...actually, you know what? I'm just not gonna waste more time on this than I have already. To everyone else present, I want you to know that you shouldn't worry about this happening to you. None of the other apps thus far have warranted the level of response that this one has. You're all wonderful and I hope we can have fun together~ Now then, let's address our newest applicant. My assistants aren't tyrannical enough to do this, so I'll be attending to this personally. [@Markofkri] You know, here's a fun little fact about me. I have my deviant masochistic moments from time-to-time, but that's always something for the short-term. In the long-term, I'm a wholehearted sadist. So then, let's play, shall we? Find a towel to bite down on, you lecherous pig~ [center][u][b]Review for Akemi:[/b][/u][/center] [hider=Review] [quote]Name: Akemi Kawaguchi Age: 14 Gender: Female.[/quote] Okay, this is fine. In the age range, weeb name, good. [quote]normal look[/quote] Er..."normal look" is kind of a bad way of putting things. Try to make it flow better, you know? It's not a big deal, but it just sounds kinda infantile and- [quote]http://www.pageresource.com/wallpapers/wallpaper/haotone-tsubasa-anime-girl-blue-hair-game-cute_258559.jpg[/quote] Um [quote]http://www.pageresource.com/wallpapers/wallpaper/haotone-tsubasa-anime-girl-blue-hair-game-cute_258559.jpg[/quote] UM [quote]http://www.pageresource.com/wallpapers/wallpaper/haotone-tsubasa-anime-girl-blue-hair-game-cute_258559.jpg[/quote] "Anime girl blue hair game cute" MOVING ON [quote]Measurements: height,156cm bust,76cm waist,70cm hips,78cm[/quote] Why do you not put spaces after commas? Why do you format it like this? Why do you do this to me? Did I brutalize you? What did I do? [quote]Personality: Tom boy big geek for the newest graphics card or pc component loves to photo shop.[/quote] ...alright. This...this merits some talking down to. FIRST UP: THIS IS NOT A PERSONALITY. THIS IS A LAUNDRY LIST OF TRAITS, AND NOT EVEN A GOOD LAUNDRY LIST. IT IS TWO TRAITS. TWO. YOU ARE REDUCING A HUMAN BEING TO TWO TRAITS. AND YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT'S FINE. THAT'S NOT A PROBLEM IN ITSELF. HELL, MY CHARACTER IS ONE TRAIT: "LOVE". THE PROBLEM IS THAT THOSE TRAITS ARE MORE TWO-DIMENSIONAL THAN THE WORDS I AM TYPING RIGHT FUCKING NOW. ALSO "TOMBOY" IS ONE WORD. YOU'RE NOT EVEN USING COMPLETE SENTENCES. [quote]Describe how your character thinks, acts, and feels. Don't skimp on this, you pig.[/quote] Did you even read this? That's a legitimate question. Did you? If so, I don't know how you got to the conclusion that this was okay. The [b]DESCRIPTION ON WHAT SHOULD GO IN THE PERSONALITY SECTION IS AS LONG AS YOUR ENTIRE PERSONALITY SECTION.[/b] You're not using punctuation. You're not using capitalization. You're not using anything. I think you're not even trying to employ grammar by this point. I'm reminded of a time when I was five, and saw one of my classmates learning what a period was for the first time. He put a period after every word, ie "The.dog.went.to.the.park." I honestly think what you have here is worse. Also: [quote]loves to photo shop[/quote] Now, ordinarily, I'd assume this means "shopping for photos". I wasn't aware that was a hobby, but sure, okay, if you have weird hobbies that's cool. It adds some originality, as long as you justify it, explain what they like about it and things like that. The fact that you didn't do any of that just makes it trash, though. However, seeing as you don't seem to understand English, I'm going to assume you actually meant "photoshop" in one word, as in Adobe Photoshop. If that is the case, what the actual fuck? [quote]History: I am 14, [/quote] ... ... ... Oh. You're one of those. You're using. Fucking. [b]First. Person.[/b] I'm not even going to explode about this. I'm not going to mock it. I just want you to know I am laughing at you. [quote]Dad is often away on business, [/quote] Good for him. At least he's making something of his life. [quote]and mom is in a book club when she is not at work.[/quote] Wow, what a fucking nerd. [quote]Mother and I occasionally have dinner together and then a movie after.