[quote=@Guilty Spark]
Way too many commas. 
[/quote]

I want feedback, yes. But if it's to post on grammatical errors, please PM me.
Anything feedback wise.. like would it be common sense to just privately message the owner? Considering he's looking at Subs each day to see if anyone is interested.

When I meant feedback, I meant feedback on the plot (Highly Undeveloped) and anything to do with the ACTUAL RP.
Not the posts grammatical issues, I can fix that myself.