Was the guard's punishment supposed to... please me?

Despite my reluctance, I had to admit that it felt quite nice to take a warm bath. I was almost embarrassed by how unhygienic I had become. But another part of me - the more influential part - thought it would be a good idea to try to use Vivian's absence to its advantage. I didn't want to go back to having to deal with people. In the end, people would only hurt me. So I dunked my head under the water, not bothering to hold my breath. 

Immediately, I coughed, and a burning sensation arose in my throat. Out of its natural instincts, my body pulled my head out of the water, and I choked out liquid. Apparently, I was too weak to kill myself this way.

I leaned back, trying to relax. Maybe I could just sleep here...