[/quote] I'm going to stop talking about your lack of grasp on the English language. I want to finish this before the Sun finishes fusing hydrogen. [quote]We are a nice family in a modest house. [/quote] Is this a game of fucking Mad Libs or something? [quote]I am a only child so I turn to the internet to keep up with current events, trends, and tech. [/quote] "She's a tomboy but she spends her life on the computer I promise okay guys back off" [quote]I go to school and get "C"'s[/quote] If this is referring to you and not the character, I will honestly be impressed. [quote]I spend too munch time late at night on the school chat forum[/quote] Yeah, I spend too [b]munch[/b] time on shitty RP sites. I'm really wasting too [b]munch[/b] time on this. [quote]so when its time for school I get there just before the bell. I sleep threw my lunch and day dream during class. [/quote] Ah. I hate it when I'm sleeping and then accidentally throw my lunch. That's the worst. You have my condolences. [quote]Magical Power: IO phase induction particle accelitron multi modulating induction field. [/quote] ...okay, pal, I'mma level with you. Chuunibyou =/= what the fucking hell You're just saying things. "Accelitron" isn't even a word. You used the word "induction" twice. Why do you exist? [quote]Standard: I get electric shocks from static all the time!! [/quote] Two exclamation marks. No, no, that's fine. I said it's fine. No, I'm not mad. IT'S FINE. I'M FINE. [quote]When I'm Brushing against someone, the metal in my desk, the hand rails, the water fountain, my chair.[/quote] This isn't a sentence. Why did you use it as a sentence? Why did you capitalize "Brushing"? Is it some sort of brand name? [quote]Transformed: I become enveloped with a high out put electric field.[/quote] [quote]out put[/quote] It hurts. It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts [b]it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts-[/b] How high of an "out put" does this field have? How big is the field? Do you decide these things? Can you even turn it off? What the fuck are you doing? [quote]Other: I have a stalker, a boy in school who follows me and sits behind me in class. [/quote] You don't get to decide that. I hate it when people give their characters relations to things outside of themselves, or make events that impact the lore or canon of the universe in their biographies, or any of this other trash you're doing. It's heavy-handed, it's contradictory, and it serves no point other than making your character a special snowflake. Stop doing it. Besides, this trash doesn't even deserve a stalker. Also, no boys allowed. Oh, you think we're done? No, no, I'm reviewing your bio as well. Yes, I am reviewing your profile's bio. [quote]STATUS: Changing the world is easy, living is hard.[/quote] I'm living right now. I've been doing it for a while. I'm not changing the world, though. I'm making fun of a shit character on a roleplaying website. Your edge isn't even well-sharpened. [quote]Atop the eyeless grey draft horse, bathed in blue flames, the dark figure sat.[/quote] TRAAAAAAASH THROWN IIIIIIN A BIIIIIIIIIIN [quote]From the edge of the woods this shade of evil watched. From the inside of the cold steel helm no breath escaped into the air, this figure unmoved by the fear emanating from the village, was still. [/quote] THIS GRAAAAAAMMAAAAR IIIIIIIS UNREAAAAAAAAAAL [quote]It could hear the trees and plants nearby dropping their leaves, dying in his presence. A dark tunic covered the fleshless ribs and beneath that was a heart that died before the man did. This evil cared nothing for the suffering this village was under. The evil now at their door step tried hard to remember the last time he cried to the gods unanswered. How many deaths had he watched before it was his turn? [/quote] BY GOOOOOD YOU HAAAAAAAVE THE GAAAAAAAAAALL [quote]Evil never sleeps, it is when one walks from the light do they realize just what nightmares lurk in the dark. [/quote] I THIIIIINK I'M GOOOOOOONNA KEEEEEELL [quote]"Your light is a lie" he whispered. [/quote] Are you real, or are you yourself just a bad OC designed by some malefic deity that wants me to cry? [quote]Some times the most evil act one can commit, is doing nothing while good dies.[/quote] I'm pretty sure that in just about every instance, you can be more evil by going around and kicking puppies while good dies. [hr] [b]Verdict:[/b] Here's the crux of it. If I ignore that you're using first person, ignore the flatness of your character, ignore the terrible writing quality, and ignore the utterly asinine power basis, then there's nothing. If I ignore this profile's flaws and try to pretend they aren't there, I literally cannot conceptualize that without making your post utterly blank. Failure is built into the essence of this character. Denied with the twitch of the right eye, a half-hearted laugh, and the soft sound of crying as the lights dim. [/hider]