I don't even know how to put it into words correctly, but I'll try. I love to write. It's one of the few things I feel that I have great potential in, and some of the experiences I've had RPing have been unbeatable. Shit hit the fan when my dad passed away in '12, though. I've never really been the same, even though I'm reluctant to admit it. I've developed a very defeatist attitude in the sense that whenever something bad happens, no matter how small, I always run away and blame it on the issue. [i]"I could have done ___ if ___ didn't happen"[/i] or [i]"___ would have been so good, but it just had to be rainy today."[/i] I don't know how to cope with external disturbances very well. A simple message taken the wrong way fazes me way more than it should. 

Point is, I've never finished a RP since then. I was a firm "one post a day" believer, and I used to be able to handle it no problem. Plots would progress fairly smoothly, and I'd always get things done. Bringing that mentality into a world where I run away and never face problems head-on, always looking for an excuse that could somehow interrupt a "perfect experience" has caused me nothing but stress. Even when I do manage to post on time, it's always so painful and it's not enjoyable anymore- that's the whole point of roleplaying, to have fun. 

I want to have fun roleplaying again, but one post a week or every two weeks feels too horribly slow for me, yet I feel like that's all I'm capable of now. It's even worse when I have to write papers or work on comprehensive problems for classes, and I have a job starting soon too. Even without roleplaying I feel like I'm at my limit, so I desire what I felt when I was having an amazing roleplay, but I can't function because I feel like I'm always at my limit, so I desire what I felt when I was having an amazing roleplay, but I can't function because I feel like I'm always at my limit, so I des... you get the point.

The root of this problem is much deeper than simple roleplaying troubles, but I feel like I've let a lot of people on this site down due to my incompetence, and that makes me feel worse than the inability to cope with unfortunate circumstances. It goes the other way too. I don't feel like I can call anybody out for doing something wrong because I see myself as even worse. [i]Who cares if they're starting up another RP after saying they're busy with school. You once went two weeks without posting, you deserve it.[/i] I just want it to end, but I don't really know who to turn to, so I'm just going to put it all here to vent. At least putting it all into words helps somewhat.