I don't, I know very well that this impossible situation is all my fault. This isn't like the amorphous demon, this all resulted directly from a very poor decision, and unlike Alaira, who had no discernable IC reason not to go all out, I could have easily justified doing the opposite of what I went with.

Grey can't win. His morale lies in shambles, and he is being fought by the stuff of nightmares. In his ignorance, he was COMPLETELY unaware of any sort of Vitamancy that wasn't healing. And he has just seen something that he only thought of as a rather soft, positive art twisted into something monstrous and horrifying. He cannot think clearly, much less keep his head on straight in this fight.