[@Zombehs]: The form's looking pretty alright, but you're on the money about the history; need a liiittle bit more substance to it than just that. Country of origin? Family? More on military (which country would accept him at that age?) and training?  You know, that sorta stuff.

As for [@SadCubone]:
I like the improvement so far, but right now the situation remains a tossup. There are a few qualms that I, personally, have with your writing style, but those currently have nothing to do with the form itself and, as such, I will remain unbiased in that regard.