[quote=Euripides]...Though forlorn, Hercules was yet beset by the many labours awaiting him. He left the noble centaur Chiron to his fate, their immortality relinquished, their advocacy unrewarded...but unforgotten.[/quote]

[center][color=black][i][b]Those of you who have completed this task - you now know the difficulty is not in letting go of what you need, but in accepting that which you desire. You are hereby worthy of bearing the title...[/b][/i][/color]
[h3][color=coral][b]Erymanthian Ranger[/b][/color][/h3][/center]

Congratulations to the winning authors of the following stories:
[b]-The Treasure Hunt[/b] by [@WiseDragonGirl].
[b]-Upgrade[/b] by [@Holmishire].
[b]-The Cintamani Stone[/b], which also won the [b][color=coral]Amaranthine Poise[/color][/b] Challenge Accolade.

Your stories have been added to The Twelve Labours [url=http://www.roleplayerguild.com/posts/3000511]Victory Archives[/url], to which there will be a permanent link in my signature. In addition, your victory has been announced in both the [url=http://www.roleplayerguild.com/posts/3000519]News[/url] and [url=http://www.roleplayerguild.com/posts/3000520]Roleplaying Discussion[/url] Subforums!

[hider=Terminal's Reviews][hider=Terminal's Note]This is actually my SECOND set of reviews for each of these submissions. Around a day ago I had finished them, left my computer for perhaps three minutes to answer the door, and returned to find my computer had abruptly downloaded updates and then decided it had to restart. Hence, these reviews are all more succinct than they might have been otherwise, since they are what I was forced to write the second time around and my patience had already been worn rather thin before I started.

Except for yours, [@PlatinumSkink]. Your entry was the last written, and so I was able to approach it fresh and free of the frustration of having had to write it twice.[/hider]
[hider=A Clash of Archers and Busters]A few specific problems with tense here, while I will not harp on but will leave for your observation.[hider=Tenses][quote=First Paragraph]I remembered the first time I met her. I was at the bus stop in the middle of a rainy night, waiting for a bus to take me away from the city. [u][b]I sat on the bench.[/b][/u] The busses weren’t coming for a long while. That’s when she came.[/quote]Inappropriate use of an article relative to the narrative perspective.

[quote=Fourth Paragraph]Fortunately, I had my umbrella, so I opened it up as we looked for her someone. Because of how tiny the umbrella was, we had to be extremely close to each other. Like, to the point [u][b]where our hands are touching each other[/b][/u] as we held the handle together. However, she didn’t mind.[/quote]Inappropriate use of the present tense.

[quote=Paragraph Thirty-Five]I stumbled back as I saw sparks light up my suit. I tried to stand my ground, but my legs gave in and I fell. As I hit the ground, I could see in my helmet’s HUD that I was suffering a system overload and that [u][u][b][b]I’ll eventually receive the Tokusatsu equivalent to a Blue Screen of Death:[/b][/b][/u][/u]
[/quote]Inappropriate use of the future tense.[/hider]
A few remnant problems with describing actions, similar to your first entry. Let us take a look at the following paragraph:

[quote=Paragraph Twenty-Three]A camera appeared in a flash of orange data. I grabbed it and folded out parts of it to make a gun. I fired at Gary as he burst into flames. When they died down, I saw a slightly more heroic figure before me. Red plated armor dominated most of the color scheme, though there were silver plates by his chest. I got up and continually shot at him as I ran forward. Gary did the same and ran for me, though he lit up on fire and flew. The flames became more pointed, like an arrow head. Realizing the imminent clash, I powered my systems up.[/quote]You do a fairly good job of describing what both characters are doing and of depicting how the scene should be visualized, but the last phrase falls completely flat. As somehow unfamiliar with the setting, I have no idea what this 'powering up entails,' and there is no actual elaboration as to what the process entails. Do they start glowing? Does an empty bar in their HUD start filling up? Do they strike an incredibly silly Super Sentai Pose? I have no idea. All the last sentence effectively conveys is 'I saw the attack coming and got an idea.' While that might normally be os some utility, the way you have established the paragraph the statement detracts from the detail more than it contributes. You could have viably removed the line entirely and led directly into the next paragraph and it would not have seemed too awkward. You have improved at depicting visual story aspects, but there are still a few occasional standalone pieces that are underwhelming. Keep at it.

