[quote=@Mr Allen J][@Morden Man] First, you didn't indent your sheet properly (The punishment for this heinous crime is being strapped to a chair, and being forced to listen to "Stupid Hoe" for all eternity!). Second, for his ethnicity section, you probably could have just said he was Jamaican/Thai/Whatever, and left the rest of the information for his history/other section. Third, I imagine that there'd be some [i]serious[/i] repercussions for the whole incident where he injured another trainee (Like, that'd be something you'd get arrested for...). Finally, the power, I'd like a bit more detail as to what he can do (Since you can do a fuckton with magnetism), and you need to give him [i]real[/i] weaknesses. What you listed aren't going to cut it because they apply to [i]everyone[/i].[/quote]

Thanks for the feedback, I've made some changes: actually learning how to indent for one, altering his history so that he [i]almost[/i] injured another trainee instead of actually injured one, added to a weakness to mind control/telepathic attacks. Part of the reason my description of what he could do with his magnetism was so vague was because the character has little to no idea what he can do with it. I didn't want to list a bunch of things you could theoretically do with magnetism that I didn't intend to ever have him use. I've made some slight changes though.

Take a look at the changes I have made and let me know what you think. I can do my best to elaborate some more on the powers thing a little more if you deem it necessary.