[@Crimson Raven]

I'm sorry if that is the case, but I'll be more than happy to readdress the section. However, I do my best not to railroad the characters, allowing pcs control over minor NPCs to some degree. For example, you could include the girl in whatever response you have (I.E: Jo-Anne and her two (now one) npcs). I also included the inclusion of the stone to draw attention to so Gabranth could possibly comment on. There are some subtle things I include for you to pick and choose to interact with to craft your own story for your character- with me acting more as a narrator while your story plays out. Once again, I can do a rewrite if you wish. Still learning the whole GM thing and how to interact with my players, so I apologize if you felt neglected.

Edit: I also don't care about the length of your post. I'm more concerned about the quailty. If you can sum up your character and his actions and reactions in a few words, that's great, but at least give something that others (including myself) can work off of. I expect you guys to hold me accountable to that same ruling as well.