I think Alaira could be stronger than a lot of male wood elves, as women can overpower men if they train their strength more. Of course, if a man and a woman train their strength equal amounts, the man would have the biological advantage. 

Between Mar and Xyden, well that would be entirely your choice. For humans, sexual dimorphism places women as generally not having as much muscle, but that isn't the case for all creatures. In this case, the rules on that would be entirely up to you.

As for the concept of drugging Mar...I am interested.

Edit: I reread Xyden's bio, and Sundred mentioned that the coils of the ocean Naga were adapted for swimming instead of constricting, so they aren't as strong as those of the Desert Naga. I think Mar might be able to outmatch him there.