[hider=Protection][@NarayanK]

I'm the Form First guy. The form of this poem doesn't [i]blow me away[/i] but it's actually pretty clever -- and it's growing on me. The irregular rhyming and meter sorta makes the whole thing feel a bit [i]off[/i] and contributes a lot to the sort of paranoid-delusion impression. Which, incidentally, isn't all that crazy in this case, since civilian surveillance is a real thing, but still. Think, drink, go pink, I think.... it feels spot-on. This is one of those rare times where I congratulate someone on NOT using regular schemes. It works! It could've also worked with more consistency, but that's not the point. This works.

Content-wise, it's also pretty solid. Again, doesn't [i]blow me away[/i] but it does grow on me. The paranoia feels real (*ahem* because it kind of IS real) and the whole thing gels really well with the wild, irregular structure of the poem. Basically, what you've done here is write a good poem. I mean, that's the long and short of it. Everything you're doing is right. I'd love to suggest areas for improvement, but I've got to reach for them..... maybe a broader/stronger message? Or maybe the SAME message, but portrayed in a little more regular way? After all, the speaker doesn't HAVE to be 'off' to be worried about this. Idunno. It's really solid all around and I don't have much I can add, sorry! Well done.[/hider]

[hider=the elevator][@wisedragongirl]

Excellent characters, and a great little plot. Also a charming take on the contest theme -- not 'overcoming' fear per se, but enduring it and dealing with it, and what that does to the people around you. I friggin' LOVED the kids, and Sarah, and heck even Rob. And the conclusion was perfect -- hopeful, but not cheaply so. Like "Yes, it's going to suck, but I'll do it." 

Perfect? Close, anyway. If it's lacking anything, it's that I don't [i]really[/i] feel like the elevator getting stuck was THAT big of a deal, and I really should. Because I know what claustrophobia is, I can infer what must've been going on in his head, but it would've been a lot stronger if I could see that too. You covered it some -- banging on the walls and freaking out and scaring his kids, all very good for a 'show-don't-tell' approach. I think I would've liked a LITTLE bit of 'tell' in this case though. The bulk of your story is about his family and friend making him feel better and that sorta overwhelms the terror he was feeling, so that at the end, when he's looking back at that horrible experience, I feel like "Well it wasn't THAT bad, Sarah and the kids were right there and they totally supported him through the whole thing." Even though I can infer that it WAS 'that bad,' it would've probably helped me to see it expressed..... not more CLEARLY necessarily, but maybe just "more." The terror gets lost in the good feels, just a little bit, just enough to mention it. 

It was incredible storytelling, and not at [i]all[/i] what I was expecting to see in a "Fear" theme. Positively touching, and it arrived at a compelling and positive conclusion. Very clever; very well written. [b]Great[/b] job.[/hider]

[hider=what war takes from me][@Dewey Deftones]

What a twisted little unit these two are. That's an extremely interesting couple, conveyed well.

Here's my chief complaint: the big-picture questions, like "Why is she so self-destructive?" and "Why does he have to run off and die?" are largely taken for granted. It makes the whole thing feel a little artificial -- this sorta-doomed relationship is inherently [i]great[/i] writing material, but we're not REALLY exploring it. In a totally trite and unfair summary, it's like "Oh, this is bad and fate stinks, WOE! And now, I die." You, obviously, did nothing to deserve that, but I'm saying it to hopefuly make you think about what you did to make your story different and what you COULD do to make it stand out more. 

To clarify -- it's an [i]outstanding[/i] thing to write about. That you chose to write about it, therefore, speaks volumes. But you didn't [i]really[/i] tap much of the potential that's there. So you're absolutely coming from a [i]fantastic[/i] place, but you're not going super far from there. Let's have more story, yeah? Let's really meet these people and see how they do and don't work together as a couple.[/hider]

[hider=kitsune][@Dedonus]

If you're following along with the reviews, this one is kind of the opposite of 'What War Takes From Me.' It's -- I'm being blunt -- not [i]all that interesting[/i] of a premise, but you went all-out and made something out of it anyway. If I could take [@Dewey Deftones]'s characters, or even just one of them, and give them the treatment you gave Kyra, I think we'd have an incredible story. 

Let's back up. "Not all that interesting of a premise?" Why not? What I mean is, there's no reason anywhere for Kyra to be a magic fox. That is the central conflict and it's just not justified. She has to hide it with a power suppressor and confide in her also-magic friend and we're all like..... why? Why any of that? BUT! The emotional struggles and the family dynamic are all told pretty well in spite of that. Would've been better if that final line about 'fearing what they don't understand' was backed up by some event in the story, but you get by just fine on the development you've got. 

I think it'd be really interesting to see what you can do with a more grounded story. Inventing new magical worlds [i]is[/i] kind of awesome though, so don't sweat it.[/hider]

[hider=the trees][@mdk] 

I'm not crazy about anything before the creepy homeless guy breaks in, and the end was a little rushed, but I think it works.[/hider]

[hider=Damocles][@KeyGuyPerson]

Once upon a time, on 'Small House,' I said that the people impacted by your grand war didn't feel real enough. I don't know if that registered or not -- but you have [i]destroyed[/i] that complaint. 

There's a few things I could suggest for improvements, but you've kinda already acknowledged ALL of them in your notes. Well..... [i]some[/i] of the "Look at how 2015 it is!" felt a little extraneous. "Modern times" would've been good enough. You didn't have to go THAT HARD after setting a very specific year; then again, making it [i]literally right now[/i] does add some weight to the hanging sword, so whatever. Given total authority over the story, I'd back off the Star Wars anticipation and the hashtagging or whatever, but that's just me. 

The air-to-air combat occupies a large amount of the story, and like you said, it needs some more research. Fun fact -- I actually did some BFM-type training in flight school, so I totally know [i]everything about everything[/i] on that front, for reals! Eh.... Well the point is, when something isn't researched well enough, there's always that [i]one[/i] asshole out there who knows better, and they roll their eyes a little. No big deal. Most of the real tactics are secret anyway, but there are a few good History channel shows about Vietnam and Korea that could help -- those were great air-to-air wars for fiction writers. 

Let's talk about what worked here, besides EVERYTHING. This felt [i]significant.[/i] This story carried all the weight of the sword of Damocles -- great title btw -- and it focused on all the right places. Those spots of humanity in a monstrous war are all that the readers can ever really care about. The horror was horrible, the heroism was heroic, the danger is real in real life, oh my god, were we really saved by a stubborn Ruskie, jesus, that HAPPENED? OH MY GOD. You've got an incredible gift for picking out these spectacular moments in history and making them yours. 

All in all..... what else can I say that I haven't already said? Go write novels and get rich already. Take my vote, you earned it. I think this was the best yet, which is a high bar to clear in your case. Amazing.[/hider]

End of the day, I can't help it -- [@vote] for [@Keyguyperson], because my god, that was absolutely incredible.