[@t2wave] I'm not saying don't write! Learning how to write takes a ton of practice, and reading. Please don't feel like I'm saying it was awful, it wasn't. The post was just a bit hard to tell who was being the POV character when. I think the line breaks, or shoot do a collab with me, and I can show you some tricks that I've learned. 

When you write a post in one POV it helps to be in an editor of some sort, be it titanpad or a Google document, even if you have to do it back and forth in PMs it can be cleaned up to be in one POV rather than switching. That way you can work out how the whole post fits together with your partner. I normally just give stage directions on what my character is doing, and then let the person who is writing the POV character edit it to be from their character's POV. It doesn't always work, sometimes it looks bad, like in our last post "eyes lit up" sounds awkward and forced, and that's because I wrote that. It isn't in McHaggis' voice so it's clunky. 

Believe me working with tight POV is hard, professional writers spend an unbelievable amount of time and energy trying to get it to work right.