This story seems rather compressed - truncated, as you said. I realize you were working under considerable constraints, but it comes across as lazy. I know you are not and were not trying to be, but the story is somewhat unengaging and the pacing rushed as a result. Sometimes more is what you need to use.

If that were it, I would be inclined to pass this entry. I may be harsh on things like grammar and tense, but as long as you adhere to the challenge parameters I tend to be lenient in regards to how engaging a story is. However, I have decided that the conclusion of your story does not pass the challenge criteria.
[quote=Challenge Criteria]If they cannot leave behind what they cannot take with them, then their allies must claim the prize instead, leaving them behind - which shall serve as apt punishment for their reluctance.[/quote]
The fact of the matter is that our entirely unnamed protagonist who, as Platinum Skink pointed out, remains nameless throughout the story at no point has any cause to abandon either Gary or Yumi should he have attained his goal. In fact, attaining it would have resulted in all three of them living out normal lives together as Real Boys (dawww)! Meanwhile, Gary has literally zero established reasons to abandon our nameless Sentai orphan even after permitting Madoka to ascend. While Yumi is leaving the two behind, she was not part of the struggle itself and no reverse situation is applicable for her specifically. So there is no viable interpretation of these events that passes the criteria. If there is some unknowable future event in the story which cases our nameless orphan or Gary to be stranded, you failed to describe it.

[url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPseOlTl7Dk]You have failed the fourth labour.[/url][/hider][hider=Treasure Hunt]These ruins sure are getting a lot of mileage in terms of side-quests. No wonder the Liadors can exist there so comfortably - there's a continuous stream of idiotic adventurers coming and going.

There were a few notable typos present, but they are infrequent enough that I do not feel the need to linger on them. I found myself more concerned with the internal consistency of the plot. The suspiciously named Trialca only has to walk out of the room and hear Mikhal ask where his share of coins are before reminding Lemitsa that he was the one who lulled the Liadors to sleep in order to complicate the ending a little, making the story precluded seemingly early.

Other than that, I rather liked this story. Somewhat short, but it has a certain charm to it, and the way you depict the setting has a tone of familiarity to it. You also clearly adhered to the challenge parameters, even if one might argue that Trialca might abruptly change her decision once she discovers Mikhal's role in the plan in the undivulged continuation of the story. So congratulations, you have completed the Fourth Labour.[/hider][hider=Upgrade]This submission is an exmplar of sublime reductionalism. Not only did you manage to hew the challenge parameters down to a concept no more complex than 'Groups A and B,' but you did so while managing to weave an engaging and and surprisingly involved story. This is made all the more impressive when one considers that the submission is more than 95% exposition. The characters spend a little less than half a minute actually doing anything at all, and very little transpires. Yet you arranged everything in a way that flows and feels perfectly natural, and leaves me wanting to hear more. Also easily one of the best [url=https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/High-concept]high concepts[/url] I have encountered in the last week. It is telling that the single most disappointing thing about this submission was the chosen title, which does not seem to go well with the premise of the story (Upgrade has more of a mechanical association to it that what we see).

Outstanding work. It is a shame you are apparently retired from roleplaying, since I imagine writing with you would be something of a pleasure.[/hider][hider=The Cintamani stone]The first time I wrote this review, I had managed to uncover a total of four erroneous words. This time around, due to the modest length of the entry I was only able to rediscover the first one earlier on.

[quote=Whoops]He, of my age and constitution, which [u][b]suspicions[/b][/u] I was at length able to alleviate.[/quote]

But don't think that lets you off the hook, I still totally saw all of them and now everyone knows they are there. YOU HAVE BLED. YOU ARE MORTAL, LIKE THE REST.

The style and manner of the writing here is quite incredibly similar to that of James Hilton's as seen in Lost Horizon, as well as in similar works, and the amount of detail seen in your story is appropriate for the sort I would expect to see in a professionally published historical monogram. You used so many run-on sentences and commas that the universe is now several million years closer to its inevitable heat death than it was previously, though that does rather capture the imagery of a somewhat over-enthused, written account.

You also perfectly nailed the challenge criteria, so yeah. You have completely the Fourth Labour...And earned a Challenge Accolade. Perhaps more than Mortal effort was at work here.[/hider][hider=The Right Decision]So hey. I understand that the setting being employed here is inspired in part by the Metal Gear Solid universe. I also understand that the series is occasionally prone to a higher degree of frivolity than might ordinarily be realistically expected.

