sensitivity. Does this make sense?

The other point of note, is very minor:
“Republican and Neutral Space” in the paragraph with [CLEARANCE REQUIREMENTS MET: PROCEED].
It is a proper noun of a location rather than an adjective describing political views. Thus, the correct form would be “Republic and Neutral Space”
[/quote]

Issues deleted/changed.