[h2]Lunar Orbit: The Video Star, backstage[/h2]

It was that time once again. Time for the ultimate glory. The cheers of an eager universe, and the cries for blood... well, symbolic blood. He took a deep breath as the announcer introduced him.

[i]YOU KNOW HIM! YOU LOVE HIM! THE LORD OF BLOODSPORT HIMSELF! PLEASE WELCOME YOUR HOST, THE INCOMPARABLE SPANDEZ![/i]

And with that, Spandez grinned for the cameras, walking out on stage to the cheers of the studio audience as a spotlight kept on him. Aliens from across the cosmos were wearing Conquest Hour T-Shirts and hardsuits. The Conquest Hour was a cultural fixture for the last several millennia, and they were obviously eager for gladiatorial spectacle the Lord of Bloodsport provided. The transmission hijacker was hard at work, trying to patch into Japan's emergency broadcast override.

"HELLOOOOOOO UNIVERSE! This season of the Spandez Conquest Hour, as always, is brought to you by our friends at Badurong! But by now, we're going to be broadcasting to the savages below as well, so I guess we should explain what's going on. Do not adjust your set, because you're now subject to Badurong Broadcasting's smash hit gameshow: The Spandez Conquest Hour! Given you haven't ever gotten past your moon, I'm going to assume I have to explain this for you. So here's the short version."

Two female aliens- one a curvaceous humanoid woman, the other a rather corpulent beast with a maw like an anglerfish and compound eyes- both in slinky gold dresses matching Spandez's trademark smoking jacket- wheeled out a slot machine and a number of thermometer-like meters.

"These little devices are the core of our show! The slot machine determines a contestant's objective, while these thermometers measure his progress in fulfilling that objective! The objective can be just about anything, so there's always something fresh! Of course, there's gotta be a reason!" Spinning on the heel of his boots, he held out his mic to the audience with a winning smile. "TELL ME, FOLKS, WHY DO THEY DO IT?"

"BIG MONEY! BIG PRIZES!" the croud shouted.

"IIIIII LOVE IT! Yes, Earthlings, the contestants are trying to earn fabulous prizes! And, if they manage to do well enough with a given objective, they'll be named owner of your planet- and have the option to sell it for trillions of credits! So stay tuned- because we're starting with everyone's favorite contestant!"

A spotlight shone to the side of the stage, Spandez holding out a hand.

"This guy's a long-time favorite. He's never racked up the cash for a Lightning Round, but he's here every season to give it a go. And that can-do spirit and the personal touch he puts into his work are exactly what makes this contestant everyone's favorite Dolgonian! Please welcome, this week's contestant from the Dolgon System, the one, the only... Pterrordactyl!"

A [url=http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/avengersalliance/images/4/46/Sauron.png/revision/latest?cb=20140711014705]green-skinned alien[/url] resembling a prehistoric flying reptile walked onto the stage, waving at the audience. He was met by thunderous applause and whistles. A few of the audience members were even wearing homemade "We Love You Pterrordactyl" T-shirts and holding out posters for him to sign. The bounce in the creature's step indicated he was quite happy to be returning to the show, and the blush and head rub indicated he was flustered by all these fans.

"Popular as ever, Pterrordactyl! Welcome back to the Conquest Hour!"

"T-thank you Mr. Spandez sir! It's great to be back!"

"And it's always great to see a contestant again! So, as a six-time contestant, how do you feel about your chances this time?"

"Pretty good Mr. Spandez! I'm gonna rock the challenges, no matter what they are!"

"That's the optimism we love out of ya, big guy! But first... tell us what you'll been doing with your winnings THIS year!"

"Oh um... well... I decided that... well, there's a lot of kids out there who don't have a mother or father to help them, and they end up on the streets... so, that's why I opened the orphanage in year one, so that those kids could find loving homes. I've been using winnings from the show to keep it up and running. Today, though, I'm hoping to use the winnings from this round to start a fund to find organs for underpriveleged people in need of a transplant!"

"Cheerful, optimistic, AND charitable! Folks, let's give Pterrordactyl all our support as he spins the wheels and finds out what he's got to do!"

The ever-popular Pterrordactyl squawked nervously as he pulled the lever, the wheels turning into place with a CHA-KUNK as Spandez took the ticker tape the machine produced. The Lord of Bloodsport read it with a winning smile.

"Looks like this season's off to a great start! I'm sure you know this, Pterrordactyl, but we've got some of the savages on the planet below listening in. The game starts as soon as you teleport down. You must fulfill as much of your objective as possible before locals can stop you! By doing so, you earn cash prizes AND bonus prizes from our sponsors at Badurong Corporation! Your objective is to make the native children cry, and to earn bonus cash, destruction of food. To clarify, you must render the food unfit for human consumption. You're always the type to do research, so I'm sure you've got a plan to win..."

"BIG MONEY! BIG PRIZES!"

"IIIIII LOVE IT! We now return you savages to your regularly scheduled programming, but if you want to keep up with the show, check with your local cable providers for the new Badurong Broadcasting Network, available for free!"