But I will be frank: This story came across as juvenile. I was incapable of taking any aspect of the story at face value and I straight up hated Vulcer so much that him being blown into chunky salsa was in actuality my favorite part of the story - and not even because I happen to be into that sort of thing. He genuinely irritated me. Maybe that is just my own opinion getting the better of what is supposed to be an objective review, but the way I see it a trained, professional soldier refusing to behave in a serious fashion while on active battlefield duty in a dangerous, hostile, covert environment, harassing his partner in the process, flagrantly disobeying orders and generally making an ass of himself is neither endearing nor entertaining. He came across as a complete jackass. Again, that could just be me. I am not beyond recognizing that I might not be wholly impartial here, which is part of the reason I encourage people to volunteer for judging. I say this because it occurs to me that, weirdness of the MGS universe aside, it was probably not your intention to make the main character of your piece come across as a jackass.

To reiterate on the first point, the story as a whole also seemed rather juvenile. A great deal of that impression was made by Vulcer acting like a jackass, but at the same time there was a rather disconcerting clash between the story's [i]subject matter[/i] and the thematic style in which is was presented, from the cheekily referential way the guards seemed completely disinterested in their own jobs to Vulcer actually asking Miriel out on a date [i]during the mission[/i] to how his face seemed to be paralyzed into the same smile no matter what, it all came across as rather weird and surreal - and not in a good, cerebral way but in the nonsensical and messy way. There are ways you could have made that work, but the specific context here is not one of them.

Not to mention that, unfortunately, the entire entry was plagued by awkward structural and grammatical errors. Here is a list of a few I managed to pick out just by skimming through after reading through the first time - there are several more which are omitted. The problem here is not only the frequency of these errors, but their simplicity. I do not even elaborate on the mistakes in the list below, because each one is so fundamentally simple that they should be immediately apparent.
[hider=Errors][quote=Grammatical Errors in the Right Decision, Various]These men were terrorists, who had recently gotten their hands on a very dangerous such.

Vulcer jumped the fence, the darkness aiding him as he had managed to slip by the spotlights and climbed up a nearby tree in order to get inside.

Without hitch he fell down to the ground and let his feet meet the ground before he bent forward and rolled behind a building

“That’s her choice. I don’t treat those who kill instead any different from how I do those who eat meat.” Because among other things, Vulcer is a vegetarian.

Turned out their defenses was a joke.

Miriel blinked as she realized who she pointed a gun at.

Miriel declared, moving back the mirror into her belt of gadgets

“If possible, let me shoot those that we have no choice but to shoot unless we have no other choice.”

Miriel wasn’t as relieved, standing guard of the doors at all times, gun raised.

Everything drifted into blackness as Vulcer was aware of just how bad this was.

With that one-way mirror on his right, single entrance, a table in front of him and him bound to a chair, it looked like one of those rooms for interrogation.

A small technological-looking explosive device, suited on top of a barrel which contents he could only guess, out of his reach.

A red button, which function he could only guess, was in front of him on the table within his reach.

That was probably the reason they were in his game and not just plain dead, anyway, so that’s probably a good thing.

The screen flicked away from displaying the two of kissing to Von Serge’s grinning and much less appealing face.

None of you kill the other, and I guarantee that I won’t touch either of you

He’d have to request to Viria to analyze this mission thoroughly and make sure to be prepared for anything.[/quote][/hider]
It is a shame too, because simply reading through the Story another time or having another person read over the entry before submitting it probably would have picked up most of these errors.

I am sorry, but as this story is now I cannot pass it, even though it does technically adhere to the challenge parameters. You have failed the fourth labour. It simply does not adhere to the standard of quality expected of good storytelling which is necessary for the contest.

In the future, I would recommend simply spending more time on your writing. Read through everything at least twice. Read everything aloud to make sure it sounds right. Ask other people to read through your work to see if they can pick up on any mistakes you might have missed. Also focus more on balancing elements of characterization with the themes and direction of your story; if the character seems out of place in the story or the story seems unsuited to the character, you might want to consider changing one or the other. 

I know you can do much better than this.[/hider][/hider]